My OH's getting me down :(

[x0xbaybeeemz]

It started when we really got into TTC i told him to give up smoking so i nagged at him non stop for more than a week and he did it (not the way to of done it i know ).. even tho he lied about not having any but all threw that time all he was doing was leing to me and it effected me and i feel asif i cant trust him as much and i dont beleive the things he says sometimes

Hes 24 and im 17.. And i just feel asif im more mature than he is! He hasnt got a permanent job.. hes a brickys labourer which if it was down to him he wouldnt work at all.. and is also not good pay! when he is at work he hardly does anything apart from mess around with his pals which he is quite proud to tell everyone he messes about at work and does nothing.. he drinks everyday which recently has been getting to me!
He lives with his parents still and when im with him which i usualy stop a week then have 5dy break he goes out with his mates to the pub and leaves me hours on my own and i feel awkawrd around his parents!
He also cant drive and has got no prospects for the future.. I dont know what to do! Sometimes i just think why am i with him if he annoys me and doesnt sort him self out but then i think about it and he does love me to bits and cares about me alot but i need him to change and get himself sorted.. Iv told him a few times but he just doesnt listen!! One day im just going to up and go and iv told him that too but it doesnt get threw to him..
I want him to grow up act his age and sort himself out cause we are TTC ffs!! and he is acting like a kid himself and there is no way our baby would have a gd upbringing if he doesnt get to collage like he said he is and get abetter job learn to drive and pack the drinking up everyday and just grow up..
What should i do?????

 

[Craig]

Not trying to sound negative... but you dont seem all that happy with him at all hun, makes me wonder why yous decided to TTC...

Anyway, hope things work out, and he gets his act together - for your sake and the possible wee ones

 

[Sherlock]

What Craig said really. Why are you trying to conceive with this guy when things are far from good between you and you seem very unhappy with future prospects and so on. Its far from a good situation to be in and trying to get PG on top of it.

I'd get him to improve his act before carrying on TTC tbh. Getting PG now when he is as he is and you don't have a home together etc will probably only add more stress and its likely to backfire on you.

Sounds to me like he's not really given it proper thought, the enormity of bringing a child into this world and doesn't really want to accept responsibility for himself yet, let alone you or a child.

You are 17, plenty of time in the coming few years to try for a baby with this guy if things work out.

And if things don't work out with him, you are young and will meet someone in the future who does appreciate you more.

Good luck

 

[mary70]

i was going to say the same 17 is very young to be ttc by the sounds of it there is no stability in your relationship, you dont say if your still with parents, what is this father to be actually going to be able to offer an child u have, i would have a long hard think before any child is concieved

 

[lfc_sarah]

I would put the TTC on hold...

See if he changes first...

If not, then thats not the right situation to bring a baby into really

Hope it works out 4 u xx

 

[zebrastripes]

Do you really want to find yourself in a position at 17 where you are a mother, pretty much struggling on your own, because your OH is more interested in playing Bogies with his mates than having a child. You are only 17: you have plenty of time to have children, with this guy or not. I agree with everyone else: you're clearly not in the optimum situation to TTC: maybe you should wait for a few years

 

[x0xbaybeeemz]

Ok then thanks everyone..
I will have words with him again and hopefully he will listen

 

[Sherlock]

Ok then thanks everyone..
I will have words with him again and hopefully he will listen

Until he does though, please seriouly consider stopping TTC. You sound unhappy with things (and your OH does not sound stable atm either) so trying for a baby before things are resolved and worked out will only add to your problems with your partner, not help them. far from an ideal, or even semi ideal situation to find yourself pregnant in.

Good luck

 

[Penstraze]

Ok then thanks everyone..
I will have words with him again and hopefully he will listen

Until he does though, please seriouly consider stopping TTC. You sound unhappy with things (and your OH does not sound stable atm either) so trying for a baby before things are resolved and worked out will only add to your problems with your partner, not help them. far from an ideal, or even semi ideal situation to find yourself pregnant in.

Good luck

I totally agree and even if he does agree actions speak louder then words once you are looking for or have found a place together and are suporting yourselves then think about TTC but from what I gather he earns hardly anything and lives with his parents, I could be making assumptions here but I'm guessing you also live with your parents if so who will be paying for this child? I really don't want to upset you but it doesn't seem like you have thought this through at all and it doesn't sound like a good situation to bring a baby into!!!

I am 23 will be 24 before my baby arrives, I am married have a good well paid job, a very suportive 28 year old husband (who coincidently has only grown up and settled down in recent years men mature later then girls) we rent a lovely 2 bedroom house and have some savings this pregnancy was an accident and we are both worried about money and not really being able to afford this baby, a baby is a huge responsiblity and wanting to be pregnant and have a baby really doesn't prepair you for the reality of being pregnant and knowing there is a baby on the way who's solely your responsiblity!

 

[Quill]

prospects for the future.. I dont know what to do!

One of the things I should have done with my ex is sit down and ask him where he wanted to be in 5 years... and tell him where *I* wanted to be in 5 years. We'd both have been a lot happier if we'd gone our separate ways earlier in life.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years if you stay with him and have a baby?

Conversely, where do you see yourself in 5 years if perhaps you put TTC on hold and pursued a degree or a job?

It does sound like your OH should think things through, but have confidence in yourself that you are strong, too. Make the most of the opportunities you have right now. With a child, you won't be as flexible or as able to take advantage of learning and getting experience. Even a short internship or a temp job will look good on your CV and do wonders for your confidence. It also might help your OH.

Good luck whatever you do

 

[Tadpole]

I don't think you're going to like this but I am going to say it anyway.

I think you should stop TTC. Leave him. Go and do something else. Chuck some stuff in a backpack & go travelling. Get a job - not just for money but for fun, so you get to do something off-the-wall. Go to college. Anything. While you are out living and enjoying yourself you will meet a man who thinks you are the bees knees and will do anything for you. He is the one to TTC with. It will amaze you how good life can be when you're doing it with the right person.

Good luck with everything.

 

[BabyMagic]

Sorry to hear about your situation.

Unfortunately, it can be very difficult to change another person or their habits. It sounds like that he may not be the right person for you.

Said that, if you really love him and want to have a child with him, it is your decision.

Good luck.

 

[x0xbaybeeemz]

I do really love him and want a kid with him..
We are looking for aflat to move into soon aswel..
And thanks for your help everyone ..x

 

[dannii87]

Hello hun, sorry you're in such a crappy situation...

Just wanted to add something to the comments above... I am 20, fell pregnant by accident, BF was very supportive - which lasted all of 2 weeks then buggered off and I'm now doing it on my own.

I am finding it VERY hard already and just WISH I could put a little visual scene in your head so you can see what it'll be like.

I have no doubt at all that you will make a fantastic mum, be that now or in 5 years time. I don't know if you're planning on getting a council house etc, and I won't discuss my views on that as it's not the topic of conversation here, but do you not think it would be best for EVERYONE involved (even your future bubs) to wait? You may well be setting yourself up for a life of misery, according to statistics and hearing what he's like, YOUR child could be brought up with no work ethic, dad can't be arsed, and mummy's left holding the fort 24/7?

No one is judging you though hun, because if you were 17 with a 24 year old and you were happy and settled and lived together etc, we'd all be congratulating you and supporting you on testing day (not that we wont!! Don't get me wrong), it's just difficult for some ladies on here (me included) to understand why you would possibly want to bring a baby into this if you can possibly help it? Sorry, don't want to sound harsh.

Maybe babe, you are seeing things through rose tinted glasses? Sometimes loving someone just isn't enough xxx

 

[x0xbaybeeemz]

Thank you for that I totally understand where you are all coming from and actually i think we are alright again atm.. We havent been arguing and moaning at each other as much but then again it always happens in relationships
Soon as im pregs if not before we will rent a flat out because id want us to live together and for him to be there for me during my pregnancy.. its not like i dont know what im going to do when im pregnant.. Iv got it all planned out..x

 

[dannii87]

I'm glad things seem to be going alright for you at the moment

Good luck testing tomorrow hun xxx

 

[x0xbaybeeemz]

My ticker thing is actually wrong.. I shall be testing on sunday
But thanks anyway ..x