loss of male sex drive in pregnancy

[susannah]

Hello! I'm new to this chat room but am in need of some advice. i'm 32 weeks pregnant and increasingly worried about the nose dive that our sex life has taken. My partner is quite affectionate still but just isn't initiating sex. I have stopped initiating as it's so hurtful to be rejected everytime. Is this normal? on all the websites it talks about loss of female libido, not male. It is making me feel very depressed and unwanted, which in itself I fear is turning him away even more. I am trying to enjoy this pregnancy but it is making me worried that the relationship isn't going to last..we have stopped having sex altogether now for 5 weeks but before that it was intermittent at best and always inititated by me.

What's the best thing to do? shall i wait until the baby comes or try to resolve this now? Any attempt to tackle the issue results in him saying that he doesn't think there is a problem, which is making me feel like it's all in my head! i already have a ten year old daughter from a previous realationship but this particular problem never came up then.

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

Men sometimes get worried about having sex while their partners are pregnant! My partners not been put off sex but gets scared of squashing him!!
Maybe have a chat with your partner and see how he's feeling!

 

[susannah]

thanks. I've asked him previously if he's scared of hurting the baby and he's said no...it's one of those situations where you kind of wish that that WAS the reason! the alternative is that he's finding it difficult finding me attractive, which is obviously a bit of a bummer to my ego...
it's hard to discuss as it instantly turns it into a problem to be talked about, when all i want to do is stop talking and have a cuddle!

I must admit that this hasn't been the easiest of pregnancies in terms of me being knackered all the time - have been diagnosed late on with anaemia which had left me feeling moody and tired and not knowing why for most of my pregnancy - and sex would normally bridge the gap where words fail.

in most other ways he's a perfect partner, well as perfect as any one can be! just talking about it here has made me feel a lot better. i will try and talk to him but maybe i should wait until the baby is born before making any rash decisions about our relationship...
susannahx

 

[skimpy]

it gets to a point where it gets all built up into a big thing, wehn it really isnt. maybe he not wanting to put pressure on you?

Like you, we had not been intimate for about 6 weeks, until i basically offered. he told me he wasnt sure, but it was fine in the end. not done it again since mind, but the whole big thing it was made out to be is not there now.

hope you get on alright

 

[serenitylove]

when i had dd my ex didnt touch me for 9months i think some men whatever they say just dont feel comfortable with it especially the bigger we get

 

[cherelle]

im only 6 and a half weeks but both me and my OH have gone off sex. We have gone from having sex at least once a day to not at all - we havent done it since i found out i was pregnant over 2 weeks ago!

I asked him if he has been feeling neglected or worried about it and he said that he wasnt worried about it and he still fancies me just as much but we just have other priorities now. I think as long as you can talk to your OH about things and you still have that closeness then its not an issue. Have you read any pregnancy books? In most of my books it does have a section about male loss of sex drive so i wouldnt worry x

 

[isobel84]

My OH has gone of sex last couple of weeks aswell hun, last time was saturday and he nor me have tried since. He dont say any reason for it but i think as i get more and more uncomfy with pregnancy he dont want to push it and sometimes he have rejected me when i have tried aswell. Make sure you get alot of reasurance from cuddles- and the rest, just do it yourself

 

[mumofmany]

my husband doesn't like to have sex when i'm pregnant, he doesn't like to in the first 12 weeks becuase my history of miscarraiges, then he just dosn't find my body sexy when i get bigger, it took him being drunk though to get the truth out of him, he didn't want to hurt my feelings but he said it was not sexy that in the middle of sex the baby was kicking him, his hand his tummy etc. so I didn't push it. everything was fine afterwards, i know some men find their pregnant woman even sexier but some just dont. once he told me the truth though I felt so much better, not rejected and unloved anymore. he then reassured me that he loved me all the time which is what I needed and i had the kises and the cuddles.

 

[Sera-tonin]

i have not been intimate with my husband in 6 weeks. He is not interested in it at all. He says the BIG belly freaks him out a bit. We even asked the obstetrician if intercourse was ok and she said yes, just gently, but we still have not been intimate

 

[tinkerbell86]

My OH wouldn't admit that he felt wierd to start with as he didn't want to harm the baby and when i told him it wouldn't affect the baby in any way he changed how he was but i think they get freaked out esp if baby moves or wiggles during intimate moments....

 

[Lau's]

I think this is totally normal, my other half is the same. We must of had sex 4 times in the whole pregnancy. The last time, he was how do i say this......down below he suddenly stopped and said "i can't see your face"...due to the bump being in the way. That was it, it set me off well and truely i was crying with laughter...as you can imagine the moment was gone. We havent tried since but to be honest it doesnt hugely bother me as i know its to do with the baby and i am sure it will get back to normal afterwards.

Try not to worry, you not the only one hunny.

 

[Rayoflight]

My husband is exactly the same. It is hard because you do feel a bit rejected but he just got to a point where he found it too weird (after the baby kicked him during the deed!) we had a good chat about it and he was like "I've never ever loved you as much as I do now. I'm watching your body change and so proud of you for all you do in looking after your body to make sure our baby will be healthy. I still fancy you, I'm still attracted to you but I'm more in awe of you and how you're changing and sex just kind of doesn't feel right." since we had the chat we've been closer than ever and I love catching him staring at me, smiling.

Don't worry about it too much, lots of men are the same. Xxx