My first scan...

[Katarina]

said I am 21-22 weeks!
I only found out I was pregnant 2 weeks ago and I expected to be around the 10 week stage. I havn't felt sick or had any other symptoms, I don't even have a bump!
I have uncontrolled diabetes and I smoke and, considering the risks which include spinabifida and deformity , we were hoping to have a termination.
Now I am very confused, my partner feels a termination would be the right decision, as did I until today but now, I feel terrible for even considering it.
I don't want to risk losing my partner, he is a wonderful, wonderful man but I can't help the way I feel.
I realise the baby would most likely have some severe problems but considering it's age, is it still reasonable to have a termination?
I feel so guilty, there are so many people who would do anything to be in my position and I'm thinking about throwing this gift away.
I'm so confused

 

[jocymum]

Firstly
Secondly, it has to be your choice,hon... but I would have thought that any major defects would have been seen at your scan by this stage and termination so late on is not going to be straightforward for you at all, you would probably have to go through an induced labour and it would be much more traumatic for you than at 10weeks
You don't have a lot of time so I would get all the facts you can and then talk to your partner-- men love facts not emotion so he might see it clearer if you get it all on paper/leaflets.
Smoking (although not good ) shouldn't be a factor in your options,women can and do go on to have healthy babies when they've smoked so try and forget that for the minute..
I do hope you find a way through this, and don't feel guilty about any of it.

 

[Hellokitty]

Did they spot any problems at the scan?

You need to spend time talking about the risks to the baby with a consultant preferably.

I don't want to sound flippant, but no matter how wonderful your partner is there will always be the opportunity to find another.

You may not have another chance of having a child.

Its very difficult for you, but since you are going to have to give birth to the baby regardless of your choice, you must be certain you are very well informed.

 

[Hellokitty]

Oh and I forgot to ask...Why is your diabetes so uncontrolled? Is it due to the severity of you condition alone?

 

[oldermum]

If termination was decided because of defects then i'm sure most ladies on here would agree that considering a termination was the right thing no-matter what stage your at.

If it's just a case of not wanting a baba yet and baba is ok then i could never consider a termination at this point in pregnancy.

Obviously finding out so late does make you have to rush your choices but please speak to a midwife/consultant immediately, they should be considerate in your situation and give you lots of help.

 

[Lyndsey]

You have some thinking to do but it is important not to be pressurised by anyone else. This is your body and therfore your choice...... do not let your feelings for your partner cloud this. Why does he feel that a termination is best? Does he know what is involved at this stage? If he is as wonderful as you say then he will respect your decision whatever it may be.

As previously said smoking through pregnancy though not reccomended does not always contribute to birth defects. As for the uncontrolled diabetes you would have to ask your midwife about this....... but any major abnormalities should have been picked up in your scan.... did the sonographer say anything to you? It is more than likely that unless the sonographer picked up on abnormailities that you have a healthy normal baby..... Your diabetes should be monitored and controlled throughout pregnancy and I would hope that you have been referred to a consultant to discuss this.

If your reason for a termination is because the baby Does have bnormalities etc then you make the decision based on this knowledge but I would think long and hard about making a decision that wasn't based on fact. The process at this late stage can be very difficult.

If you want a termination because you feel you can't cope with a baby then I think you should have some counselling to discuss why you have these concerns and if there is any way outside agencies can help. There are lots of people who are available to help you and lots of "options"

Whatever you decide this is your decision and you will not be judged on this. Let us know how you get on and we will be here for you if you need any further help or advice...

Good Luck chick


Lyndsey

 

[kirlykird]

don't really know what to say but good luck anyway in making the decision that is right for you.


Big hugs to you both

 

[Katarina]

Thank you sooo much for your support
There were a number of reasons we decided to terminate, my diabetes being one of the biggest, there are so many gruesome things that could happen to the baby if it's not under control
It is so uncontrolled because of my age (22) and lifestyle, I do work hard to control it and havn't had any major 'episodes' for years now
This scan was at the termination clinic, they didn't tell me anything and I didn't think to ask, I think I was a little shocked after they told me how far along I was!
I've not been referred to anybody, I spoke to my GP 2 weeks ago and he sent me straight to the termination clinic.
I really don't know who I should talk to about this. I havn't really had chance to speak to my partner since the appointment yesterday, I'll make sure we have a really good chat this afternoon.
Thank you again for being so wonderful

 

[Emma22]

can you not get back in touch with the clinic to speak to someone there who can advise you about the outcome of the scan and whether any major abnormalities were found?

as the girls said before if you do decide to terminate without all the facts then it will be very traumatic for you as you will have to deliver the baby. If i were in your shoes i would arrange to go back and consult the clinic where you had the scan and get every fact you can and see what their advice is for you. good luck.

 

[Lyndsey]

So do you have an appointment for the termination yet?

I am not sure but I think you have to have a chat with someone before you go ahead with it to make sure it is what you want. make sure you have all the facts before you make that decision - if you do then it will be easier on you mentally in the years to come.... ( not having to think "what if I asked that" or why didn't she tell me..... etc) and remember that you have the right to change your mind at any stage up until the give you the medication and begin the procedure - any doubt and don't do it.

If you have decided to go for it make sure that you utilise the support available through your GP ie) counselling or support groups and remember that we are all here to help!

Best of Luck

Lyndsey

 

[Katarina]

Yes, I have to go for a 'One Stage Surgical Abortion' on the 7th, should be around 24 weeks then
The procedure sounds very, very disturbing.
I'm going to do as suggested and call the clinic to find out about the scan and hopefully arrange an appointment with someone who knows what they're talking about, none of the people I've spoken to so far seem to know anything about diabetic pregnancies.
I'll let you know how it goes

 

[Becks&Riley]

I always thought you couldnt have a terminatation past a certain point

 

[Lyndsey]

You can have a termination at any point in the pregnancy for medical reasons.

 

[cloud9]

i think 24 weeks is the limit Becks

i suggest you search for info on the web .there is alsorts of info.The more info you have the better..if you can't get much info from the clinic go back and talk to your GP.

Good lcuk

 

[missac]

I really don't know what I can say that would be of any help but wanted to let you know that we are all here for you whatever decision you make.