Maternity

[JustTrying]

Hi Ladies,

I am leaving my current place of work in a few weeks and start a new job on mid July.

After doing some research I see that I wont be eligible for any maternity pay so is there any other help out there? Maternity grant or similar?

I am also looking to go back to work 2 months after delivery and believe me this is a decision I have made with a heavy heart which of course is not concrete. For those that have had babies before, do you recover within 2 months? I wish I didn't have to do this but I feel so awful for my new manager. I am joining a new team and I need the stability and the prospects to climb up further. After all, my stability is my child's stability so I really hope you don't think I am being selfish. I am only trying to juggle everything and be fair. I feel emotional typing this up so it's not easy because this is also my first pregnancy and I was on the list for IVF but conceived naturally.

Thank you

 

[Selina13]

You should get Maternity allowance, I had that in my last pregnancy as I didnt qualify either x

 

[tinselcat]

Hey justtrying,

Although the ladies in the USA have a really short maternity leave, I think it's worth considering extending to 3 months if you can possibly afford it.

My son had colic and that lasted until he was 13 weeks old. I don't know if you'll be breastfeeding but I was utterly exhausted for months and months.

Having worked at lots of companies in my life time, I'd personally prioritise my family/health over them as when push comes to shove, they don't give a damn about you (been made redundant numerous times). Deferring a month isn't going to set back your career for the rest of your life - but it's the only time you'll have with your tiny baby. I don't mean to preach, but I've put career ahead of family before and regretted it forever - and my extra 'dedication' didn't pay off, either. xx

 

[Browneyed Girl]

You might recover physically within 2 months but babies don't have a proper routine at that age. My lo is 8 weeks old and feeds through the night, he's also just had his injections which gave us a really unsettled 24 hours. I am exhausted most days and I have a lot of help. I think if it's your first baby it's even more of a shock to the system (this is my second), I would try and give myself the option to stay off longer if possible x

 

[Beauandhamish]

You should get maternity allowance, your midwife will be able to tell you how to apply for it. Two Months isn't long to have off at all, you may have recovered enough but also may not have done if there have been complications. After my first I was taken back to hospital when she was three weeks old and stayed for 5 weeks, I didn't feel properly better until she was around a year old, I know that's a rare scenario but think you should maybe wait until baby is here before you make any decisions about returning to work x

 

[kumber]

I echo the other ladies, 8 weeks is not long to recover from having a baby. If you have a c-section you will only be 2 weeks post full healing and possibly still stiff. If you get an infection in the wound, which happens often, you could still be suffering and in pain.

I went back to work when my first was 12 weeks old and I would never do it again. I was exhausted, I missed him horrendously as I was doing 12 hour shifts, and it caused a lot of damage with our bond. It left him with extreme separation anxiety too.

I don't mean to be dramatic or make you feel bad or guilty, but I firmly believe that a baby feeling secure and safe is more important than a career.

 

[Rose83]

You'll definitely get maternity allowance. Go the gov.uk website about maternity allowance and there is a calculator. But basically if you've worked 26 consecutive weeks in a job in the 66 weeks prior to the birth of your baby then you will get it. You'll need your matb1 form and to supply 4 months of payslips for the period you want used as your test period which is basically the few months they check how much you earned in to check you paid enough national insurance to be due maternity allowance.

As the other ladies have said you could be fine physically to return to work (depending on what your job is too) but mentally I'm not sure you will be. I think having your first child you'll suddenly realise that it's a very difficult thing to leave your baby - you worry about them every second of the day. I couldn't even bring myself to leave my daughter with her aunt until she was 6 months old and I cried when I did. It's a really difficult feeling to explain before you have children and I don't mean that in a patronising way, it just is something you can't imagine until it happens x

 

[JustTrying]

You should get Maternity allowance, I had that in my last pregnancy as I didnt qualify either x

how long did you take off work?

 

[JustTrying]

Hey justtrying,

Although the ladies in the USA have a really short maternity leave, I think it's worth considering extending to 3 months if you can possibly afford it.

My son had colic and that lasted until he was 13 weeks old. I don't know if you'll be breastfeeding but I was utterly exhausted for months and months.

Having worked at lots of companies in my life time, I'd personally prioritise my family/health over them as when push comes to shove, they don't give a damn about you (been made redundant numerous times). Deferring a month isn't going to set back your career for the rest of your life - but it's the only time you'll have with your tiny baby. I don't mean to preach, but I've put career ahead of family before and regretted it forever - and my extra 'dedication' didn't pay off, either. xx

If thats the case then 3 months is fine.

Im just trying to strike that in between balance

 

[JustTrying]

You might recover physically within 2 months but babies don't have a proper routine at that age. My lo is 8 weeks old and feeds through the night, he's also just had his injections which gave us a really unsettled 24 hours. I am exhausted most days and I have a lot of help. I think if it's your first baby it's even more of a shock to the system (this is my second), I would try and give myself the option to stay off longer if possible x

I have no help apart from o/h and both of our families live 90 miles away.

If my parents lived close by then this wouldn't have even been a problem.

And you are right, I can already see myself crying at work, constantly calling o/h and day care.

 

[JustTrying]

you ladies are right, Im not going to rush into decision making.

I will wait until my angel is born first

thank you xx

 

[Selina13]

You should get Maternity allowance, I had that in my last pregnancy as I didnt qualify either x

how long did you take off work?

I took a full year off. It was the best thing I did and this time I will do the same. I had nothing for myself, no treats, no new clothes, no luxury things like having my hair done and we shopped at Aldi but we did it. My little boy had all he needed and we attended activities (paid for) for him and I really enjoyed my time with him. He was 1 year and 1 week when I went back to work part time.

I would have got rid of my car etc if I had had to and we looked at it initially but luckily we didnt have to do that so that was a luxury I kept. X

 

[1sttimer]

HI Justtrying, I totally feel your worry with this one. I too conceived naturally the month my IVF was supposed to start, our first, and as an equal earner to my husband we can only afford for me to really take 6 months and even then I will likely need to go back full time. It's a horrible feeling making such a big decision isn't it. You wait so long for it and then have to factor in getting back to reality asap it just seems unfair. On the total flip side to what all the other lovely ladies have said, I know a girl by association who had a baby and went back to work full time 5 DAYS after she had her little boy!!!! I have NO idea how she even did it! My first instinct was to wonder why she bothered having him a little bit but then at the same time who are we to judge, we don't know why they make their decisions and if that's what works for her and her family then hats off to her for even managing it that soon after giving birth!! In short...I think you'll just know when the time is right, leave yourself a little bit open even if you still plan around 2 months. x