Not coping!

[sarah1]

Hi.. just need a moan really. How does everyone do it?! I'm soooo sick of waiting, of seeing all my friends (and just everyone else in general) with their new babies, and all with no trouble getting pregnant. I'm sick of not earning enough money and not being able to find any more work (complicated job) and just don't know where to go with my career. I'm tired of my marriage, of the strain I'm putting on it with my depression - I feel like I'm stuck somewhere I don't want to be.
If I hadn't have gotten pg last year and had a mc I perhaps wouldn't be feeling like I need this child so much now. My hubby told me a few months ago he wishes we hadn't tried for that baby (it was before we got married) so now I feel like I can't talk to him about all this. He's sooooo over sensitive that I can't possibly tell him how I'm feeling. He gets more emotional than me.
Every day I think about what could be wrong with me. I've never felt so up and down in my whole life, and so ill. I just don't know where to go from here.

Sorry for the moan. Don't feel like you have to reply I just wanted to get this off my chest! love to all xxxxx

 

[LouiseB]

I'll join you in the moan.

I'm becoming increasingly teary and sensitive when it comes to other people and their ttc/BFPs/pregnancies/babies.

I'm actually thinking mean thoughts and being pretty judgemental and it isn't pleasant.

I'm also becoming increasing resentful of how unfair my situation - that i'm perfectly healthy and fertile and yet i'm not sure if i'll ever be able to a have babies.

I feel a bit like hubby got us stranded on a desert island and we are starving to death and i'm starting to wonder whether to continue to feed him half the rations or chop him up and turn him into rations

 

[maybe baby]

Hi Sarah,

really sorry you're feeling like this you sound like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, why don't you get some help from the docs, maybe get some tests done to find out if anything is making things harder for you to get pregnant and maybe try counseling for your depression.

If you take control then hopefully you will become more positive.

I bet you love your Hubby really, and really you're fed up of the way you feel rather than actually fed up of him.

Do you worry that if you can't cope well with TTC you won't be able to cope with being preggers and having a baby, I do sometimes, but then others I'm fine about it.

Do you enjoy your profession? I used to be a personal shopper, and I had clients that were lawyers and doctors and things and they used to say they'd do anything to swap jobs with me that they hated theirs, maybe have a change and do something you really love?

xx

 

[sarah1]

Hello Ladies well thanks for the support, its so nice to know I'm not alone in this. I'm feeling much better today, think I was just having a bad day yesterday. Yes Maybe I'm having some tests and things done at the doctors, it is taking aaaaaaaages and they don't really seem to care. Got my second scan on Mon to find out whether the lining of my uterus is too thick throughout the cycle. Fx it isn't as I think that causes big probs. My depression comes mostly (I think) from having IBS - apparantley its one of the symptoms. And probably why I feel ill a lot too.

Yes of course I love my hubby, I couldn't live without him I just wish I could be as relaxed about the whole thing as he is (or seems - sometimes I think its a brave face). He's very caring and was great after the mc last yr. I dunno I sometimes just think I wish we had waited a bit longer too. We try to just enjoy being married and each other its just hard knowing what you could have had (our baby wouldve been about 3 months old now). I'm sure we all feel like that though. I hate that sometimes I'm so down and I'm sure I'm mean to him and I know its not his fault, but then I get more down cos I feel so guilty the way I'm treating him! viscious circle I guess.

Yeah sometimes I worry that I won't be able to cope with a child or it'll change things with me and hubby. Strange isnt it? sometimes I feel like I don't mind the waiting, but then other days I'm so so desperate to be pg. Hormones I guess!

Yes I love my job, I'm kind of a freelance teacher for kids doing performing arts - schools and at home and stage schools. I worked in a college/uni but took voluntary redundancy, so now its really hard to find more work. I'm thinking of going back to study in sept if i can get funding, doing an MA or a Phd........ I'd like to try something completely new too but just don't have the money.

The only thing I'm happy about at the mo is losing 3 and a 1/2 stone and becoming slim again, I haven't liked looking in a mirror for soooooooooooooooo long and I feel much more confident in myself and more in shape. Can recommend it for the stress relief.


Eeek another long post! Apologies. But in the words of BT 'its good to talk' xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[maybe baby]

Great to see you're feeling better Hun!

Yep TTC is sooo up and down!

Fingers crossed for your next appointment and good luck with the job or PHD front.

Well done loosing weight too perfect timing for Summer!

xx

 

[Esperanza84]

hi sarah!

I know the feeling, it's difficult to cope with! I think I feel it so difficult, because this is something I cant control...and I hate it!

It's good that you're happy with your figure, that helps! Im starting a plan of excercise this week as well, and it's really good to do something with your body. Best part; I can control this

Hope you get some help and find some answers!