Lonely

Discussion in 'Second Trimester' started by MrsHop, Jun 9, 2013.

  1. MrsHop

    MrsHop Well-Known Member

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    Bit of background; my husband is an Internet gamer, he's played the same game since before we met and it takes up a lot of his time. He uses a headset and talks to the guys he plays with and his computer is in the study, TV is in the living room. So a lot of the time when we're home, we're in separate rooms.

    When we first fell pregnant, he was super excited and couldn't wait to tell everyone. He's been to mothercare with me and looked at prams and cots etc. He seemed to be on board with me and generally on the same page.

    The past few weeks he seems to have gone into a shell, he's really distant from me and doesn't seem to want to talk about the baby. He was supposed to take me to a baby fayre today but instead had a few drinks. When we woke up I asked him what the plan was and he had a go saying he didn't want to do anything cause he was hungover, he got up and went downstairs , I stayed in bed. That was two hours ago, I think he might have forgotten I'm even here.

    This seems to be a daily occurrence where he's on his computer and I'm alone. Don't get me wrong nothing has changed in the sense that he's always played his game for hours on end, but now I'm pregnant and need a bit of support it's really getting to me. I just feel really lonely and I told him this and he laughed saying he's only in the other room. He doesn't seem to understand he's there chatting with his online mates 24/7 and I have no one to talk to.

    Sorry for the long post ladies, I think I just need a rant!
     
  2. cosmicgirl

    cosmicgirl Well-Known Member

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    I couldn't have someone who has such a relationship with a computer I'm afraid. I'm not willing to share my man with a piece of metal so I really don't understand that side of things.
    What would worry me even more is that when baby comes, his attention should be given to his child and the computer really does need to take a major backseat. I'd hate to think of a child coming second best to Internet gaming
    :( x
     
  3. Dotty_woman

    Dotty_woman Well-Known Member

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    Oh hun, sorry you're feeling alone! Everything is about give and take. I understand that he might have always done this but there's someone else to consider now. At the risk of sounding like an angry mum, it sounds like a bit of game rationing is required. You'll need all the help you can get once your baby arrives and he isn't 14 anymore!! Hope you still get time to do things together and that this gaming isn't taking over your lives. Something needs to start changing now. I'm not saying stop as everyone needs something to relax doing but it sounds like this has got a bit out of hand. Have you got any friends close by you could meet up xxx
     
    #3 Dotty_woman, Jun 9, 2013
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2013
  4. MrsHop

    MrsHop Well-Known Member

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    Tbh Cos I'm genuinely worried about it. I always told him that when we had a baby he'd have to give it up but lately he's laughed the subject off. We've had huge arguments about it in the past where I've said enough is enough and he's been brilliant for a while then slipped back into old habits. I think he has an addiction but again he laughs, when it's bad it's really bad and I can't get a word out of him.

    I can't fault him in other aspects, he is fantastic and we have an excellent relationship when his game isn't involved.
     
  5. MrsHop

    MrsHop Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Dotty, I've told him that I feel like I'm giving up parts of my life for the baby so why shouldn't he, he just says I'm being silly and it's not the same thing. He says he'll be different when the baby's here, but I think in a sense the baby is already here! We do things together but it's only when I put my foot down or when I have a strop. It's just really annoying that he doesn't seem to understand where I'm coming from. Yeah I've got my friends but they don't really understand, they see it as a running joke that the game is his real wife and I'm his mistress xx
     
  6. Lulubelle

    Lulubelle Well-Known Member

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    You need to sit down and talk to him about this - it is sometimes difficult for a man when their partner is pregnant to feel involved. My hubby doesn;t seem to feel any connection to the baby and whilst he will make me cups of tea and look after our son while I have kips, he doesn;t really engage with the idea of a new baby at the moment. However, once baby was born, he changed because it was there and he could do something!

    Tell him how you feel and then come up with practical suggestions like maybe eating dinner together each eveningr ound a table so you can chat with him. I have to say though, I'd be really pissed if we had plans and they were cancelled due to heavy drining the night before! Is there a vital piece of computer equpiment you can hold to randsom?
     
  7. MrsHop

    MrsHop Well-Known Member

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    Funnily enough I have been known to take the Internet cables to work with me to get him moving!

    I'm really hoping that, as you said with your OH, he'll jump into action when he can do something. He has been understanding-ish when I'm tired etc but that was after talking to off the midwife! He's just said come onllet's go to mama's and papa's cause he can tell I am miffed about the hangover. Plus he made me tea and toast! I sometimes think I'm being too hard on him.
     
  8. Lulubelle

    Lulubelle Well-Known Member

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    I don't think you are being too hard on him, but I think, to put it in perspective, it is not abnormal behaviour for a man at this point. At least he is trying again!
     
  9. LeaAnn

    LeaAnn Well-Known Member

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    I don't think you were too hard on him either, clearly he needed a bit of a reality check and it worked! Now drag him round the baby shops and spend, spend, spend x
     
  10. MrsHop

    MrsHop Well-Known Member

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    Thanks ladies, maybe I'm not being as crazy hormonal as I think?! Lol
     
  11. Killeen2013

    Killeen2013 Well-Known Member

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    My friend's husband is a big big gamer. Plays xbox live Fir hours on end with his headset chatting to the voter players. They have three kids and he's a great dad. He died his daddy duties and just started playing later at night.

    Hopefully your OH will find a good balance too. Meantime, I'd make your feelings known, and that you don't expect him to stop playing just that he needs to be a little more attentive.
    Good luck!

    Sent from my HTC One S using Tapatalk 2
     
  12. Geekachublog

    Geekachublog Well-Known Member

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    Although my husband isn't a gamer, he's a complete geek and used to spend hours and hours on his computer looking at various different crap (I've no idea how, I get bored after ten minutes), but since I've been pregnant he will spend an hour or so watching TV with me, then will go on his computer for a bit, but it seems to have calmed down a lot lately.
    He knows that baby is the most important thing (because I make no bones about telling him), so he always puts us first and then his computer second. :)
    You just need to strike a good balance.
     
  13. JJ Mum

    JJ Mum Well-Known Member

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    Mrs hop snap totally!!!

    My husband plays at table in lounge in the blooming headset, only thing he talks so loud its annoying!!! Esp at 3 am!!

    Its always an issue but you do end up finding a wayof things working for both of you.
    My husbands version of childcare is to put the tely on for my son..

    He works nights, then he wakes up at 3/4pm and goes straight on pc while im trying juggle tea!!

    Its inportant to find a happy medium as its hobby, but unfortunately will need strong ground rules and reminding

    Chat to me anytime hun, each time weve had a baby, ive had a hormobe fueled outburst about 30 something weeks preg and then for the first 6-8 weeks of baby he calms it down.

    It still drives me mad, hes asleep on couch now infact while i get kids up( no he didnt work last night but he gamed till late!!)

    He does now ask on certain days if he can go online!!
    I breastfed my last but if you bottle feed it can really help for a bit, i used to go to bed after 10 pm feed and oh would have baby downstairs with him asleep while tiny anyway and feed at 2am!! Then bring baby up so i got loads of sleep

    Sit down and agrree rules where you both win now and stick to them or its a slippery slope, if i could throw away tely and internet other than phones i would!!
     
  14. Gemsy

    Gemsy Well-Known Member

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    Ladies, I can only massively sympathise, luckily my OH is not into technology AT ALL. Thank god!! I do not think any of you are over reacting at all! I think this gaming is ridiculous, my brother is really in to it, and he doesn't spend enough time in the real world IMO.
     
  15. cosmicgirl

    cosmicgirl Well-Known Member

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    Totally agree, life is for living. It's too short and precious.
    I really don't understand it and tbh I couldn't and wouldn't live with someone like that.
    I'd feel "why would you rather be on that than spend time with me?" Rightly or wrongly.
    I hope you can sort it out xx
     
  16. BevG

    BevG Well-Known Member

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    its totally reasonable for you to expect him to put you first, i used to spend hours (once i did an almost 24 hour stint) online gaming on warcraft, its a really fun and totally absorbing game and can literally take over your life lol, i even got my oh into it but we have both grown bored of it after 3 years of playing lol. if he bucks his ideas up when you make it known your upset then just keep doign that hun
     
  17. Pregnot

    Pregnot Well-Known Member

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    My partner is not only an internet gamer he is also self employed you tube person who makes a living from world of warcraft!

    i can understand where you are coming from at times he is that absorbed in game play or making his videos or live streaming i feel abit put out but then i have my own hobby - the horse

    have you thought about maybe getting something you like to do and when hes having his time on the pc just getting on with your own thing?

    Mine is quite good he knows when enough is enough and makes a conscious effort to spend time with me but if yours doesnt know when enough is enough then maybe you need to tell him flat out!
     
  18. MrsHop

    MrsHop Well-Known Member

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    The headset part kills me! He gets so loud. I just don't think he understands that while he's on there chatting away, I'm on my own not talking to anyone. It just makes me feel so lonely!

    I've tried telling him when he can go on and when it's time to come off but he doesn't listen. I genuinely don't know how to get him to see how it effects our relationship!
     
  19. MrsHop

    MrsHop Well-Known Member

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    I can't imagine how anyone could make a living from gaming, that's crazy!

    My thing for the past four years of us living together has been cleaning or ironing! Either that or going out withthe girls. I always find things to do, but it would be nice to spend some time with my husband without fighting for it. He doesn't know when enough is enough, or doesn't care!
     
  20. JJ Mum

    JJ Mum Well-Known Member

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    When you have baby it will bring this more to a head or more notticible for him as you will only have one chunk of spare time at any one time ( between you) , as one will have to have the baby, one can do something. Its always a bit like a tag team then, even just for cleaning etc, if my oh has too much time on pc , i find i cant even do the boring things like cleaning , cooking etc so suddenly your oh will be in a messy house or hungry and have to make some serious choices!

    It will all work out hun, mines a pain still but he has to have his hobbies, my oh will just get told when he cant, doesnt always go down well but tuff!! I have more issues with mibe being a night worker so when hes not on the pc hes asleep on sofa in the way!! Cause he cant be bothered to go up to bed!! Ha i just let devon climb all over him , and invite people for coffee ( ones we both know well!) around his body!! whoops ha ha
     

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