sad news at 13 week scan

babydust

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i had my scan today and got some very bad news the baby has alot of pockets of fluid around its head and neck, has no septum, and only 2 heart chambers, i am numb i dont know what to do or think they did a cvs i think its called they took some cells from placenta, but they say it will not survive and i should have a termination, they have booked me in for tomorrow but i dont know what to do, in the same sentence they mentioned chromisome abnormalities, edwards syndrom, downs syndrom, and turners syndrom, they dont know which till results on thursday, apparently if i wait till then i cant have a surgical termination it will have to be a medical one. They basically have given me no hope. To make it worse my husband couldnt come with me my mum came and i let my daughters come in, BIG mistake. I know its going to die but i dont know if i can terminate it. I really dont know what to do. :cry:
 
aww huni, im so sorry to hear your news.. you need to do whats right for you babes, non one can tell you which way to turn..

my thoughts are with you at this sad time.. :hug: :hug: :hug:
 
Aww hun I am so sorry I really dont know what to say.

I wish I could say something to make you feel better but I cant.

Just know I am thinking of you.


:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
 
:cry:
im so sorry hun, i dont no what to say but im thinking of you
:hug:
x sophie x
 
So sorry hun, thats a very hard thing to have to decide. Thinking of you and your family :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
 
I'm so sorry hun. Just so you know that I am thinking of you. :hug: xxxx
 
I think you should ask them to explain everything again because it is a lot to take on board, especially when you are emotional about what they are telling you.

I'm so sorry you are in this position. Can't imagine how you feel.

xxx
 
that is an awful thing to happen- thinking of you and your family :hug: :hug: :hug:
 
I do hope God will bring you some comfort at this time. So sorry to hear this hun, my prayers and thoughts are with you.. :hug: :hug:
 
My thoughts are with you.

3 weeks ago my daughter was born asleep at 23 weeks, she had Edwards Syndrome.

I have sent you a pm

Tracey xx
 
Im so sorry sweetheart to hear your bad news, there seems to be a lot of it lately.
You have to do whats right for you at the end of the day. But in all honesty and your guna hate me for saying this - you are hanging on to a baby that will have no quality of life with all the defects you have mentioned. Its a awful thing to have happen to you and I can imagine a shock to the system and your whole family.
But my thoughts and good wishes are with you and hope you get through this awful time with your familys love and support.

Maybe having a termination will help give you some much needed closure on everything and help you move on. Im not saying get rid of it and pretend it didnt happen becasue you wont be able too.

Good luck in whatever you decide to so. :hug:
 
Claire,

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. You've not been able to give much information for me to try and research which chromosomal abnormality your baby may be most likely to have, but from what you say, it does sound most like Down's. People with Down's or Turner's syndrome can often have a relatively normal and healthy lifespan. Turner's only affects girls. I have known 2 girls with Turner's Syndrome and both were pretty girls with normal intelligence (if a lot wiser than their years!). I also have a good friend with Downs, in her 40s, who lives in her own flat. Edwards Syndrome is 'incompatible with life', however.

Until you have all of the facts and know for sure what abnormality your baby has (when you have the test results back), then you can't really come to any sort of "decision". You already have children. You have to find out what you can about the particular syndrome your baby has - what effects that might have on his/her future health and development - and weigh that up against what you feel you could cope with as a family. Only then can you make any sort of decision. You certainly shouldn't be expected to agree to a termination before you've even had your diagnostic test results back.

I wouldn't be panicked by the thought that you can't have a surgical termination if you don't make a decision within a day (that advice seems outrageous!). Please take your time. Have people you trust with you (preferably someone as well as your partner and who isn't the baby's grandparent) when you meet the doctors because you might not be able to take in what they are saying and you need someone who can ask the doctors questions on your behalf, or to remind you what was said later on. At the very least, think of a list of questions and write them down before you meet the doctors and make sure you raise them. The doctors should spend as much time with you as you need - especially if they're expecting you to terminate.

Doctors are at their work. I'm not saying that none of them are compassionate, but they are detached from your situation. If they suspect chromosomal abnormalities, their first response is to medically manage a "problem" (that is, usually to terminate a pregnancy as quickly as possible). On the other hand, you are an expectant mum who has bonded with your baby for many months. You and the doctors are coming from completely different perspectives. Don't allow them to rush you into anything with their views - just because they're the professionals doesn't mean that they always know what is best for you. I'm not suggesting for one moment that the doctors will have their diagnosis wrong once they get the lab results back, I'm just saying don't allow them to rush you into a termination within a day or two just to suit their schedules. You need time to think.

I believe (and this is only a personal opinion, so please feel free to disregard it) that it is more therapeutic and medically safer for a woman to go through labour and giving birth (in the 2nd and 3rd trimesters) than to have surgery, even when she has decided to end her pregnancy early. When you are given the diagnosis of severe abnormality, then your ability to make a "choice" or a decision has been taken out of your hands. You are not choosing to terminate your pregnancy (because of course, you want to still be pregnant and give birth to a healthy baby). You are weighing up what you think you can cope with as a family in terms of having a child with lifetime developmental/physical health issues. Although some people have opinions on what is the "right" thing to do in those circumstances, only you and your partner can decide what is right in your circumstances. I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation.

Even if you do decide to end your pregnancy early, going through labour helps you mentally prepare for your baby (even if you have to lose him or her, this is importnant). Giving birth would allow you (and your family) to meet your baby, see what she or he looks like, cuddle him or her and to say 'goodbye' properly, which is a very important part of the healing process.

A number of women on here have sadly been in a similar situation to yours during this trimester recently. Take up Tracey's kind offer of support and perhaps read how some of the others have coped since (for example, Anna B).

I'm thinking of you at this stressful and sad time and hoping that the outcome is somehow not as bad as you first feared.

Love,
Wendy
xxxx
 
I'm so sorry to hear this. WendyWandy's advice seems sound. Do hope you have good support around you. My thoughts are with you.
:hug:
 

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