Multiple miscarriages, looking for someone to talk to

[Hopeandwish]

Hi everyone, I've just had my 3rd miscarriage. One was early at 5-6 weeks, second was 19 weeks and yesterday, I gave birth to my little angel baby who's heart stopped beating around 14 weeks (13+5), we found out at a 16 week scan. This labour was a much harder experience than my previous labour. My labour with my second 19 week loss, my beautiful boy Louis, my waters went and my beautiful little baby was out soon followed by the placenta. Yesterday's labour was a bit harder to say the least. Im left feeling, how do ladies have multiple miscarriages and keep going? Where do they get their strength from? Being my 3rd loss was hard enough, 2 labours were hard enough but yesterday's experience has added to the "how will my partner and I be strong enough to do this all again". I'm high risk for losses and just feel like if I do keep trying, I'm going to keep going through this. Are there any ladies on here with multiple miscarriages and continued trying who could help answer some of these questions please? Xx

 

[cocosherbie]

Hi Hopeandwish,
Im so, so sorry you've had to go through this. You must be utterly heartbroken. I cant offer any advice on the multiple miscarriages - Ive had one in May this year, a blighted ovum which I found out at 10 weeks. Am pg again right now but very nervous, I cant imagine what you must be going through.
The only thing I will say is that Ive read lots and lots of stories on this site of ladies who have had multiple mc's and gone on to have healthy babies. You are definately not alone but I understand it must be hard to stay strong after having to go through this time and time again.
Im really hoping next time is the rainbow baby you deserve, take care xx

 

[flisstebbs]

What an awful ,awful time for you. Such late losses must be so hard. I had 4 miscarriages but these were between 6 and 12 weeks, so although heart breaking, not quite in the same league. After the 3rd one they did some tests, and although not conclusive the first time round, I had a good consultant who kept me under close care, and after my 4th did more tests that did show I had a clotting problem, and an issue with immune system attacking the baby.

Only advice I can give you, is just after a miscarriage you feel totally broken emotionally and physically and need time to grieve. After my 4th one, I told my husband we were not going to do it again. He supported me, but said not to make any rash decisions, and after a month or so, my head was in a better place. I got some counselling too.

We made the decision to only keep trying if our consultant could give us new things to try, and on the 5th go with blood thinners, steroids, progesterone, and aspirin, we got our rainbow. It seems surreal now that I ever had so much doubt that we could get to where we are now.

This forum is a good place for support, but can be hard seeing all the normal pregnancies, so if you are hurting badly, consider looking somewhere like the miscarriage association, they are fab.

Not sure I can offer any words that could help how you feel now, but I hope your pain eases soon.

 

[Serenede]

Hi Hopeandwish,

I'm so sorry to hear of your losses, you must be devastated particularly with them being late losses. I too have just had my third miscarriage. The first two were MMC's at 9 and 10 weeks and the last one was a blighted ovum. I am feeling exactly the same, how do you carry on? Are you having any testing done? We are going to St Mary's in Loncon in six weeks time to start the process.
Flisstebbs, how did they find your immune problem. I have a feeling this could be my problem as I have two auto immune diseases x

 

[Hopeandwish]

Thanks everyone. I'm so sorry to hear of your losses. I do have an immune problem which attacks baby. Fetal/neonatal hemochromatosis. We found this out from the post mortem of my last pregnancy with my angel Louis. I had a pregnancy plan in place for this and future pregnancies for IVIG from 14 weeks of pregnancy (I had one treatment this pregnancy as we weren't aware we had lost the baby at that point, I found out at 16 weeks). I have made friends with another lady who lost her beautiful boy due to this also, she advised me that the reason treatment starts at 14 weeks is because women with my immune problem are likely to experience many pregnancy losses upto 14 weeks. I didn't know this information and after yesterday's labour experience (I'm trying not to say too much because I don't want to sound like a scare story for any pregnant ladies). I'm just not sure how couples continue on trying. I'm scared even thinking about it now xx

 

[blueeyes34]

Hi,
I don't have any advice but just want to say how sorry I am for you. I have had 2 miscarriages, but much early than you, it must be truly heart breaking for you. I hope you get answers, and have a healthy pregnancy in the future xx

 

[flisstebbs]

Hopeandwish - that's great they've found something to act on, and as heartbreaking as it is, this last loss may of course be down to chance. However, its always worth considering timing and there being more than one thing wrong. My 4th pregnancy, we did the blood thinners from 6 weeks. This pregnancy did progress better than my others, but we lost the baby at 9 weeks. The next time we did the thinners from bfp with steroids.

Serenede - it was very "soft" proof, they tested my baby and placenta from erpc of the 4th mc and although there was a cock up with testing the baby, the placenta showed signs of "immune infiltrate". My consultant was happy to treat based on this and the fact I have lots of allergies/asthma/eczema type probs.

When I did my research into this after my 3rd mc, I didn't want to go to St Mary's as I read from multiple sources that their approach is "TLC" with offering lots of support in future pregnancies rather than being very proactive with treatment. This is very individual as there seems to be no conclusive proof out there on this, but I am someone who needs to have a plan, and couldn't have continued just trying without doing something different.

Ladies, I wish you both all the luck in the world for your next stage, feel free to message me if you want. x

 

[Hopeful75]

I'm so sorry to hear of your losses hopeandwish. I've lost 4, but like flisstebbs, they've all been before 12 weeks. I echo everything she said though - it is important not to make any immediate decisions. Just take the time to grieve for the loss of your little one and find comfort in your oh. We took a few months off ttc, but decided that we definitely weren't ready to give up on our dreams of a family, but everyone is different and there is no right answer.