Not ttc anymore

Discussion in 'Trying to Conceive' started by Rachel, Sep 6, 2005.

  1. Rachel

    Rachel Well-Known Member

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    me and OH have been trying for a baby now for about 5/6 months and then today he tells me he dosent want to try anymore as its to early for him to have a baby.

    We have been together now for 5 years.

    Im really p***ed off now because before we started trying we both talked and decided we were both ready for a baby.

    im really upset and annoyed at this, i told him how i felt and all he said was its not such a big deal i duno why your getting so upset :eek:

    sorry i just had to express my anger somewere.

    good luck all of you ttc i hope you get your bfp soon :)
    Rachel x
     
  2. LouisecH

    LouisecH Well-Known Member

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    Hi Rachel

    I'm sorry to hear that you must be really disappointed. Do you think it's the stress of tring? Maybe you could suggest a holiday or some time together where you can really talk about it.

    Good luck
    Louise
     
  3. Dippy

    Dippy Well-Known Member

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    Hi Rachel,

    I'm not surprised you are p***ed of with your OH. Is there anything that might have happened recently for his sudden change of heart? Like Louise says perhaps he's just stressed out over something, we have been ttc since January and it's certainly not easy, and can put a strain on everyday life. Have a good chat and see if there's something else behind it?
     
  4. rach

    rach Well-Known Member

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    hi rachel im sorry to hear that hunny you must be gutted big hugs to you xxxxxx
     
  5. hayley

    hayley Well-Known Member

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    Hi Rachel


    I'm not suprosed your P***ed off! this is playing with your head... I agree with the girls! Maybe he is getting stressed over the whole thing. Men face things so differently to us... they tend to bury their heads. My DH does that a lot.... A holiday sounds good.... Why don't we all book a holiday or weekend away.... June 06 could end up being a busy month.

    Does your OH talk? My DH will only discuss topics lightly. Kinda talks for 5 mins then wants to change the subject.. but then every now and again I can get a really deep converstaion from him! Try sitting down with him and get him to talk....
     
  6. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

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    So sorry to hear your news Rachel.

    Hayley has a good point though, men work differently to us women. Have you ever read the book 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'? There's a really good part in it about how we react differently when faced with problems - and lets face it, we all know that ttc is a BIG problem, it can take over your life.
    The book basically uses an analogy about cavemen....
    When a cavewoman has a problem, she gathers all of her close friends around a camp fire, and they sit there and talk and share until she feels better about the problem.
    When a caveman has a problem, he goes and hides in his cave to think it over. And if the cavewoman tries to go in the cave after him to talk about it, he retreats further and futher into the cave. The best thing she can do is to light a very welcoming camp fire, and sit next to it to wait for him to come out of his cave.
    Women like to talk about problems, and this makes them feel better. Men tend to try and fix problems, and if they can't fix them, they get frustrated with themselves. Maybe he sees ttc as a problem, and he's retreated into his cave to think about it. Unfortunately, he cannot fix this, nature has to take it's course, so he is very frustrated. And in his eyes, the only way to stop his frustration is to stop ttc altogether. I.e. can't fix the problem, so remove the problem.

    I don't know if any of this is going to help, but I think you should light that campfire, and sit and wait until he's ready.

    Maybe booking a holiday like the other girls have suggested will also help.

    xxxxx
     
  7. hayley

    hayley Well-Known Member

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    Hi Tankett

    YOu've cheered me up today!!!! I read men are from mars and woman are from venus.... It is so true!

    I loved the chapter about the cave... when men go into their cave and we chase them in looking to talk! they retreating further and further back into their caves until eventually they explode and send the fire breathing dragon to chase us out! Which is them exploding...

    Another point that made me laugh because it is so me! when i come home from work all I want to do is moan for 20 min's about my work load, the boss and customers etc.... DH want to fix my problems... men don't understand if they just listen and nod and agree then we'll be happy! instread they offer solutions which makes us angry for trying to be MR FIX IT!

    I must get that back back out....
     
  8. Rachel

    Rachel Well-Known Member

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    hey girls, thanks for all your replies. I followed your advice and we had a long chat and he just said he had a bad day at work and he was stressed.
    After a good long chat he said he was sorry and he does want to have a baby with me and he said next time he wont let his work troubles get him down. So were even better than before, and we are back to ttc :D thanks girls for your help :D
    Rachel xx
     
  9. rach

    rach Well-Known Member

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    thats brilliant news hun im really pleased for you good luck ttc xxxxx
     
  10. Dippy

    Dippy Well-Known Member

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    Hi Rachel, really pleased you and oh have managed to clear the air and sort things out, must be hard on our blokes sometimes taking on our stresses as well as having their own. Hope you enjoy making up!! Lots of luck.
     
  11. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

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    Rachel, I am so so pleased for you. It's just goes to show that we really do take our frustrations out on the ones we love the most.

    Good luck for this month.

    xxx
     

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