Lucky?

[fynemum]

yesterday morning I was told my baby had no heart beat,
I started to miscarry at 6:30 pm Didn't know what to expect.. I knew i would bleed and loss lumps and the baby, which i did, but i didn't know what i was meant to do about this? i am sorry if this upset anyone but i caught all the lumps i passed and lay them on a towel beside me; I kept bleeding and bleeding. 8pm i asked my mum to come over.
we called hospital and were told to go in. I was faint and still losing blood, the nurse helped me get my clothes off, at this point she realised how much i was losing. I felt very dizzy and sick. Hemoraging badly. Felt myself blacking out. Staff ran frantically about me. butting lines in and hooking up machines. Shouting for a SHO to come immediately. Ended up in theatre.
They said I had miss miscarried. I was extremely lucky to still be here.
I feel lucky as i felt myself slipping away, i kept thinking of my big boys i have already and not wanting to leave them. They managed to control the bleeding and close my cervex with injections. we can try again but have to wait a few months. My BP is still very low and i have iron tablets to take for the next 6 weeks. The unit is extremely busy and the staff wonderful. i was treated with great care and genuine sympathy. I was allowed to come home tonight, under instructions to take it easy. Phone them at any time.
I hope to be visiting the unit again but with a happy outcome next time.

Right now I have so many emotions. one minute very matter of fact, the next crying and unconsolable.
my boys ..god love them. were upset too. they were looking forward to a new addition. My youngest said he hopes we try again soon, as long as I'll be ok... Kids eh? thats why we want them... to give our love and to reap it back again. I love my boys more than anything in the world, I lived for them, I know I did. but i also love and miss my three angels

I am sorry to go on here. i am sorry i am on this section at all posting and i am sorry for being selfish as i know many of you have lost babies too...and now i am crying all over again.. rollercoaster....

 

[Emmylou]

You should never be sorry...this forum should be used to help you rant & cry & to provide friends to lean on.

You sound like you have a good string head on your shoulders, and I am so sorry to hear of your traumatic experience honey .......get all the rest you possibly can, let all three of the men in your life wait on you hand and foot............lots of love......be kind to yourself

 

[oldermum]

You wrote about moving over here so you wouldn't spook us, you wouldn't spook me not at all.

I was so sorry too hear of your little angel and after reading your above post i wanted to send you hugs.

Get all the rest and help you can.

Debs

 

[tracey 2]

hi hun

just got your PM then saw this message, its ok to feel like that and you will do for a while. Just take one step at a time and look after yourself. Come on here and rant and just let it out as much as you want we are all here for you. You are not selfish at all the forum is for everyone and you can post everyday if it makes you feel better.

Its great that the staff you saw were great and gave you good support it helps. Just rest and look after yourself.

Like iv said before you know where we all are if you need us you are not alone.

Sending all my love and thoughts to you and your family x

 

[kirlykird]

I've also replied on your other post but felt the need to reply here too as it was so personal...

I know that this is such a huge upsetting thing to go through and i think that you have made the right step in being open about it and just typing your feelings and experiences out to us.

I lost twins early last year and I kept it bottled in and in and nearly drove myself mad.

I was like you, knew it was happening and saw it all, felt the pain and felt compeletely empty. All I did when I was home was cry.

It broke me and my marriage apart. i was divorced last year, was diagnosed with severe depression and ended up seeing a counsellor.

Please don't make the same mistake as me.. talk to people around you, people like us.. we all want to help if we can and if that means being a caring ear that's what we'll do .

I eventually found the strength to speak about it.. here I am now recovered from depression, I have a fantastic new man, my children adore him and a new lo on the way.
I hope that time can help to heal the pain.. it never completely goes away but it does get easier.

You are in my thoughts and I am sending you big big hugs

 

[fynemum]

Thank you for the hugs, knowing that their is people who do know what it's like and the emotions does help, My marriage was blown apart too, caught him cheating, when i was early PG, lost the baby, lost the family i once had, lost my family home, but me and my boys got that back after a year and i too have that new man in my life, boys love him, i love him, but he is an old fashioned, lets not show emotions type guy.... does give cuddles etc... but all i want to do is sob in his arms... i can't.... he has already said he is not sure he want to put me through this again, can't stand the hurt, doesn't think i am strong enough for another dissappointment if it happened... i understand that... i do..... but i know i want to have our baby..... i just need to hold on to someone and really sob.. i have so many friends ,,, but it is different...they don't really know how i feel, they just feel for me, not for the loss.. does that make sense? am i talking rubbish?

Family are all showing concern but i don't know why i am shuting them all out, i talk more on this than i can to the people who are closest to me..... i just wish it was all different... i wish i was still posting wee jokes to make people smile instead of depressing people with my woes.

 

[loulou1980]

aww darling

 

[kirlykird]

You're not depressing anyone!

I think it's probably easier to talk on here because it's full of people who are in the same kind of situation and who can understand or empathise on how you must be feeling, plus although we're all friends on here, we're also strangers too..

It's a hard decision for you both to make at this point as to whether you will try again. What i think is if your OH is an old fashioned hide feelings kind of man then he is probably devestated too, (he's also lost his baby) and maybe he's scared of doing this again with the pain that he's feeling.

I think only time can tell how you are both going to feel.

Hugs for you all and the boys!

 

[tracey 2]

hi hun please dont worry bout coming on here we are all here to help.
Like kirlykird has said we are all strangers to you (and friends) and it is a lot easier to talk to strangers as they usually have a different view than anyone else and can see it from a netural view (sorry if its confusing).

As long as you are talking to someone either on here at home then that is good then not talking at all and keeping it all in.

It will get better take care, and have this from me.

x x

 

[Emmylou]

As long as you are talking to someone it really doesn;t matter whether its cyberspace or face to face hunny, you must work through the emotions - don't keep them bottled up - you can say anything you like on here - there are those of us who have been through the pain and heartache - your angel will watch over your sweety - if/ when you try again you have your little angel to watch over you