Need advice...OH's daughter keeps lying!!!

[katietateypot]

I hope this is the right place to post this..sorry if its not!!!

Basically...Oh's daughter is 4 and keeps telling lies. Some arnt as that bad but some could seem really serious and when we ask her mum about them she always admits she's told a porkie but it worries me what she is telling her teachers and any other people really.

She has told me and OH her mum hits her and her uncles scream in her face and make her cry..after asking her about every little thing she told us she was lying but it could have resulted in something really serious.

Last week she had bruises on her knees, when we took her home we asked her mum about them because Gabi had told us she was with her uncle and he left her alone so a man pushed her over and walked off leaving her on the floor; her mum told us she feel down the front steps when she was getting her bike in.

Im not saying the smaller lies are ok, we are always trying to say how she could get people into trouble but its been going on for about a year and the stories seem more serious now. Whenever we ask her mum and the truth comes out we get dirty lloks and she goes really quiet so im guessing this is because she knows she has been "caught out" in a way so that must mean she knows lying is wrong??

All i want to know is, has anyone been through anything similar?? if so what did you try to prevent the kids saying stuff like this or what advice could yu suggest to me and my OH. Her mum tells her just what we do but no matter who is comes from she carries on the next time we see her.

Anything you can tell me would be much appreciated, sorry if this is a bit of a ramble just trying to get the point across.

Katie xx

 

[inky]

That's a tough one, have you sat her down and asked nice and calmly why she does it?

I'm in a bit of a similar situation, except my OH's daughter is 15. OH and her mom split up before she was even a year old (she was a result of a drunken teenage fling unfortunately) and her mom got married to someone else and had 5 more kids. She lies to get attention basically, she feels bitter that her other sisters get more attention than she does and feels put out that she has to help her mom with day to day chores. Her lies range from little white lies to get a bit of sympathy to great whopping lies that quite literally have turned our lives upside down. We never really had much communication with her mom when she was younger, and in hindsight she's been lying for a long, long time - probably since she was about the same age as your OH's daughter, although it only really all came to a head about 18 months ago.

My only advice is to keep things as open as possible with her mom - tell her anything that your OH's daughter has said, and ask that she do the same for you - after all it's possible that she could be lying about you too.

With respect to what the root cause is, all you can do is be as gentle and approachable as you can and just ask her why she does it. I really wish we had done the same with my OH's daughter when she was of a similar age. Everything's clear with hindsight though I guess.

Hope you get on OK
x

 

[becks20]

My daughter is the same she says things and lies about how she gets bruises and things. She'll go off crying to her bedroom if i tell her she cant have something and she will tell my OH or my mum that iv hit her or told her off when i havent. I no that around that age they go through stages of making things up because they dont understand, they like to see what they can get away with etc. i dont really no how to help the situation but thought id say that im in the same sort of situation x

 

[katietateypot]

I know its not a great situation but im happy theres people in the same boat.

We have only really had contact over the past year because of problems with OH and gabi's mum. She says gabi's always lied. She does tell her its wrong but thinks its normal.
Im just really worried of where it culd all end up if she says something to a stranger who does not know she does this.

We have sat her down once or twice and asked her why she lied about certain things and told her its "not nice" but she just cries so we end up stopping as we dont want to upset her about it.

I know her living arrangements have never been great, she shares a room with her mum and her great nan who has dementia. They live in a 3 bedroomed house with her nan and her 2 uncles. Could this have something to do with it?? Maybe for attention i know her nan is in her 60's her great nan in her 80's one uncle is 30 and the other is only around 20 but in her mums words " he has never really bothered with Gabi".

i know at this age they have imagionary play and gabi's imagionation is good, she is very gentle, never rough but she is also very she and not very social with other kids or adults.

Im just so confused!! Sorry for bambling again but for me i am worried about what might happen and whats wrong with her if she keeps telling the lies.

 

[MrsR]

Her living arrangements sound awful IMHO x can you imagine being a 4 year living with someone with dementia, it's confusing enough for adults let alone children x when we saw my OH's son we had massive problems with him lying. We just made sure we spoke to his mum and kept her updated-it turned out he didn't like being put on the naughty step (he had purposefully thrown a full glass of juice at my daughter) and eventually I put my foot down with it all and refused to see him with my daughter because his behaviour (not just the lying) was really affecting her. It is so hard to know what to do but i honestly think you're doing the right thing by talking to Gabi's mum and making sure you're all on the same page! X does Gabi know you're having a baby? This could be a trigger too x good luck z

 

[katietateypot]

I hate the living arrangements shes in!!! I can't see how they are doing her any good at all but then again wat else can we do. Her mums already told us she doesnt have time to do anything with her so Gabi is on her own in their house most of the time and only see's other kids at school. Its a tough situation as me and OH are staying with my parents until just after Ava is born to save a little before being totally on our own.

she knows we're having a baby and she is really excited, she keeps saying she will be the best big sister and she came to the scan we had yesterday so it seemed a bit more real to her and she loved every minute of it. She feels my belly all the time and says she can feel Ava moving and talking to her. She has it all planned out that they will share a room and she will help with cuddles. I don't think its the baby as she was like this way before we found out about the pregnancy.

 

[MrsR]

Ah ok x at least she's happy about bubba! x Her living arrangements aren't the best but there's not alot you can do about it, that's up to her mum. How can't her mum have time for her? That's awful x i think you've hit the nail on the head as to why she's doing this-it's probably a culmination of all the things you've mentioned and I think you're doing everything you possibly can to help her x

 

[katietateypot]

She was a surprise to her mum, her mum was only 17 when she found out she was pregnant (she says she was 7 months gone) and wanted to give her up for adoption but then her mum said not to as she would regret it in the end. She's only just 22 now so just wants to go out.
As much as i have said she is a good mum to Gabi but i think she doesn't know how to handle some situations but that can be said for most people i think.

We will carry on doing what we're doing now just wanted to make sure they were the only options.

Thanks everyone for getting back to me xxxx