My worries

[littleJo]

I have so many worries regarding my pregnancy which is why I joined this forum - I don't really have many people I feel I can talk to about them.

I'm diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder which means I am on several medications - Two anti-psychotocs - Haloperidol and Quetiapine, aan anti-depressant - Escitalopram, tranquil,iser - Lorazepam, and sleeping tablets - Zopiclone.
I have been on medications for over five years and I am addicted to two of them. My GP has recommended that I come off all of them within the next few weeks, I am terrified. I know some people stay on medications but can't breast-feed, I really want to breast feed, it seems like a natural thing to do and healthier?
I don't really know how to go about making a decision as to whether or not I come on medications (and risk some of my symptoms coming back - in particular the psychotic symptoms and impulsivity - I have a history of self-harm and suicide attempts). I don't know if anyone can offer any advice?

Another thing is that I feel very scared about people judging me rather than supporting me. I have been lucky so far that I have the support of my Dad - who is the most important person to me, but I have not told my mother or let my partner tell his parents. They all know about my history of being mentally unstable and I'm so scared they'll criticise me, I feel so sensitive to what people say.

A further thing is that I feel worried that I'm too young. In reality I think to myself that plenty of people parent when they are younger - I am 23. But I worry about looking young and being judged for it. I don't want to be classed as someone who has made a mistake (because although baby was not planned, it is certainly not a mistake - I could never think that way, I tend to believe things happen for a reason).

Another thing is that I worry about the father of my baby. I worry he is too young, in his mind, he is 25 but can act quite immaturely, especially emotionally. I worry about not being with him forever (probably because my parents seperated when I was younger) and the affect it could have on the child. I also sometimes worry that I just don't want to be with him, and I can't trust him - he is my best friend in the world, but my ill mental health affects the way I am with him - especially in relation to having experienced sexual, physical and emotional abuse. I find it hard to know what is healthy in a relationship. I tend to have weird views about men and sex.

I feel like I've just written a load of things which will make people wonder why on earth I am having a child and feel like I'm ready? Don't be too harsh on me please?!
I am really happy to be pregnant, and I'm doing my absolute best to be healthier. I am also studying for my degree in Psychology (I want to be a Social Worker) and I have everything I really wish for.
People that I have trusted with my news have said they think I will be a great mother which boosts my confidence a bit.

I guess I possibly worry too much. I want to do the best job I can.

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

Welcome to the forum Hun!! I can't help you with the meds as only you know what's best for you there. I was younger than you when I had my daughter and OH was even younger! I was 21 and he was 19!! There's alot of younger mums out there so no one can say your a young mum! You and your OH will do a great job at being parents!! x x

 

[MrsK]

Hi, don't be panicing when I had my first son I was 19 and my partner 21, yes it was a struggle at first but now we are married, a nice home, good jobs and everyone says how good and nice our little boy is. Everything will fall into place and trust me pregnancy can be a worrying time I have a drama every day, lol. Good Luck and talk soon xoxox

 

[Piglet10]

i dont have much advice but keep in v close touch with ur gp and u have any probs with meds just go straight to gp... maybe try and embrace the preg and not worry too much might be the way forward?? i have no similar experience only age and most people are two faced gits so if they have a negative opinion chances r theyll say ut to someone else so no neec for you to worry about xxx

 

[Emmamb]

I can't help on the meds side but I had my 1st son wen I was 16,his dad was 20 and my second son wen I was 19. Unfortunaty we are no longer together but I coped as a young mum,even went back to school when my eldest was 8 weeks old and sat my exams. As soon as ur baby is born ur maternal instincts kick in and ul forget theses worries xx

 

[tinkerbell86]

Don't Worry I'm 23 - will be 24 when baby arrives!!!! I think we all have the insecurities as to how we will cope but i think that is very common!!!!

I worry about my OH not being there for baby as my dad committed suiside when i was 4 and over the past 5 years have got in contact with his family (although still not with my grandparents) and i worry that baby will feel how I have felt over the years!!! But i think also it's the hormones as i have found myself dwelling on this a few times throughout pregnancy - but you have to stay positive and think of whats best for the baby!!!

Speak to the GP about your medication as they will be the best person to tell you the implications of taking them whilst breastfeeding!! I personally am bottle feeding as i want OH to be more involved and gives them a chance to bond but thats my choice (plus i wouldn't be here if my mum had chosen to breastfeed me due to her getting a virus when i was a baby!!)

If you have any probs there is bound to be people on here to help you so feel free to ask as many questions as you like!!!

 

[LouiseB]

Hiya

Well everything that you wrote kind of makes me feel that having a baby is the best thing that could happen to you.

They can really put things into perspective and give you a focus to distract your thoughts away from yourself and the people around you.

Regarding the medication, i think it will be good for you to stop taking them - surely you don't have to stop taking them all at once? - and worse case scenario you go back to the doctor and tell him that you feel you need to go back on them.

No big deal, you can always said that you tried which is better than not trying at all imo.

A lot of the things you are worrying about, you won't know until they happen and when it does happen you'll have no choice but to deal with it and deal with it you will.

You have to give people you love the benefit of the doubt. I'm sure your partner will do the best that he can. A healthy relationship is one where neither of you is knowingly hurting the other - nothing more.

I reckon you are going to be just fine

 

[isobel84]

Im sorry but i cant help either when it comes to the medication.
But i have suffered from depression from age 14 and self harmed for about 8 years. My ex mentaly and physically abused me and he used to tell me that he hoped i would never have children cuz i "was sick in the head" and also, cuz of my relationship with him, its like im waiting for OH to kick of, i find it really hard to trust him, but 1 year and 9 month, still he have never done me nothing wrong.
Its hard when your past scares you to move on and having a baby is a massive thing. Im terrified, but my midwife knows my past which is good, i suggest you talk to your aswell.

And for the feeling young thing.. well.. im 26 this year and OH will be 33 and we are both so scared and i feel waaay to young but ofcourse im not, and nor are you hun.
I think you will be just fine, and i think seein and feeling that little baby grow inside you is gonna make you grow as a person and make you stronger and you are gonna do everything possible for your baby, and you will do it just perfect. dont worry. xx

 

[flexilexi394]

Hello! Im sure you will find a friend in everyone on here, and we all help eachother, im so grateful for the advice im given and stuff, and feel i can say things on here i couldnt to my closest people around me.

I think you having a baby is absolutely wonderful and it will give you something to work for and you will manage! everyone manages and i think we all have similar worries about a lot of things. Im 20 and will be when baby is born, same as my other half, and i worry like crazy hes going to lose interest in both me and baby. the only excitement hes shown is today at the scan he was like "oh it looks like a person" well duh!! lol. Im not hot on medication, but if you work hard and have support from a gp you will be ok.
really wish you all the best and am sure we will speak again! xxx

 

[Minchin]

Hey hon,

I'm sure you are going to be amost amazing mother
Having heaps of worries is totally normal, you just have a few extra added ones which can't be easy. I can't say much to help, one of by best friends has bipolar and takes meds and came off hers during pregnancy, she has seen a gp at least weekly, this wasn't in this country but I reckon you should fight for very frequent contact with your gp-it helped her loads and she had to keep a daily mood diary and stuff like that.
You are not too young and doubting that and your relationship is totally normal. Make sure you do all youc an to look after yourself and then you can be there for baby too
congratulations, being preganant is the best thing ever! xx