Millies New Journal

[russellmuscle]

Sorry the witch got you.

Best of luck for an xmas bfp.

xxxx

 

[millielaura]

Can hcg be up and down without anything being retained?
I had bfns then this week had a really slight line and then bfns again and now these. Scan showed nothing retained but I'm soo worried there is. I go on holiday next weekend! it's only been 16 days since mc xxx

 

[phonixgirl]

I totally recommend metformin to all of you. I had to push really hard for it as I don't have typical PCOS symptoms and my weight was hidden (it all went on my legs). But my cycles are sooo much better on it - all the CM you read about, no spotting, AF lasting a few days that wasn't stupidly heavily and no cramps. Plus when I had my scan, it showed no cysts and then when I had IVF, although it didn't work, my eggs were very good quality and an average amount (you'd expect something like 30+ from a typical PCOS lady, of which maybe 10 or so fertilise, and not very good quality at all). I honestly believe this is down to the metformin. Xxx

 

[phonixgirl]

Oh, and the fat on my legs has gone (yay) and I didn't get my usual PMS acne these past couple of cycles xx

 

[lisey]

Millie, that's really odd. Did you say you have had negatives on tests since MC? It took quite a long time for my hormones to come back down last time, think it was about a month or so xx

 

[millielaura]

Yeah I think my hormones are prob just everywhere! Feel like it may take a while this time. Hope not!

I'm gonna make doc appt tomorrow about it and also will ask about metformin.
Started soy since the light bleed I had. Maybe not a wise idea when hormones are still everywhere but hey ho lol! Hoping it may help to regulate it again just a little xxx

 

[Eryinera]

Have you had a blood test? I've had varying lines in strength with my hpts. But my blood test has been falling
It does seem odd though. I would definitely speak to your gp. They will probably do a blood test. Hope it all gets figured pug soon though x

 

[millielaura]

Yeah i will ask when I go
Hoping I can be getting seen before Venice. That makes me feel tons better Erin! I think it must just be norm, I'm sure they are going down by bloods and I am just being a worrier lol! I'd have pain if I had anything small retained wouldn't I? And scan was clear xxx

 

[Eryinera]

I haven't had any experience with retained bits. But yea I imagine there would be pain. I'm sure the scan would have picked anything up and I think I remember one last saying her doc said the next af would sort it out if any tiny bit's left. I actually did about 4 tests from same sample a while back and all had different strength lines despite all being same brand brought at same time x

 

[millielaura]

Can't get in until the 19th!
Tests are a lot lighter now though so fingers crossed all is okay!i don't feel like I have anything retained..no pain or anything!
Have taken soy this cycle. Tomorrow is my last day of it. Then I should be oving in Venice .xxx

 

[Eryinera]

Oooo baby makin in Venice good luck hunny x x x

 

[lisey]

Perfect timing for a holiday baby xx

 

[millielaura]

I so hope so!i have a doctors appt booked the day after we get back to discuss metformin. Hopefully I can have my op in early Jan and then we can see what happens about the nk cells.
I want a bfp before new years day soo bad. I know it's not a wise idea till my op/discussed nk cells some more but it's so hard not too
Not really happy about hitting the 2 year mark. I feel it's transitioning us from those struggling a little to get a baby to the we are really struggling bit! This last year I've felt a bit like I hadn't been ttc long enough to feel as sorry for myself as I have done at points. But now at least I feel like I'm entitled to be upset. Silly I know as even the first month ttc is upsetting, the first m/c is just as upsetting as the fourth but now I feel I have a right to be sad. Which makes me feel better.
I remember watching a youtube video 8 months into trying. She'd been trying 2 years with cycle probs and losses. I remember her saying in response to people asking how they were that she was "okay. It hurts but we get on with our lives and just be" and how crazy it felt to even say amongst all the heartbreak that they were okay. I remember thinking oh my god if I ever get to two years ttc or have another loss I will never be okay ever again.
But I get what she means now. I feel I've got used to it and that we are "okay". The desperate want for a baby is still there but apart from in the few days following a loss, I've moved past the crying all day thinking how unfair it is whilst stuffing your face with any food you can find then feeling bad you've ruined the chances of a baby days lol!
Also somewhere along the road I've lost the overwhelming urge to be pregnant but not thinking about a baby as much, to just wanting a family. Maybe it's after the nk results but I've stopped thinking so much about the having a huge bump and rubbing it and feeling kicks daydream to thinking about us with a child, going on family day trips to the wildlife parks, parks etc. Maybe because I know that's the bit that can come true even if the full term pregnancy bit can't.
Xx

 

[Eryinera]

Aww hun I've not been through half of what you have but I totally get where your coming from. I feel similar. I'm sorry that I felt a twinge of jealously when you had your scan a while back I felt truly awful when you lost the baby. I cried for you. If anyone deserves their take home baby it's you. If I had one wish it would be that you get your forever baby and I mean that x. I first met you such a long time ago and it feels so unfair after what you have been through. You will get your walks in the park and the day trips out x

 

[millielaura]

Awwww Erin thats so so lovely of you!!
I really want you to get your rainbow too!

I have ewm tonight. I give up lol!! I'm taking soy so thought its meant to stop an early ov?? Xxx

 

[millielaura]

Ewcm i mean lol

 

[russellmuscle]

I have EWCM and Im not due to ov until cd14, last cycle it was cd12. But usually get EWCM for some a week, some a couple days. Then once you OV you dry up.

What cd are you? Im cd8 today.

xxx

 

[millielaura]

I'm cd 8 today so I think I'm a day behind you
Got all my usual horrid ovulation symptoms and ewcm but no positive opk yet. But going to go with ovulating day 12-14 . Will prob count as day 14 and then test on the 30th.
Xxx

 

[fairyprincess]

Hope you ov soon- will be exciting testing just before new year! x

 

[millielaura]

I think I ovd early on cd8 yesterday. Had tons of ewcm and ov cramps and today none of that so think I must of ovd early! Is pregnancy possible with a 22 day cycle xxx