Never thought I'd bd here :-(

[Tanya4beauty]

Hi girls,

I should be 11 weeks pregnant right now but I had a tiny amount of blood the last two mornings and was scanned yesterday. My baby died at 7wks 3 days. What's heartbreaking is I had a private scan when I was 8 weeks 4 days and saw a heartbeat but baby measured 7wks 3 days which means my baby died just after I saw it alive. I never understood the pain of a miscarriage. I feel empty, in limbo, like my life has been a lie for the past few weeks while my body let me carry my dead baby while I wandered around happily dreaming of him/her.
This just feels like a bad dream. I can't stop crying. I woke up sobbing and I can't sleep. What's worse is knowing my dead baby is still inside and I have to wait to pass him/her.
I feel so angry and cheated and it hurts so much like my hearts been ripped out.
Im so so grateful I have my baby girl right now but feel like I've failed to give her a brother or sister. Everyone keeps saying it happens for a reason, must have been something wrong with it and you can try again. But I wanted THIS baby and it hurts so much xxxxxx

 

[Melily24]

Oh sweetheart, I'm so so sorry. A missed miscarriage is really heartbreaking and in some ways I think harder to deal with than it if happened naturally. At least that is how I have found it. Cry as much as you want to. Don't put a timeframe on how soon you must get over it etc... Heal in YOUR way. Thats the best way.
Hug you little girl loads.
Big hug and sending you lots of strength. xxx

 

[J_Anne]

I am so sorry it truly is heart breaking. There's nothing anyone can say or do to make you feel any better, but don't keep anything bottled up, talk to your OH, any question you start asking yourself, say it out loud. I've recently been through the same and found my thoughts fighting against each other but once I said everything out loud, no matter how ridiculous, a weight was lifted.

Don't feel as though you "should" be feeling a certain way, whatever you feel is normal. My little girl helped me so much throughout it all, I couldn't have managed without her. I'm thinking of you xx

 

[Zoe_helen25]

Tanya again I am so so sorry thinking. Of u. X

 

[Emily0505]

Oh Tanya sweetheart, I am so so sorry



XX

 

[MindyM]

So sorry to hear your sad news, thoughts are with you xx

 

[Cherrybelly]

Sorry to hear this. I found out I had a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks 4 days and I was so angry at my body for allowing me to think I was still pregnant. It was truly the worst thing I've ever gone through. I hate it even people say "it happens for a reason" this may be true but it really doesn't help. I passed my baby naturally a couple of days after I found out, had a period exactly four weeks after that and got preg that cycle. I now have a five week old baby girl. There is hope after an MMC. If you need to cry, shout or talk about it, please do. Don't bottle it up. Take care xxx

 

[CARNAT22]

I am so very sorry to read this Tanya. I really am.

Seeing a HB and then going on to suffer a loss is cruel beyond words.

All I can say is that these early days are going to be tough and very dark but you need to keep yourself healthy (you must eat and drink and rest).

Take your time to be sad and grieve, BUT take care of yourself and take comfort in the love of hubby and little one

X

 

[Selina13]

Oh Tanya that's awful and I'm so sorry for the loss of your little one. I agree with carnat- words of wisdom.
Look after yourself and hope to see you in pregnancy section when your ready. Xxx

 

[laurat]

Im so sorry for your loss! A miscarriage is just the most heartbreaking thing to have to go through. Take time to grieve and slend time with you oh and your little one! Big Hug! Xxx

 

[blondy13]

Oh Tanya I'm so sorry. It must be truly heartbreaking. Big hugs xxx

 

[PurpleCloud]

So so sorry. Xx

 

[Clare80]

Really sorry. I had a MMC discovered last month at my 12 week scan. I'd had an early scan at 9 weeks and everything was fine. It does make it even more upsetting I think.

I miscarried completely around 5 days after the scan. I'd had 'medical management' on the day of the scan but it didn't work and there was a 10 day wait for surgery.

I hope you start to feel a bit better in the coming days and weeks

 

[brina]

I miscarried with mine at 8weeks very first baby i conceived it hurt me and yet i was laughed at and told that it was good i was young and me and my now husband of 10years may want another person. I was devastated and yet i was mocked by my mother inlaw n sister inlaw. It really is awful i am so sorry i know how much it hurts i named my lil baby angel rhean (rain) it rained everyday while i was pregnant with it.
Prayers for u and finding peace dear.

 

[Tanya4beauty]

Thanks girls, I'm so glad I have this forum to spill my heart to. Sometimes I just don't want to talk to my friends and family about it. I want to block it out. I started bleeding heavier today. I knew it was happening, I got this pressure like I did when I went into labour with my little girl. I also had horrendous nosebleeds last night again like I did before labour. It must be how the hormone changes affect me. At work I've mostly been crying between and with clients. Luckily they've been with me for years and they knew something was wrong. I almost feel a bit relieved the bleeding has started, it means once this horrendous ordeal is over I can start to piece my life back together and try again. I want nothing more than to give my gorgeous girl a baby brother or sister. She is such a happy, caring little girl who adores babies.
It is such a comfort to have you lot to talk to. It's horrible that we all understand each others pain but nice that we can understand each others feelings. This really is the strangest feeling and emotions I've ever experienced. Someone tell me do the nightmares go away? I dropped off on the sofa this evening and woke several times from images of my dead baby on the screen and blood. It's plaguing my mind xxx

 

[Gayle30]

Oh Tanya. I am so very sorry to read this. Sending virtual hugs. Life is so cruel sweetheart. I will be thinking of you and I hope you can find some peace soon. Take care. Xxxxx

 

[RhondaLou]

So sorry to hear your sad news. I suffered mmc last year and the feelings you described ring very true for me. You have to be easy on yourself and allow yourself to feel how ever you feel. I had nightmares and was scared of the dark. I also became very scared of the bathroom for some reason and couldn't have a shower if I was alone in the house. My mind played tricks on me my body had played tricks on me and if I couldn't trust myself them who could I trust. I know it's a cliche but it does get easier with time. Give yourself plenty of it and don't let folks rush you.

Here if you need me as are many others who know how it feels.
Take care xx

 

[TORino]

So sorry to read this sweetheart. Be kind to yourself, it's an awful thing to have happen to anyone.

Xxxx

 

[Tanya4beauty]

God it's really started now. Bleeding heavily. My friend popped round and I flooded through my trousers. So embarrassing. I have to go to work in a bit. I'm scared I'm going to see a little baby come out

 

[CARNAT22]

I know the emotional pain is horrendous but sadly yes the physical side is also horrible.

The only upside is that your body seems to be passing things naturally - this negates the need for a D&C or any other medical intervention.

I know you have to work but take regular breaks, take lots of pads and some spare leggings.

Sorry sweetie, this is my practical advice to get you through the next few hours.

Then get yourself home and make sure you rest

X