LO getting "strange" with people

[littlemiss83]

For the last 2 weeks LO has been screaming blue murder whenever anyone picks him up thats not me & OH. Today my dad picked him up & he immediately started screaming (that type of scream where it sounds like they stop breathing & face turns purple) My dad said hes ruined....ie, spoiled. I've also heard someone else say....you'll ruin that baby holding them all the time.

is this my fault?...I do hold him alot

Has this happened to anyone else & what did you do?

 

[Laineeb]

Hi, this is what I'm kind of going through at the moment. How old is your LO? Mine is almost 4 months and for the past few weeks has started crying when someone else picks her up. I've had the same reaction from the inlaws that she's strange and I've got her ruined!! I've been told that you can't spoil a baby you're just making her feel secure and confident when she is close to you. My LO is just really aware of her surroundings now and doesn't like too many people she doesn't see every day, holding her. I think it's totally normal. I think again at around 7 or 8 months they start to experience separation anxiety when around strangers. My inlaws have more or less blamed the fact that I breastfeed on her not wanting to go to others and that if I gave her a bottle she would be ok!?!

 

[Princess81]

My MIL told me I was ruining our 6 week old by holding him often to help with him colic! Even though he doesn't make strange with other people. It's probably just a phase because they are starting to get more aware x

 

[inky]

How on earth can you 'ruin' a baby? That's a horrible thing to say! Your LO is at an age where he's getting to know who his parents are and he can tell when someone else is holding him. It's perfectly natural and won't last forever. Honestly, telling someone they've 'ruined' their baby just sounds cruel!

 

[clairebear22]

Jack's a proper Mummy's boy (we're together on our own for at least 10hrs a day Monday-Friday) and will shove his Daddy's face out of the way to get to me!

He's just started quivering his bottom lip if other people cuddle him even when he knows the people. But he's fine if i'm not in the room or if he can't hear my voice. It's just a phase, alot of babies do it! Wait until he starts screaming whenever you leave the room, thats a great phase! Not! x

 

[Maria1977]

It's just a phase, Oz went through this. He's alot better now, but he still gets upset if people get right in his face and talk high pitched... WTF is that about?? Me and OH get really annoyed with that.

I used to get comments like 'Oh, he's such a mummy's boy' in a right sarcy voice. Used to piss me right off, idiot morons.

When he gets upset though just give him reassurance hun, f**k what anyone else thinks, he's your baby and it's a little phase he's going through. don't try to force him through it coz it might make him more anxious xxxx

 

[Sarah13]

Kynons not started that yet but I kind of expect it next time we go home as we don't have family up here. He was funny last night tho, even pulling his lip at his big sister and only wanting me and she holds him loads! Im sure its just a phase they all go through cuddled lots or not, cant possibley see how cuddles are anything but a positive thing. I think the older generation have a bit of a different outlook to us with baby things in general as things were so different then. Strange how the Scots call spoiling ruined, another one of those words I didn't 'get' for ages!

 

[Belfast girl]

its just a phase, emma has just gone through that/going through it. i try and expose her to lots of people and other babies so she is well socialised as she is going to have to go to nursery at some stage! she took about a month to get over it and now is ok with most people apart from those that shove there face right close to hers, which serves them right if she bawls in there face.

and don't get me started on people who touch her when she is out in the baby carrier!!

 

[suzzi]

i must admit we dont pick lo up all the time as we dont want him to be clingy, although we always have a cuddle in the afternoons when hes been fed and we stay snuggled up all afternoon x but it does help as he sleeps well and dosent mind being on his own, and hes content when he wakes up in his cot, hes 8 weeks old now x

 

[Jayceesmumma]

God my sister went thru murder with my niece she wouldn't even go to her dad!! Just me and my sister! Anyone looked at her and she would scream blue murder!! It was so hard for her!! She screamed with me at first but I was very persistent as she was my first niece and she eventually was fine with me! It helped I sound exactly like my sister! I'd say keep trying, don't give up.. If he cries on someone they usually panic and then he senses that and gets scared.. Tell them to calm down and relax.. Maybe make them sit down somewhere peaceful and sit with them and calm him down while in someone's arms.. Try one family member at a time.. Your not spoiling him at all.. Agreed, babies shouldn't really be held all the time.. My opinion.. And it's probably just a faze he's going thru and will be better when he's older and more aware of his surroundings and his family thematic go further than mum and dad.. Create a calm atmosphere and you'll get a calm baby.. May take a while but you'll get there! Took a few months for my mum to be able to hold my niece lol!! Once she broke the cycle with one person she got used to everyone else.. It helps so hold them near that person and let them 'check them out' first for a while before being handed over..

 

[littlemiss83]

We're maybe slightly different to alot of ppl as we dont get alot of visitors, hardly any infact, unless its OH's friends or ppl he's working with, in which case they dont really bother with LO. Both our families live far away & OH does hardly any feeds so its always me. So its hard to break the habit, when he does see others its my parents in which case they pick him up & take him away, they've not had him since he started this, but we are planning to use them for babysitters when we move house in 2 weeks, we dont have any option, he'll need to be with them all day. I said to HV today, is it ok just to leave him with said person while he's screaming & she said you just need to stick at it. First LO was like this but not til later, around 6 months, which was when she started nursery so she wasn't like it for long coz the nursery helped get her used to it, was murder first 2 weeks but never any probs after. Kayden wont be in nursery til around 9 m/o.

I'm dreading the stage when u cant leave the room. I remember it all too well, if kayden is in his seat, facing away from me & I walk into room, he'll be quiet but as soon as he hears that i'm about he starts whingeing to get picked up. I'm not sure about the spoiled thing, but OH starts nagging me if i leave him to cry & he ends up annoying me more than baby.

 

[Princess81]

How on earth can you 'ruin' a baby? That's a horrible thing to say! Your LO is at an age where he's getting to know who his parents are and he can tell when someone else is holding him. It's perfectly natural and won't last forever. Honestly, telling someone they've 'ruined' their baby just sounds cruel!

It does sound awful doesn't it? It's a scots/Irish thing for spoilt

 

[Mrs.s]

I had the same reaction from everyone about holding my LO all the time even before she went through the stage of not wanting anyone else but me 4-5months! I don't care what other people think though I raise my LO my way and if they don't like it tough

I think they all go through that stage especially if you are generally on your own with them mon-fri !

No such thing as a baby being spoiled in my eyes! Toddlers yes but not little babies!

 

[Maria1977]

No such thing as a baby being spoiled in my eyes! Toddlers yes but not little babies!

I agree with this 100%. We have cuddled our baby non-stop since birth. When he was born he wasn't put down for about 3 months lol I don't believe you can emotionally spoil a child.

He is now 1 years old and a really happy, confident little boy. He gets a bit fussy smoetimes, like all kids meeting new people or going new places, but for the most part he is not shy and is happy to go up to people and get to know them

 

[littlemiss83]

Well, now my OH is at it, he said today that....I must be holding him too much, coz he was crying for ages when in his seat. He's always got to find a reason for the crying, it bugs me. I'll cuddle my baby as much as I want thank you. They grow up far too quick to not enjoy the cuddles. Baby's just cry sometimes, OH's getting more annoying than the crying

 

[Princess81]

Thats male logic for you, always got to be an absolute solution, which doesn't apply to babies lol

 

[Jayceesmumma]

What do u mean by they pick him up and take him away? Don't know if I read that right but if that's the case he's probably just a bit scared that one min mummy was there, the next these strangers take him away from mummy.. Maybe if they make themselves known to him when they arrive without picking him up and taking him from you.. Let him get used to them at a distance before they take him away from you.. All babies are different babe and what worked with your first (nursery etc) may not work with your second.. Jaycee and Ellie are 100% chalk and cheese from birth!!
I hope he settles for u soon honey try not to get so worked up

 

[littlemiss83]

What do u mean by they pick him up and take him away? Don't know if I read that right but if that's the case he's probably just a bit scared that one min mummy was there, the next these strangers take him away from mummy.. Maybe if they make themselves known to him when they arrive without picking him up and taking him from you.. Let him get used to them at a distance before they take him away from you.. All babies are different babe and what worked with your first (nursery etc) may not work with your second.. Jaycee and Ellie are 100% chalk and cheese from birth!!
I hope he settles for u soon honey try not to get so worked up

Yeah you did read it right didn't mean it how it sounds tho. My parents live quite far away from me, so dont see them apart from on a sunday, when they come & get my eldest LO & to go over to their house to play with my wee brother for a few hours, she's done that all her life, & twice they've taken kayden too, just to give me a break. He was totally fine those times, so last sun they just came to get eldest LO & my dad picked kayden up for a cuddle & thats when he done that. If it continues i'm gonna need to stop the visits or think of another way round it. They defo need to watch him when we move house, no one else can do it.

 

[Jayceesmumma]

I hope you can find a way to make it work.. Maybe ease him into time with them? Let him get used to seeing them or even go with him for the first couple of times so if mummy is there its a 'safe place' you know what I mean?

 

[scaredmum2be]

I think they all go through a phase where the scream at anyone poss seperation anxiety like the fear your going to go somewhere when being hold by another adult and not yourself. I dont think you spoil your baby. Baby just wants you close x