Livid/Scared/Heartbroken

[Bee7]

I'm sorry to bore you all again with the details of my Jeremy Kyle esq relationship, but i literally have nowhere else to turn and i'm so, so upset.

Following on from my previous post about my OH's gambling and lies, i had it out with him and told him he had to leave. He didn't argue. He knows he's done wrong and said he'd move out by the end of the month. I can't help but feel like he wasn't taking me seriously to begin with, i think he thought that he might have to endure the cold shoulder for a few days but then i'd get over it.

Tonight it must have sunk in cos i came home with Jack after a day out and he'd smashed his laptop and phone up. I was like 'why have you done this' and he basically said cos he's so angry with himself and just doesn't care about anything anymore. I didn't care about the stuff - it was his belongings not mine. But obviously it's not normal behaviour.

To make matters worse, his cow of a mother has been txting me basically sticking up for him and saying how 'its his choice whether or not he wants to leave, not just mine'. She also went on to say she thinks i have other reasons for wanting to split up - basically insinuating that i have something to hide like it's my fault. No love, that's your precious son. I don't know why she'd say this - it's like shes trying to put ideas in his head and make more trouble. The sad thing is, as much as she defends him she wont let him move back in with her and her new fella cos theres no room for him!

I've spoken to my mum and stepdad about the gambling and they now can't stand my OH and think i should kick him out asap. I haven't told them about the smashing up of his possessions cos my mums a massive worrier and they're going on holiday next week so i don't want her worrying about me the whole time. I just feel totally stuck in the middle.

I'm just so angry, hurt and upset. Living here with OH at the mo is a nightmare because if we're not avoiding each other, we're barely speaking. I'm trying to keep strong for Jack but i'm so scared about being on my own. Not only that but i can't bear the idea of sending him to spend time with OH and his family unsupervised if/when he does move out. What the hell do i do?

 

[TORino]

Aw Hun

Well done for taking action, a decision like that is never easy. And following through with it is even tougher. He's going to put up some resistance to it, its a threat to his current existence. And realisation to him that he is ruining his life no doubt.

You can't let him manipulate/frighten you into staying there. He's smashed up his stuff to provoke a reaction from you/get attention.

Does his mother know about his gambling?! That's bound to shake things up if she doesn't and you tell her. It would be the first thing I would do as well, tell his mam. Petty possibly, but she might be able to talk some sense into him.

I'm glad you've told your parents, I know for me once they've been told its difficult to retreat from that position. It will help you though in the long run I'm sure. They will look out for you and your little boy and probably protect you from yourself in a way. The easy thing to do right now is go back to how things were, but that will make you miserable so be brave.

I think you need time out ASAP from him. This way he'll know you are serious. Can you stay at your folks?

And it is your decision if the relationship continues, you always have that in your control, remember that.
Chin up. Be strong.

Thinking of you xxx

 

[Bee7]

Thank you so much TOR, you don't know how much your kind words mean to me right now.

His mum DOES know about the gambling. The irony is that his dad was a gambler too and she left him when OH was a toddler. So you'd think she'd sympathise/understand. But she doesn't, she just picks fault at me when in reality i've done nothing wrong.

I feel scared of the future and scared for Jack. I know OH is his father and i wouldn't stop him seeing him, but the thought of sending him to him and his family (especially his poisonous mother) really upsets me. If he's gambling, smashing things up etc he's hardly a good role model or behaving rationally

Thank you again xxx

 

[beckyboo1]

Hey Hun sending you big hugs.

I'd say for now don't panic too much about the future with regards to access etc just concentrate on getting where you want to be now

Are you happy that he stays til the end of the month. You have every right to chuck him out as you have jack to think of

Like Tor said can you stay with your mumk even if only for a day or two to give you chance to get your head round things clearly

Obv your OH needs help but there's only so much you can do. He has to want it himself.

Also you prob need time to work out if you want the relationship to work long term. Again I don't think you can do this while he's about

I'm afraid I don't really have any more advice apart from keep you chin you. You're doing a fab job as a mummy and I'm a great believer in what's meant to be, will be

Take one step at a time and remember that's what we're here for xxx

 

[BabyBrain]

Oh hunny well done for having it out with him! You couldn't go on much longer like that.

His mum is not doing him any favours, how can he recognise the problem when others are sticking up for him and making excuses? She probably sees this as his dad's fault not her precious son's, she'll kid herself that it's genetic or something daft. Don't take any notice of her. As to access, if they play up tell them they can only see Jack under supervision.

You are more than strong enough to raise Jack on your own, you've been incredibly strong so far and you will continue to do so. Your parents sound like they will give you all the help and support you need.

It's a shame it's come to this and as hard as it is you have to think of you and your son first and foremost xxxxxxxxx

 

[pinkyprincess]

I'm sending hugs to the both of you! You are a strong amazing person! Well done.

 

[Mrsstuart01]

That's awful! Big hugs for you!!
Well done you for being strong and telling him to leave. I would advise not going to your mums if you can avoid it. Many moons ago my mum left my dad and because she physically left was told she had limited rights and she could have kicked him out. Avoid as much as you can anyone suggesting you going to your mums was you leaving!! Xx

 

[BellaRiven]

Well done for doing this honey it was clearly getting you down and it needed to have something done about it.

Forget about the future what will happen will happen, take each day as it comes and live life to the fullest you have a beautiful baby to care for and love.

Huge hugs to you and well done, it's a hard decision but the hardest part is over x x x