Looooong one, sorry...

[MrsS143]

Maybe hes just struggling with routine chopping and changing so much
Could D not just take C for days/evenings then back to you for bedtime routine?

 

[hellywelly]

I'm wondering if the door shut thing is because he knows that if it's shut at dad's then he's trapped in if dad oversleeps?

 

[LaceyKeo]

D works all day Monday. He then works from usually noon on Tues and Wed, so isn't up till like 11. He's off Thurs, so get up at like, 1pm. Fri and Sat he works from 4/5pm until roughly 3am, and so isn't up until 1/2pm on Sat/Sun.

So, essentially, if he were to only have C day times, he'd see him maybe four hours on a Thurs, and the same on Sun, because he obviously can't have him any other days because sleep.

I dunno but I think by having him Monday nights he feels more like he's "fulfilling fatherly duties" or whatever.
So Monday he picks him up about 6:30. Has him in bed by about 7:30 (which is still later than normal).
Then yesterday when I got him from nursery, he had been dropped in about 9am, so, he's literally got him up, got him dressed, and dropped him off.

I was, sadly, thinking the same thing, hellywelly

This morning's been a fun one, too. He finally woke up just after 7, crying. I gave him a couple minutes to see if he'd come through, but nope. Crying got worse, so I started calling him.
Took about 10-15 mins to get him to come through, then he's been grumbly/crying on and off for the last hour.
I think he's just about over it now.

Poor kid's gettin messed up somewhere, I'm sure xx

 

[littlemonkey]

I'm wondering if the door shut thing is because he knows that if it's shut at dad's then he's trapped in if dad oversleeps?

I dunno, I think it could just be the disruption of being away from mum while he's at dad's. Then when he's back with you at home, he's upset because he's worried you won't be there when he wakes up.

As you know I'm currently in hospital and our son has been fab. He's used to being on his own with dad because of how my shifts were when I was working, and used to going to bed with out me there. LO and OH came to visit yesterday evening just before his bed and he got a bit upset leaving. According to OH LO has been a nightmare all night and we're both thinking he's clocked onto my not being there.

 

[mylullaby]

Honestly, I know he has a job where the shift patterns aren't ideal, but lots of people make sacrifices for their children - including missing out on sleep - I don't understand why he can't get up earlier after a shift and catch up on the sleep when he doesn't have his son?!?! He still sounds like a useless, selfish prick. Not surprised he's your ex. You know your boy better than anyone else hun and if you're worried, you just keep voicing your concerns as much as you need to - nag, nag, naggggg - doesn't matter how annoying it is for your ex, as long as he gets the message that you aren't going to let this go.

P.S. I would stop the overnight contact now until you can be sure he's being looked after. He won't take you to court because he wouldn't be able to agree to suggested contact - every other weekend plus one night per week I think is the norm (certainly when they're school age, not sure about your son's age) and he just wouldn't agree to that due to his need for sleep.

 

[babyscotcher]

Have been following along but haven't commented yet. I can see the worry and appreciate where you are coming with from the past experience you have with OH neglecting you son in favour of sleep.

However coming from the other side of things I know that when I used to go to my dad's every weekend and then every other weekend my mum has always said that there was a transition stage when I came back before I would be back to my normal self. It was just due to the change in routine and being allowed to do different things at my dad's to when I was at home. Perhaps your son is just getting to an age where he is now starting to remember and notice things where as perhaps a few months ago he was living more in the moment as youngsters tend to do. By the sounds of things now you are not working the routine of how often he goes to his dad's has changed a lot more too which could have an effect.

Could not be the case at all but if your ds has some language issues and creates when there is a change in routine there is always the possibility this could be an indication of his being on the mild end of the autistic spectrum. Around 2 years old is when we noticed that things were different with my brother and that it wasn't just shyness. It is such a varied spectrum but may be worth you ahving a read into it and seeing if you think it could be the case as the earlier it is discovered the easier it is to start putting things in place to make life easier for everyone.

Hope you get things sorted. X

 

[LaceyKeo]

I do still think it could just be the shake-up of going to Ds, which is why I'm still so hesitant to really do any more about it other than reiterating food times and bed time every. single. time.
I really don't know how long their memory lasts at this age, or, awareness of memory, or... I dunno.
Evidently plenty long enough to know daddy's is different to mummy's.

I find it interesting, babyscotcher, that you bring up the autism spectrum. I posted a few months back wondering about this. Things about his behaviour just seemed... A touch odd... I'm still not sure I would say with 100% certainty that he does not have Autism of some degree. However. IF he does, it's only mild. He interacts with adults and children, he's happy playing in a group or on his own.
The main thing that gets me is he'll sometimes just stand on the spot and gently rock from side to side, for like, a good couple minutes at a time.
He'll flap his hand by his face for no obvious reason.
His speech is delayed.
He wouldn't tolerate hugs of any kind for aaaages. Only the last couple months really he's actively giving hugs (still only when asked, never of his own accord).

There were other things as well, but those were the traits that pushed me to look more into it.

When I asked the HV about it though she just kinda poo-poo'd it off and said no one would realistically look into it before he was three anyway.




Last night was funny.
I woke up at some point in the night to find I'd gained a guy in bed with me.
Goodness knows how, cause usually a cough or a big sleep-snort is enough to wake me up, but, somehow, my cheeky lil chappy had got up, padded into my room, got up into bed, and got himself comfy.
Goodness knows how long he's been there but he was sound when I woke at 3:30 this morning.
I know I should have got up and put him back in his own bed, but the thought of waking him scared me, so I just left him to it.
Finally woke me at about 7:15

Gonna have to see what happens tonight I guess, cause I can't really have him deciding he'll only sleep in mummy's bed... Especially not when OH and new baby are both due to be here in less than two months. Xx

 

[babyscotcher]

My brother is the same and very mild. You would only notice if someone pointed it out but I am 8 years older than him so have had a big part in how things have been for him. Otherwise at 17 you would just think he was a bit of a quiet computer geek as he is overly logical. He was a very easy child as very happy to entertain himself and never really did things he was told not to as long as there was a logical reason why he shouldn't e.g. getting hurt.

The hand flapping and freezing is pretty stereotypical symptoms tho. As is walking and running on tip toes which my brother still does when he thinks we are not looking. Means tho that they are more affected by change in routine than another child might be as they are less able to adapt. Especially when it happens quickly.

Being on the mild end of the autistic spectrum is not something to worry about but to be aware of as knowing about it can make identifying and dealing with it so much easier.

Hopefully it will all sort itself out and it is just a little blip but if you ever want a chat about it you know where I am. X