not impressed with what midwife said re: my pregnancy

[scarlett1965]

Hi all
Just come back from my first midwife appt. Dont like her much and she is not at all maternal. I am 42 yrs old. 6 weeks today and have had a few m/c's and an ectopic in the past few years - I can never seem to get past the 7 weeks mark. Am still buying HpT's every day- 17 so far- How sad! But getting strong +'s and faster so this makes me feel better. Was really nervous and scared as been having cramps for the past week. (twinges where my ovaries are and dull pressure in centre, but no bleeding. ) She wasnt optimistic at all except for the fact that I am having strong symptoms- nausea, weeing all the time, sore nipples, dizziness. She said (obviously!) that my age is against me. She wouldnt even give me an early scan and said I have to wait til I am 12 weeks! I had to keep insisting and finally she gave in and has booked me in for next week. I get the impression that she thinks I am hard work because of my history and conditions I have now - fibromyalgia, kidney problems..recurrent uti's, ovarian cysts + fibroids. My daughter, aged 20 is currently 22 weeks pregnant with no history or problems and this is easier for her. She is the only midwife in my practice, which is great, so I cant change. She also advised I have the nuchal fold scan which I agreed with.. then went on to tell me that they didnt do it on the NHS and it will cost me £180 in Gloucester! We do not have this kind of money and had already decided if I didnt lose it and it was a Downs then we would have it anyway.
Sorry to rant. I am not saying that I deserve any better treatment than anyone who is pregnant, but thought they might have watched us "oldies" a bit more.
has anyone else experienced this?
Love Scarlett x

 

[trixiehunnybun]

I just wanted to say your midwife sounds horrid! at least you made a fuss though,your old enough not to be bossed around my them. Also love your name.Good luck hope someone else can help

 

[Sherlock]

Congrats with your pregnancy

Sorry to hear its not been a good experience so far with your MW

Re the Nuchal, it may be that the one hospital you've elected to go to does not offer it yet, but there may be other NHS hospitals in the area that do. You can opt to attend another hospital for your pregnancy care (scans etc) If that is the case you'll have to request to have your ante-natal appointments and scans at it also, as they then assign you to that hospital.

Of course, you can change hospitals later on and go back to one nearer or more preferable.

I opted outside of my NHS area for another hospital that did not offer a Nuchal test as standard so had to go private for it. Had I gone with my local hospital it'd have been free.

Btw, I'm 37 and first time PG and so far my experience has been a good one. I'm sorry to hear your first appointment was not what you were hoping for

I think if it were me and your MW continued to sound off negative and unsupportive commets etc, I'd pull her up on it and tell her how it makes you feel. She won't know unless you inform her. Of course, be nice about it, but let her know you are not overly happy with her approach and were hoping for a bit more understanding and support.

Then again I am one of those who speaks up about such things and can't be doing with sitting worrying about what might be said in return. So long as I am civil, explain myself and how I feel and ask them to consider their thoughts and reply then Hopefully things can be resolved. End of the day they are there to provide a service and support PG women and we deserve to be treated well.

 

[MissSara]

I'm sorry your MW is making you feel like this, she really should be more supporting towards you after your losses she should understand why the need for the extra lil bit of care.
All the best for your scan x x x

 

[clairedoran]

You actually should get more care and attention because of your past history. It seems that this midwife is not doing her job properly, she should have sent you for an early scan just to keep an extra eye on things. Can you not change? or get your care at another clinic. Really hope this pregnancy goes well for you

xx

 

[Steelgoddess]

What a lovely person she sounds like, how nice of her to be so hoenst with you? Like wtf?! Stupid woman just honestly ignore her hon

 

[bowmanzoo]

oh you poor person.

I agree with sherlock that if this continues then if you feel you can then speak to her directly and tell her how she's making you feel as this is not going to help you with the pregnancy, you need support!!!! If you can not speak to her directly then perhaps speak to the practice manager and she could perhaps have a quiet word.

as for the downs test it sounds to me like you've made a strong decision that you dont mind if this baby is downs or not so in that case I wouldnt have the scan. I've always said ill never be tested for downs as it wouldnt bother me either.

i wish u all the best

 

[Geordie&Bairn]

What a nasty piece of work she sounds stupid women!
She's a midwife why go into a caring profession when you have no idea how to care
I think id have wolloped her one in the face to be honest.
No body should say such negetive things, id report her.
After having so many problems in the past i would of thought you'd have an automatic early reassurence scan.
you should not have had to fight for it. God the NHS is such a lottery for care standards
Bug hug from me
Ps hope everything goes well
thinking of you and let us know how the scan goes

 

[scarlett1965]

Thank you all for your suport and words of encouragement. I am seeing her next Thursday to do all the paperwork and routine tests. i will see what her attitude is like then- if she is nice and more supportive I will stick with her, if not I will find another.
Definately decided to not have the Nuchal scan. i have worked with people with Downs all my life and know we could give a baby with Downs a good, loving home.
As I am approaching the dreaded 7 week mark I am getting more anxious. Can any of you tell me if you have been through an ectopic and m/c's but gone on to have a full term baby.
Thanks again
Scarlett

 

[Redshoes]

Wanted to pass on lots of these
Its so sad that sometimes we don't get on with our MW's because we feel they are not 'positive' for us, I really hope things change as your pregnancy progresses, don't let her spoil any of the excitement for you!!
Take care and well done for getting your scan

 

[Lianatoot]

Awww how awful, she sounds horrid!!! she shouldent even be in her job if she makes people feel like that! She should be trying to reasure you!

 

[mandspice]

That's terrible, my midwife told me that doctors are there to see to the "techincial" stuff and midwives to help through the emotional journey - sounds like this one doesn't know what emotion is!

Can you change to another hospital in your area? xxx