Nervous about telling boss - any advice?

[Lucy]

Hi Everyone

Hope you're well.

I'm nervous about telling my boss I'm pregnant, I've worked with him for the last 17 months but we haven't really "clicked" (I'm a PA).

His wife had a mc about 10weeks ago (not sure how far on she was) and later mentioned that it had happened before (they don't have any children), in a way I think he'll be happy for me (I've never mentioned starting a family to anyone at work so I don't think he'll be expecting it) but I'm also concerned that he will "turn" and suddenly I wont be going on the training courses I am booked on, I wont get good appraisals (at my last review a month ago you had to discuss 5 yr career plans etc and part of mine was to move into a Project Manager type role). I'm not really career motivated and not sure that I'll return to work after baby is born (depends on finances), but I don't want the next few months to be unbearable.

Sorry for such a long post, I guess really it comes down to that I don't want him feeling like I've been lying to him about wanting to progress etc and him feeling like he can't trust me? I don't feel like I've been lying, I just went along with the progression plan as I didn't want to take it for granted that my pregnancy was going to be strong and healthy (still a bit nervous as I'm sure lots of us are hence me holding off from telling them for as long as possible).

Any advice?

Thanks for reading

Lucy
18 +4

 

[melhoney]

Hi Lucy,

I also was a little bit nervous telling my boss, as I am a teacher, and this year, there are 6 [pregnant teacherswho will be leaving around the same time as me!!! I also was concerned that she(the headteacher) would not appreciate the fact that I went for some more responsability at the end of last school year when I already was pregnant! But you know, there is a law which protects pregnant ladies like us against any discrimination at work on the base of our pregnancy. So, don't worry about the courses or conferences that you are booked in for, they are not allowed to stop you from attending them.
Obviously, I can't tell you our your boss will react according to his own sad experiences, mine actually explained me that she had 2 miscarriages when I went to talk to her...She was actually very nice,...nicer than I expected!
Anyway, you can always say (but that's entirely up to you!) that this pregnancy was not planned and that you had some concerns about its viability, and therefore did not announce it officially before... I mean, it was completely the case for me, for eg, so, I would not have said anything before reaching the 4th month.
am not sure how it works for the job that you do, but for teachers, we don't have to decide on our leaving date before the 15th week before expected date of childbirth. So you can just tell him that you are pregnant, and that you don't know yet when you will leave, depending on your well-being. You might be surprised, he might strat the topic of coming back/or not to work afterwards, my headteacher did, but for me, that's a no-no, I would not be able to afford it a you can't get your maternity allowance if you don't go back to work for at least 13 weeks!

I am not sure all this big speech helps you, I hope it does a little bit... In brief, I also was nervous, because our headteacher is not wellknown to be the most compassionate worman, but she was, and it went well.
Also, remember, at the end of the day, he can't do anything to you, as you are protected by law...but let's hope for the best fingers crossed!

Let us know how it went!
Take care,

Mel xx

 

[leannie]

I was so nervous about telling my line manger and head of department. I got them seperately in the office and just blurted it out! It was the only way I could think of telling them and the nerves got the better of me! They were really understanding and have been so supportive. My line managers sons and daughters in law have both suffered misscarriges.

Im sure your boss will be fine about it.

Hope it goes well

x x x x

 

[Lucy]

Thanks Mel and Leannie

I think just typing my post helped me to relieve some of my worries about telling my boss and I feel a lot better now. I also feel a lot better knowing it's not just me being nervous about it!

My boss is on holiday next week then I'm off for 2 wks so I wont get the opportunity to tell him until Oct 3rd! I'll let you know how it goes

Thanks
Lucy
18 + 5

 

[Yvonne]

i felt dog sick for days beofre telling my boss, i dreaded going in to work and just felt permanently worried. i had onlt been there for 9 months so iwas nervous that he wouldn't approve

ANYWAY he was really really understanding and really nice, i was nearly sick as i was telling him just pure nerves.

 

[Rosieroo]

I think that it's good you've held off telling him, if the worst comes to the worst (and I'm sure you'll be fine), at least it wont be long before you can take your maternity leave (don't forget you'll need to let him have your MATB1 and your maternity leave plans by 25 weeks).

Do you know when you are planning on taking it?

 

[Lucy]

Novelty for me being able to post during the weekday! At home with a stinking cold, my head is pounding

Thanks for all your replies - it really helps with the moral support and although I know the law is on our side I would hate there to be a horrible atmosphere at work.

Rosie - I've got a MW appt when I'm 24+3 so I guess that's when I'll be given the MATB1 form? I'll then give it in when I got to work that afternoon. Regarding Maternity leave - I'm due Feb 8th so I hope to work until Jan 20th to make the maternity pay go a bit further! Might have to re-assess it nearer the time though! Last winter up here (in Scotland) I struggled to stay on my feet through the snow without a bump!

Thanks
Lucy

 

[Rosieroo]

I got my MATB1 when I had my 20 week scan, they gave it to me at the hospital. But failing that then your midwife will be able to give it to you at your 24 week appointment.

Lol, are you going to need some big snow shoes to help you keep your balance?

 

[Lucy]

Snowboots - can just see me now! my image is getting more attractive every day!

We don't get a 20 wk scan on the NHS up here so we're having to pay for a private one, so I don't think they'll be able to give me the form.

We moved up here last year - I often wonder what the differences in antenatal would be between the area where I'm from down south and here. Although I can't complain because the midwives have been nice.

Lucy

 

[Rosieroo]

I thought that you have to have a 20 week to check for abnormalities etc. It seems unfair that you have to pay

I'm glad that your midwife is nice though, I'm just changing mine now. She wasn't very nice, but the others ones in the team have been great about me changing, I guess they must get a few complaints about her!

 

[Lucy]

Hi Rosie

I know, I was taken aback when they told me that I'm not offered a 20wk scan - when I queried it I was told you only get one if you are referred for one by a consultant obsetrician due to problems etc.

It's been hard finding somewhere that actually carries out the checks of an anomoly scan rather than a 3D type reassurance scan.

Lucy
18+6