Not sure what to feel?

[zozo]

hi, i havent been on here in a while, but i was pretty new to begin with, so you may not have read my other posts. Sorry if this is really long, It just seems i've had one thing after another and havent really had the guts to write it down....I had previousy posted, heavily suspected I was PG, but kept getting just faint lines, and BFNs....ended up af a month late, still nothing, so went to docs, who took bloods and urine. Confirmed I "was" pg, requested i do anothr set o bloods 48 hours later. Went home, was very happy or a few days. OH then got the news that his aunt had died, so ended up missing my bloods appointment to go with him to the hospital, but called and made another appointment 3 days later...this was a very sad and stressful time for my OH, who hasnt really ever had a death so close in the family, and he was VERY close to his aunt..Literally 3 hours after the funeral, I had a call informing me sister had been in a car accident and was on life support in hospital..I was so upset, felt sick, and if im honest for a few hours, completely forgot all about little bean i was so overcome with grief...After 24 hours she stabilized, and she survived and is home form hospital now. I went home to snuggle up with oh, and fell asleep. I got up to go to the toilet around 3am (i think) and there was some pinky cm, but i had read so many threads on here I didnt panic as there werent any clots..so I went back to bed. Was woken a few hours later by the most horrible cramps..knew instantly something was wrong...went to get up, and (sorry fi TMI) but there was already bright red blood on the bed..oh ran me a bath, and gave me painkillers, and then took me to the hospital..I was scanned and MC confirmed. I remember just feeling utterly numb...at this point I was still upset about my sister, didnt know if she would get better or not, and it all just elt too much. Ended up haveing to have a D and C...It was really a horrendous experience all in all...To top it all off, ended up with an infection in my right fallopian tube, was again taken to A&E who wrongly misdiagnosed appendicitis, had emergency keyhole surgery (they put a camera in through y belly button to they could see where to go, so I have 2 scars) to remove it, only to find a massivly enlarged tube and my appendix fine. Luckily it was nothing some IV antibiotics couldnt fix. Ater that, things seemed to calm down..got christmas over with, but everything thats happened just seems so surreal! I miss my little bean, and I can't help wondering if I hadnt been under so much stress, or i id gone to my first doctors appointment then maybe things would have been diffrent. I cant help feeling its my fault...from measurements it seems like i was 11+3 when I MC...

OH and I have decided to continue NTNP, dont think I could face the BFN's when I know we've put everything into trying, so this is maybe the best way for now.

Im sorry for the long post, and some of it probably doesnt even make sense, but i really appreciate being abe to write it all down here x

 

[Mummy2Adam]

Wanted to send you massive im so sorry you have been through all of this.
I too have been through a mc and key hole surgery when it wasnt required (they thought it was my appendix and it was a water infection 4years ago) so if you need to talk im here. Take care of yourself and i want to wish you all the best for 2011 x x


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Lander]

That's a lot to process, take your time and let yourself deal with it all and don't feel that any of it was your fault. Things happen.

Hoping you have a wonderful New Year.

Lxx

 

[karenandbump]

So sorry to read u have been through all of this hon. Big hugs and thinking of u x x x

 

[Nurse 26]

aww i'm so sorry zozo

What an awful time you have had, but glad the infection is sorted.

I got great support on the forum when i had mt MC, i hope you do to.

Hope your sister is doing well now

xxxx

 

[zozo]

Thanku all very much for your kind wishes..hopefully 2011 will be a new start! My sister is doing fine, she goes to physiotherapy for her leg and is expected to make a full recovery. I know its not my fault, just can't help feeling I failed my little one

 

[MissJuly10]

Oh sweetie, I have no helpful words hun, would just like to send you a massive hug and tell you that you're not alone.

I'm glad to hear your sister is ok. I agree with Lander, take your time with dealing with it and don't feel pressured to rush through it. There's loads of support in here whenever and if you need it.



x x

 

[Nurse 26]

Thanku all very much for your kind wishes..hopefully 2011 will be a new start! My sister is doing fine, she goes to physiotherapy for her leg and is expected to make a full recovery. I know its not my fault, just can't help feeling I failed my little one

I know its not much help but if a pregnancy was going to end in miscarrage then there is nothing you can do and it just was never ment to be.

I promise it does get easier and it will be our turn next.

If you need a chat feel free to PM me anytime

 

[p1nk11]

(((((BIG HUGS)))))) SO sorry for wot u have had to go thru hun i cant even begin imagine wot ur feeling. Stay strong & take time to deal with everything that has happened here if u need a chat/rant/scream xx

 

[Laura_C]

I'm so sorry to hear you have had to go through this horrendous time honey - lots of us on here for a chat anytime you need it. big hugs to you xxx

 

[amandapanda]

So sorry you have been through so much hun. Glad your sister is recovering now anyway...if it helps any I really believe that miscarriages happen for reasons totally out of our control, so you being under alot of stress and missing your GP appointments will not have affected the outcome. Unfortunately there was just something wrong with that embryo and it didn't stick....it happened to me too but I am now half way through a healthy pregnancy. So give yourself time to recover emotionally and physically,you have been through so much, then when you are ready you can look to the future. All the best hun xxx

 

[JJ Mum]

I'm so sorry Hun, you really have been through the mill this year, so pleased your sister is making a good, recovery. Never blame yourself, if it's a sticky , it will stick regardles of what is going on in your life at the time. Once I stopped blaming myself , I found it much easier to move on again in myself X


An Angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth.
And whispered as she closed the book "too beautiful for earth."

 

[mumofmany]

it was not your fault, but is normal to blame yourself when i had my 1st miscarraige i constantly blamed myself and did for years, i was told to rest after i miscarried the 1st twin i didn't then 2 weeks later i lost the 2nd one, i know now that resting doesn;t help and its only to make you feel better that you did all you could. what a horrible time you have had you have alot of things to recover from not just physically but emotionally too. take some time to start enjoying things again and as you say just take it easy and dont put too much on yourself.

 

[xshauna_bazx]

Definitely do not blame yourself...you couldn't of done anything to prevent it hun. So sorry you had to go through this xxx

 

[Princess81]

That's an awful time you've had. There wouldn't have been anything you could have done hun
Try to have a relaxing time after your various ordeals, glad your sis is on the mend

 

[karson x]

zozo i know how you feel hun i had a Mc on dec4th and at the time i had myself stressed out to the max crying and raging at the time i started spotting...

i blamed myself aswell but really its not your fault atall these things happen they happen for a reason just remember angels never die xxx

 

[k8_005]

just wanted to send my love and hugs sorry for what you have had to go through thinknig of you xx

 

[Applecider]

no words of wisdom just know im thinking of you and that saying too beautiful for earth is so lovely xxx

 

[zozo]

Thanks so much girls x Been feeling a lot better recently, my sister is a lot better now too, so thats a complete weight off my shoulders x Im trying to stay positive for 2011. JJ Mum that wee poem made me tear up, its So right though!! xx
I'm glad im on here, everyone has been so lovely x xx