Snooty friends

[Bee7]

Hi everyone,
I know this maybe seems like a really silly thing to complain about when there's so much more important things to worry about during a pregnancy, but has anyone else had a really snooty response from friends/family about their pregnancy?
I'm nearly 25 but i'm the first one out of my group of friends to fall pregnant and from some of the comments they've made anyone would think i was about 15! We all went to university together and i get the feeling that they think my degree is now wasted and that having a child means i won't amount to anything. They base a lot of relevance on money and success and i get the impression they think i can't achieve any of that now. They also regularly talk about things that they know i won't be able to take part in anymore in front of me (like holidays, festivals, nights out etc) which i find a little insensitive.
I've always wanted to be a freelance novelist and i really hope that i can prove them wrong and show that having a baby doesn't mean the end of my life/career and that i can have a happy medium.
Sorry for the huge rant but i feel like in some ways i'm being a little over sensitive and just need to unleash...damn hormones!

 

[munchkin1982]

hun. i dont really have much advice.on this as not really knowing you or your friends etc but quite frankly they dont really sound very nice . if they dont want a family/kids til they are old and grey then that is their lookout. you can still have kids and be successful with a career etc. sod em i say! lol. and what right do they have to tell you you wont succeed etc or that you are throwing your life away? you are about to have the best job in the world that some women could only dream of! keep smiling you will be fine xxx

 

[marley]

Hi Bee,

I'm 24, I graduated a few years back i have a similar circle of friends, with regards to uni etc.

I'm not around that circle anymore as i left London to move back to my home town. Most of my friends here who didn't go to uni, who stayed and worked now have children.

I think in terms of the uni/graduate world we are 'young' to be having children as many of them are just starting their careers!

I was in the process of becoming a primary school teacher, i still have plans to return...

Don't worry about being judged and don't judge yourself against them, we are all on our own individual journeys!


Hope your ok xxxxx

 

[Sleepy sue]

Don't let them get to you! I'm 32 and got quite a successful career, I love my job and yes I am very proud of it but a job is a job and you are so easily replaced in the job Market today that you really are a number now. You'll never be just a number to your lo and will be the centre of their universe forever
I wish I'd have started a family a little earlier but your friends will prob be like me and yes materialistic things are good but I can't wait for a hug off my lo !!!!

Your friends don't mean no harm, I used to be the same as i had no interest in children and didn't know what to do with them (still a little confused lol) but I'm sure if they are true friends you'll stay in touch xx

 

[BabyBrain]

Not sure JK Rowling would agree that being a mummy means you can't be successful lol. My oldest nephew had the nerve to turn up in the middle of my sister's masters degree and she has an amazing career. I think often having a little one that relies on you for everything can make you more determined to excel even more xxxxx

 

[Sarah13]

Don't worry about your friends, you will find you have less and less in common and find some great new friends you can share your happiness with, get out to maternity classes and mum and baby classes, where you will find other like minded women. The other girls are right, a job is just a job even if it is high paid, it pails into insignificance compared to a child.

I had my daughter at 21 and i was beginning my career and still had a successful career. 15 years later I'm in the middle of my masters and expecting my second which doesn't phase me, these days women can do what they like after all men have done for years! As for not doing stuff, you don't suddenly become a hermit when your pregnant or a mum, I've still done all those things over the years just takes more planning or you bring baby with you!

 

[Bee7]

Thanks so much for the comments guys. I think i was just on a bit of a rant last night, but you're all totally right. I think i need to surround myself with people who can be positive/supportive about my pregnancy, not those who just make me feel bad about myself. It has been a blow to my career plans (especially now that i keep getting offered interviews that i'm having to turn down - typical, i never seemed to get anything before finding out i was pregnant!) but it's encouraging to see that people are still able to juggle motherhood and successful careers.

Even now in the early stages of my pregnancy i can see that money, nice cars, designer clothes etc are nice...but these are not the be all and end all in life. Having a child that looks up to you and relies on you and loves you unconditionally is surely the most important job there is. Thanks for reminding me of this

 

[NinjaKitty]

It has been a blow to my career plans (especially now that i keep getting offered interviews that i'm having to turn down - typical, i never seemed to get anything before finding out i was pregnant!)

FYI, you can still interview for jobs and you don't have to tell them that you are PG. They are not allowed to discriminate against you because they are PG. TBH I wouldn't tell them at interview so they don't have opportunity to discriminate. You don't have to tell an employer that you are pregnant until 15 weeks before your baby is due. The only thing I can think of is that you probably won't qualify for mat leave pay BUT I'm pretty sure that you'll still get it off the government.

Your life and ambitions don't have to stop because you are having a baby. You may want to modify your choices to suit your circumstances.

GL with whatever you decide but you can have a career and a family. There are plenty of us who still need to work after having our bubs.

 

[Sarah13]

There's a few girls on here who got good jobs while pregnant, go for it if its a job you really want, like ninjakitty said you may not get full maternity pay but still worth going for, good luck!

 

[Bee7]

A couple of the jobs i've been offered interviews for were fixed term contracts, so it'd be risky to leave my current permanent job for them anyway...although had i not been pregnant i probably would have been more inclined to take that risk. At the moment i work for a local government authority and get a very good maternity package because i've been a continuous employee for more than 2 years. I wouldn't want to lose the benefits of that. Also, my manager is really supprotive and i know she'd be flexible with me regarding working hours etc when i want to return to work.

I'm hoping (although this is probably highly unlikely) that during my maternity leave, if i get any spare time at all i could maybe start doing some freelance writing from home. I've heard a lot of stories about women who started writing from home as a career after their children were born. Although its probably a bit optimistic to think i'll have that much spare time!

 

[Sarah13]

Sounds like a great plan to me! And your probably right to stay with your current employer as they sound very understanding etc for just now, you have plenty of time once baby is here to change jobs. You will find time to write, even if it's just noting down ideas for plots, characters etc while your sitting feeding baby or while it's sleeping, long as you have the motivation to make the time you will do!

 

[BevG]

i havent got any friends really, the ppl i socialise with dont care that im pg as long as im still willing to do tattoos for them, the rest never talk to me anyway. the one or two that do talk to me said that they thought i hated kids cos im almost 30, didnt have any and dont go mushy over them. the ppl in work kinda treat me like ive let them down or something.....

i dont even care, i wanted a family of my own since i was 18 and was just finding a decent guy to be dad. no other person is gonna mean as much to me as my child so they can all spin for all i care lol

 

[DaisyPurple]

Bev you will find you will make friends with other mums once Lo arrives, I was the same as you x
Where about a in n Wales r u? Im nr Mold x

 

[BevG]

im by Rhyl and i know i will meet ppl after LO is born but ive never really fit in with others that well. ppl say i come across as a know it all and like i dont care about ppls opinions. my regional manager thinks i have aspergers and i kinda agree so im apprehensive about wether i'll get on with them.

i like reading and learning stuff and i am totally willing to make new friends but i usually come across as a weirdo lol. my OH finds my odd things amusing but ive had right funny looks off ppl in the past. i also dont rate the intelligence level/work ethic/general attitude of most of the ppl that i meet that live in rhyl unfortunately.

 

[DaisyPurple]

You could always move lol, I've found the same with most of rhyl tbh, x
Aspergers, well yes I know all about that too, x

 

[BevG]

ah i have my family and thats all i need, my OH thinks im awesome and funny in my weird little ways and im ever so nice and helpful and generous if ppl give me a chance but i do find it hard to actually care if i have friends or not most of the time, if a little depressing at other times. i drive so i dont have to go to rhyl if i dont wanna haha, prefer to sit in and chill more often than not and much like talking on the interweb as ppl dont misjudge you so easily on here because its not emotionally loaded and ppl cant misinterpret your tone or body language.

i was once told by a mate that if it dosent fit into my little box of the way the world is then i ignore it i.e it dosent matter.......i find this to be correct yet he said it like that was a bad thing lol.

you seem like a lovely lady daisy, hope everything is goin good for you at the moment x

 

[angelmma]

I'm hoping (although this is probably highly unlikely) that during my maternity leave, if i get any spare time at all i could maybe start doing some freelance writing from home. I've heard a lot of stories about women who started writing from home as a career after their children were born. Although its probably a bit optimistic to think i'll have that much spare time!

Hey I just want to let you know that I am currently pregnant with my 2nd and have a daughter whos 9 years old. I work full time and prior to this pregnancy also had another job. I am also currenty 38,000 words into my debut novel haha. Theres been times in the pregnancy I havent felt inclined to write a single word but other times when I go over what I have already written and edit it. So if you felt up to it you could even start working on a novel now, as it can be quite nice to ecsape the realities of pregnancy sometimes haha.

I wouldnt listen to your friends if I were you as they dont seem to realise that having a baby doesnt mean the end of your career, I found it actually pushed me to make more of myself Best of luck xxx

 

[Bee7]

Thank you so much for that angelmma, it's so encouraging to hear a story like yours. I've wanted to write a novel for so long but never seemed to grasp the inspiration/motivation to actually sit down and do it. Can i ask what genre your novel is? I'm mostly interested in modern fiction, wouldn't say 'chick lit' but that sort of thing. Childrens fiction also interests me. I wish you every success, 38,000 words is an achievement in itself! xxxx

 

[angelmma]

Hey Bee, mine was actually based on a messed up dream I had haha. Ive started stories before but never really bothered then with them, but this one has taken on a life of its own. I had also joined 'thenextbigwriter.com' and they are amazing for giving advice and they have people that will help edit your work if you review them. Although I was a full member Im just a reviewer at the min until I get the novel finished. The novel is in the young adult/crossover genre, with a fantasy twist haha. Although its not about fairys or vampires haha. Best of luck xxxx

 

[Bee7]

Sounds very interesting! You could be the next Stephanie Meyer. I will have to take a peek at the website, sounds good. I'm in the process of completing the Writers Bureau Comprehensive Writing Course which gives a lot of advice on earning money by writing articles for magazines etc, as well as a fiction module too (although to be honest i haven't looked at it for a while, can't blame the pregnancy on that either, i was slacking ages before i found out!) Hopefully it's something i can pick up again though. Best of luck, hope to see you in print xxxx