Need Desperate help.

[Diann]

hey ladies im here to find help to cope with the miserable situation im in. we were in love but thing got out of control just a couple of months before our marriage that had me thinking to call off the wedding coz we were foreva fighting. and he always used to suspect me with my ex who i wasnt even in touch with and the biggest mistake of my life was to find a shoulder to cry in my EX and it was my fault that i let feeling run wild and my emotions took over me and got a little overbored that i started to get back the old feelings for my ex for the start he comforted me but later advised me to carry on with my marriage and this was all over the telephone. so i got married and after a few weeks found out i was pregnant and was very happy then came a boom my husband took the old phone that i was using and happen to hear some of my old conversations with my ex just before our marriage.. and the storm started then which is till on.. i tried to tell him that his continuous suspection towards me was the one which forced me to do thinks that i never wanted to do. and that our relationship was lacking a lot of things where understanding and trust was the most it lacked.. and that we used to fight like cats and dogs and that i decided to call of the wedding to scared to think of a future with him. but he has started to accuse me that i knew it from the beginning where as the fact was when there was fights i was true to him but only when i had second thoughts abt the relationship on the whole that i needed a counselor a friend that i can speak my heart out.. but things took a different shape and i blame my self sole for that. now im trying to tell him it all over it was jus that part of my like whn i was lost and im true to him now.. but he wouldnt believe me anymore. now its like dictatorship i should not be found online he asks me who im msging.. if i come on Facebook he wants to know wat im doing.. he wakes up from his sleep asking y is my phone next to me and asks if i msg my ex and delete all the msges.. and he claims the reason for him to ask me this is becoz he had a dream of me doing so.. im now in my 2nd trimester and im a working woman. plus i have to cook, clean and take care of all the work at home. he wouldnt help me at all.. the smallest of the things like everning serving the food for dinner has to be done by me and given to him in his hand. evening if im down with aches.. like last night i has a terrible back pain and couldnt sleep. he jus asked me wat happened and continued to play his play station despite knowing that a little massage wd help..
i feel sick and i wanna throw up all the time due to which whn he tries to kiss me i avoid fearing that i might throw up and i have told him how im feelin, and even my breast hurts whn touched so whn i tel him not to.. and that it hurts he says that im not interested in him and that someone is teaching me to do so.. whn i try to share my feeling with him that i jus need a little support from u.. he flares up with me and i end up crying every single day.. i dont feel like living.. im not able to even connect with my baby.. i keep telling my baby why are u here.. mommy cant keep you happy.. im a bad person.. i feel totally down and dont feel like living anymore.. i seriously need held.. pls i dont have anyone to share this with.. pls help me. i love my husband a lot and i know ive made a mistake which has hurt him.. but what can i do now to make things rite.. im doing everything possible.. im going mad..

 

[pupperino]

Diann, I’m sorry this is happening to you.. but good on you for reaching out. What you describe is considered domestic violence. It’s serious and needs to be dealt with before things get worse. Bringing a child into a dysfunctional relationship rarely fixes the problem and you are also at risk of post natal depression.

Please call the local domestic violence hotline or service (I am not sure what it would be in your area) and seek help from a psychologist or social worker. You can get this off your chest and they can help you with a plan to either 1) do couples counselling and work through your issues together or 2) leave the relationship.

None of this is your fault and no one deserves to be treated or spoken to in that way. But you need outside help to make his better.. even if you both do it for the child’s sake to begin with.

Best of luck

 

[Emily0505]

You mention twice that you don't feel like living. If you are genuinely feeling suicidal call the emergency services, Samaritans on 116 123, your doctor or midwife, a friend or family member, someone, anyone.

Your situation sounds very difficult and I'm sure it's overwhelming with being pregnant too. You need to get help and support in place to try and repair your relationship if that's what you want to do or to help you with whatever decision you make.

I wish you the best of luck and please please talk to someone about what's happening and how you feel.

XX

 

[Diann]

thank you so much..this means a lot to me... i live in India and here things are a bit different. I love him a lot that i cant leave him.. but at the same time things are getting bad day by day.. its like- he's good for 2 days and the 3rd day he flares up and brings up things to my face real bad. and if i try to make my point clear. he shuts me up by saying dont raise ur voice to me.. its like what he says is a rule that i must follow against all odds and if i have a different point of view he says im back answering and asks me who's teaching me to speak tat way. at this point im so confused.

Diann, I’m sorry this is happening to you.. but good on you for reaching out. What you describe is considered domestic violence. It’s serious and needs to be dealt with before things get worse. Bringing a child into a dysfunctional relationship rarely fixes the problem and you are also at risk of post natal depression.

Please call the local domestic violence hotline or service (I am not sure what it would be in your area) and seek help from a psychologist or social worker. You can get this off your chest and they can help you with a plan to either 1) do couples counselling and work through your issues together or 2) leave the relationship.

None of this is your fault and no one deserves to be treated or spoken to in that way. But you need outside help to make his better.. even if you both do it for the child’s sake to begin with.

Best of luck

 

[Diann]

i have no one to talk to.. and i dont know even if i did will they understand the situation that i was in, which has brought me to this state or will they just degrade me of my character. he keeps saying u go tell any one about what happened all will spit on ur face.. and he also says that what i did was having two men at the same time is equal to prostitution.. but i tried to explain that we being in a relationship only had fights and that he was suspicious from the start. which lead me to an extent of calling off the wedding thats how bad it was.. and in the midst of that turmoil i started to share my problems with my ex, we had only contacted over the phone (not justifying that i was rite)
and that is wat lead me to such a state.. but he wont understand and fights its like the arguments and fights are like a circle there is no end it goes on and on..

You mention twice that you don't feel like living. If you are genuinely feeling suicidal call the emergency services, Samaritans on 116 123, your doctor or midwife, a friend or family member, someone, anyone.

Your situation sounds very difficult and I'm sure it's overwhelming with being pregnant too. You need to get help and support in place to try and repair your relationship if that's what you want to do or to help you with whatever decision you make.

I wish you the best of luck and please please talk to someone about what's happening and how you feel.

XX

 

[pupperino]

thank you so much..this means a lot to me... i live in India and here things are a bit different. I love him a lot that i cant leave him.. but at the same time things are getting bad day by day.. its like- he's good for 2 days and the 3rd day he flares up and brings up things to my face real bad. and if i try to make my point clear. he shuts me up by saying dont raise ur voice to me.. its like what he says is a rule that i must follow against all odds and if i have a different point of view he says im back answering and asks me who's teaching me to speak tat way. at this point im so confused.

Diann, I’m sorry this is happening to you.. but good on you for reaching out. What you describe is considered domestic violence. It’s serious and needs to be dealt with before things get worse. Bringing a child into a dysfunctional relationship rarely fixes the problem and you are also at risk of post natal depression.

Please call the local domestic violence hotline or service (I am not sure what it would be in your area) and seek help from a psychologist or social worker. You can get this off your chest and they can help you with a plan to either 1) do couples counselling and work through your issues together or 2) leave the relationship.

None of this is your fault and no one deserves to be treated or spoken to in that way. But you need outside help to make his better.. even if you both do it for the child’s sake to begin with.

Best of luck

Diann, I would encourage you to look for support groups or counselling centres in your area to get started. I don't know how things work in India (I'm in Australia, and this is a UK based forum).

Can you start with your local religious/ spiritual centre? Any counselling services available?

I know there are cultural differences and I guess it's harder to leave a relationship where you are. So you will need outside support to work on communication.