My friends have stopped talking to me

[Jess_D_S]

Hi,
I'm 8 and a half weeks pregnant and completely stressing! I was told the only way for me to get pregnant was IVF and then all of a sudden I'm Pregnant! I wasn't intending on having kids until next year. Not that I'm not thrilled at the news!
For a bit of support I told a couple of my best friends who know the situation, one who is currently going through IVF, so will hopefully be pregnant in the next couple of weeks.
But when I told my friends, the friend who is going through IVF has said I'm insensitive and the other friend has just stopped talking to me. I told them for support but have come away feeling extremely upset and stressed.
Has anyone else had friends react in a bad way or does anyone have any tips?
Thanks xx

 

[Donna88]

I find it a bit harsh that your friend has said you've been insensitive. Especially as you've also been told you'd need IVF she should be happy for you not having to go through the IVF

The only thing I can think is did you tell her that you didn't want to get pregnant until next year? As if she is desperately trying through IVF she will be worried that it might not take and may see you announcing your pregnancy to her while also saying it's not an ideal time as being a bit hurtful. Remember she will have lots of hormones as well from the IVF.

All you can do is reach out to them; ask the other one if she's okay and say you're worried as haven't heard from her for a while and maybe speak to the one going through IVF and apologise for hurting her; explain that you didn't mean to be insensitive but that you're sorry that you have obviously hurt her feelings.

 

[Donna88]

I think turning to your friend going through the IVF for support probably was a poor choice to be honest; but obviously I don't know your situation and how close you are. She will be going through a lot herself so isn't really in a position to be supporting someone who she will see as being in a perfect situation. I know you say so hopefully she'll be pregnant in a week or two as well, but she'll have a lot more going through her head. She'll be worried about whether it will work; she may not be feeling as hopeful in her situation as you are right now.

 

[Jess_D_S]

Thanks for your comments.
We are very close, and have been for years. So both fully know my situation, including that we were planning for next year.
To be honest, I think when telling my friend who is going through IVF, it was more so I wasnt telling her when she was announcing herself and the support was from my other friend. But I completely understand why she would find it hard as well as not want to be around me. I have apologised, as I know that it must be really hard for her. But I just don't quite understand my other friends reaction

 

[Donna88]

Yeah your other friends reaction sounds very odd. Sometimes people can be funny. I had a friend who just didn't acknowledge my pregnancy for months. Sometimes getting pregnant really does show you who your friends are.
I hope they both come around anyway

 

[Jess_D_S]

Thank you and appreciate your help

 

[Staceylou27]

With my first pregnancy when we told my sister in law she didn’t seem happy for us and didn’t want to talk about anything to do with the baby she didn’t seem excited for us, turns out they were trying for a baby as well. I would have expected her to be happy regardless but I did understand and soon after my first baby was born she fell pregnant.
I found out Christmas Day that they were tying for a second baby and I got my BFp a few days after Christmas. We havnt told her yet as not sure how she will react, it was our first month trying and we didn’t know they were trying as well.

I would say give your friends time and hopefully they will come around, your friend may be finding it more difficult with going through IVG herself.
You might be finding out the hard way who your true friends really are. Good luck x

 

[WinterWolf]

They’re probably jealous, but as adults they should be able to put that aside and be happy for you. If a friend can’t be happy when something amazing happens to you, they’re not a good friend.

Your friend doing IVF was probably looking forward to having someone to relate to about it so I understand her not being totally thrilled right away. She’ll probably come around though. Your other friend though... well let’s say having kids really shows you who your real friends are.

 

[MissKW]

I think that's very harsh and immature of them.
When I was ttc after a loss one of my closest friends fell pregnant and hid it from me until I told her I was pregnant. I was disheartened that she didn't tell me as I was overjoyed for her and knew she was trying. She was worried I would be upset that she conceived so quickly whilst we wer struggling. We ended up being pregnant at the same time with babies born 5 weeks apart.
No matter what they are going through they should be happy for you regardless. It's thoughtless of them to close you out or be upset with you. It's fantastic news and they should treat it as such.
That said if these friends mean a lot to you I think I would just go with the flow, if they are upset and don't want to talk then let it be and leave the door open incase they feel differently later on. If they can't be happy for you, as you would be for them, it's not worth worrying or arguing about x