Long post sorry.........fear it may be the end!

[lulu]

Hi guys,

I'm not really sure what to write and what advice I'm looking for, maybe its a need, just to talk, to someone.

For weeks now my partner and I have not been getting on at all, rowing about everything, big things and stupid things, that escalate out of control.
It has got to the point where I am thinking of moving out.
He is not aware of this and even if I did say anything, he would probably not take me seriously anyway, saying I was using threats against him.

For a long time I have felt unhappy and felt like he was being unfair, its a long story really but things like, its always me that gets up to see to Jack in the night because he says once he is awake he cant get back to sleep. I always bath jack, occasionally he will, but only if I'm going out or something. We live in a house that's quite expensive due to his ex wife and his income, we are now on a much reduced income, living here and always struggling financially but he wont move or see my view that a fresh start would be good, being happy is more important than money etc etc. I feel like my feelings don't count. There are also the silly little things like sometimes he is here all day with jack when I'm at work, I come home and the dishes are not done, when I ask him about it he says 'well they are not my dishes' so as well as being at work all day, I have to do dishes, washing, bath Jack etc etc-when he has been at work he expects tea cooked, to have a bath and relax straight away!!! (he does cook for me when I have been at work)

Just recently he blames me for everything, I don't feel like he is being very supportive of my feelings - I came off anti depressants when I found out I was pregnant and have really struggled, my new job is horrible, and i'm just very unhappy. I have been no angel either, and have been very stressed and angry due to being so down, but I just want him to understand.

I have also been thinking about my ex husband a lot as I always regret giving upon the marriage (this was a long time ago now) but I have recently thought about trying to contact him - surely this is not right.

I feel trapped as we are expecting our second baby, I feel like we should separate for a bit but not sure if I'm strong enough, I want to look at him with love but he just annoys me, we just don't respect each other any more and I just don't know what to do!!!

 

[Sammystar]

Didn't want to read and run, sounds like you need a hug.

It does sound like things might be coming to an end. At the very least, you need to take a step back and take stock. There's just no point continuing in a relationship just because of the kids. If you're both unhappy (and it sounds like you are) then you need to try to either sort it out, or accept it's over and make the break.

Is there anywhere you can go for a few weeks after Christmas, to give yourself and your OH a break? perhaps parents or a friend?

I think the best thing to do is to try to keep things amicable. You need to take a step back, but try to avoid saying things you may regret later.

It's hard work, I know how you feel. I've got a similar thing going on myself right now.

Good luck.......

 

[lulu]

Thanks for your reply. See the thought of it ending makes me feel very upset.

The problem is my family are not close by, I wouldn't go to my mum anyway, and all my closest friends are 300 miles away, even though a friend has said I could stay there I would not feel comfortable there

We don't talk to each other and, when we try, we just end up arguing anyway!

 

[Huddsgirl]

i no how you are feeling, me and OH have simular arguments.
i think the main thing (assuming u wanted to stay with him) is gain that respect back. i think you two took time out to talk , maybe go for a meal or write each other a letter to both get your feelings down. I actually bought a book 'big bookof us' and it actually addresses parts of your life like love and finance. you have to both sit down together and talk about everything. but i suppose is easier said than done and only you know wether or not you want to be with him.
hope you sort things out
take care of number 1 and 2 (you and your little one)

 

[kimmumof2]

i think things are getting to a point in your relationship where you both need to sit down and discuss whats happening and what you feel. it does sound like its coming to an end but it doesnt have to, you could try working things thru, see how thing go. you do definately need to discuss how your feeling with your OH tho or things will never be able to get better. if you find it hard to talk try a letter explaining how your feeling. i hope you find a way to make you feel happier hun.

xxxxx

 

[mamichuli]

Aww hunny, I am so sorry to hear how unhappy you are. It is impo ssible for any of us to value your relationship, only you can do that, but you need to talk to OH and both decide if you want it enough to go on...
If you are thinking about your ex, it doesnt necessarily mean you want to go back, just that you are unhappy, and dont feel loved, maybe you are looking for affection, and feel that your OH isnt giving it to you?



Lisa

 

[lulu]

I went to the doctors today and he has signed me off work for 4 weeks, said he would still prefer to keep me off the medication for the babies sake but hopefully taking some of the stress away may help.

Things are very tense between my partner and I ,not really seen him due to him working, but last night, not much was said and it was very quiet- I feel very lonely.

Told him the doctor had signed me off and he said 'why' and 'what does that involve financially'!!!

 

[Sammystar]

I went to the doctors today and he has signed me off work for 4 weeks, said he would still prefer to keep me off the medication for the babies sake but hopefully taking some of the stress away may help.

Things are very tense between my partner and I ,not really seen him due to him working, but last night, not much was said and it was very quiet- I feel very lonely.

Told him the doctor had signed me off and he said 'why' and 'what does that involve financially'!!!

MEN! I think time out is really in order here hun........

But I realise that's easier said than done........

Take it easy, Ok?

 

[Craig]

personally i think yous need a break, its always good to step back, clear the tension and take time to think it over and stuff - then sit down and talk, dont want to regret ending it after all.

you shouldnt feel like you're stuck tho, and the longer that feeling goes on the worse itll get. as for the ex husband thing, understand that feeling, when my latest relationship failed, first thing i did was go to one of my ex's thats always been there for me - guessing your ex husband made you feel the same? jus try not to get confused about the feelings tho!

hope you get things sorted hun, and jus remember you're never really alone - theres always someone!

 

[lauramumof2]

I think you need to have it out in the open and tell him what you have told us. You both sound very angry and I think if you spoke to him frankly and honestly you might be surprised..

 

[lulu]

I think one of the problems is I cant talk to him, I feel scared, like when your a child and you want to ask or tell your parents something and you just cant pluck up the courage or it scares you so much you feel sick.

I sometimes think its easier to stay quiet - I guess its not!!!

I'm also scared it will end up with us shouting, I'm quite stressed myself at mo and don't take criticism very well - hate it

 

[lauramumof2]

I think one of the problems is I cant talk to him, I feel scared, like when your a child and you want to ask or tell your parents something and you just cant pluck up the courage or it scares you so much you feel sick.

I sometimes think its easier to stay quiet - I guess its not!!!

I'm also scared it will end up with us shouting, I'm quite stressed myself at mo and don't take criticism very well - hate it

could you write him a letter? I know what you mean about critisism, I dont take it well either.

 

[lulu]

I have written him a letter before and all he said was 'I've heard all this before, its nothing I don't know already' so I'm not sure it would do any good.

 

[Redshoes]

Do you have a good friend you can telephone lulu? Ring them and get it all of your chest, you sound like you need a good chat with someone close
Biggest problem in life is that you cannot change others, only yourself, and sometimes we fall in love with selfish idiots that cannot see outside their world for 5mins to see that they are hurting a loved one terribly I don't know you or your OH but you seem to care a great deal about you all as a family, and your OH doesn't appear to be listening, I would say do whatever helps you and Jack have a fantastic Christmas, whether that be staying their or going to friends/family, I know most people want to be at home for Christmas so can only send warmest wishes that home's not entirely happy at the moment for you

If anything, I would maybe bring up the short-term seperation idea with him, suggest him leaving the house would make more sense as you need to think about Jack and he'll feel best at home, but obviously I don't know if thats even possible. You sound hurt and frustrated to me, I would just like to say I really, really hope if nothing else he listens to you and starts to appreciate how hes upsetting you, and makes some changes, very, very best wishes lulu really hope things start to look up for you real soon there's always here for lots of support

 

[trixipaws]

oh no, im sorry to read that

i dont kno what to advise u really, im still in my first serious relationship so i dont think im very experienced- but in my inexperienced opinion it sounds like u guys REALLY need to talk- or its over

good luck with whatever happens