Letting baby cry

[abcd1234]

The hv has just been around and Tally was doing her usually attachment to boobie, a little for food but mainly comfort. The hv said i shouldn't let her use it for comfort but should let her cry and leave her for up to 20mins so she learns to fall asleep on her own.

Now i'm REALLY uncomfortable with this, i'm one of those mothers that has to pick her up once i've establishedthe crying isn't just a sllepy moan. I'm not sure whether to try it or if it'd just disteress usboth too much, plus when she gets going she can scream the house down.

Does anyone let them self sooth, cos i've never heard it mentioned on here before, she just seems a little young to me

 

[Manda&Thomas]

i have let thomas cry from day 1 aslong as i no hes doesnt need anything i let him get on iwth it as a result hes not clingey and is a very happy little boy who will amuse himself while im doing things, he also goes right to sleep at night and will sleep all night long, i belive most of this is down to the fact i will let him cry and not mother him too much,
i no some people will jump on my back for saying that but its worked for us
do what you feels right though hun what works for one wont work for another
xx

 

[Lola's Mummy]

I personally wouldn't be able to do it

My daughter is 11 months old and i have never left her to cry. I think she's too young to understand yet. If she's just playing up and fussing i will leave her for a couple of minutes before i pick her up. I always think she's doing it for a reason and it's my job to find out whats wrong and fix it

IMHO Tally is far too young and wouldn't understand

 

[Becky]

I think it really depends on you and your baby. In the early days (months) I wouldn't leave Lucy to cry but as she got older (about 2/3 months) she started crying herself to sleep. I'd lay her down and she'd start crying so I'd pick her up, so she'd be quiet, then she'd start getting tired and grumpy so I'd lay her down again and we'd be back in the cycle. It took for my mum to suggest that if I left her for 15 mins she'd most likely go to sleep. So it was the hardest 15 mins of my life but as it happened she was asleep in 10 mins.

We used this as a guide, if she was still crying after 15 mins then we knew it wasn't tiredness that was the problem but she would just cry herself to sleep, usually within 5 mins, it was just her way. Thank god my mum suggested it as I'd have gone mad.

I think in general as you learn the different cries that babies have you learn whether your baby needs immediate attention or not. This has to be down to you and your baby and tbh I think the HV is wrong to suggest that her way is the right way for every baby.

 

[charlie84]

I havent left Calleigh to cry, couldnt do it. To be honest i think when they are so little they do cry for a reason. They have been with you for nine months so are usued to being near you.
But Calleigh usually only cries for a reason and once i have sorted it out be it nappy/feed/cuddle/play etc she is as right as rain.
She is fine with getting herself off to sleep when she goes in her cot at night too.

 

[newmumtobe]

Hi my boy is now 7 months now i had a terrible time getting him to stop feeding at that stage!
At the time i thought he was to young to just let him cry it out ! You have to do what you think is right.

I think about 3 to 4 months i started letting him feed on demand in the day and then at night after bath and bobbie i read to him said good night and put him in the cot. (before he was in bed with me and feeding every hour).
He would cry i would wait 5 mins go back and reassure, leave him for 10 and so on it was heart breaking but after a week i learned his cry there would be pauses this meant he would sleep and i knew he was ok. If there was no pauses he was never going to sleep. I had rocked him to sleep previosly and took ages i think after a couple of weeks he went to sleep with out to much fuss and the constant feeding in the day gradually improved to. Soon as i put him in his own room he almost slept through usually had one feed a night.

Also he would cry when he is tired and he found it difficult to go to sleep for naps in the day which made him want to comfort suck. I left the hoover on out side his room he would go straight to sleep he wouldnt cry just stare.

Good luck with it all i can remember how hard it was

 

[daftscotslass]

I couldn't do that either. When they're that young they cry when they need something - not necessarily fed or changed, just something as simple as a comforting cuddle. Even now I don't really do it unless she's doing it because she's exhausted - she fights sleep (mostly during the day, she usually goes down fine at night) like no baby I've ever met. Even then I can't let it go on for more than a couple of minutes before I cave .

Agree with the post above, you know best as her mummy what you think is right

 

[Jade&Evie]

This is how my evenings used to go:

Evie Cries
Mummy Picks Evie Up and Cuddles Her
Evies Smiles
Mummy Puts Evie Down
Evie Cries
Mummy Picks Evie Up and Cuddles Her
Evies Smiles
Mummy Puts Evie Down
Evie Cries
Mummy Picks Evie Up and Cuddles Her
Evies Smiles
Mummy Puts Evie Down
Evie Cries
Mummy Picks Evie Up and Cuddles Her
Evies Smiles
Mummy Puts Evie Down
Evie Cries
......

Get the Jist!?!

My mum told me off for keep picking her up as she would only settle for me... when my mum was babysitting she would yell the place down! Now I let her cry for a bit if I know there's nothing wrong! The past few nights she cried for ten muntes then fallen asleep after she's realised that she's actually ok!

 

[Suzie and Faith]

I can't do it. My mum told me I was spoiling her but I don't care. If she cries then there is something wrong and I do my best to solve it!

Faith doesn't cry really unless there is a reason. Sometimes she is over tired and I have to rock her a certain way to calm her enough to sleep, but other than that it's generally food/wind/poo that makes her cry - all if which can be solved.

I guess i'm lucky in that way - if she cried all the time for no reason i'd probably try leaving her but i'm still not sure i could do it! if she is sad i want to cuddle her!

would you consider a dummy to help soothe her (a proper nipple-like one)?

But otherwise ignore your HV, you're the mummy, you know best!

 

[LisaJ1986]

When Angel was tiny she didn't cry unless she was hungry or belly ache. She'd fall asleep on her own accord without whinging. So i always picked her up as i knew there must be something wrong. She does a lot of comfort sucking even now. I just take her off after a couple of minutes. She's generally contented by then anyway.
I won't let her cry herself to sleep. Sometimes if she's moaning more than crying then i'll leave her a bit. She'll usually drop off within 10 mins. If not i'll pick her up.
I can't bare to hear her cry. Once she spent the day screaming. I put her down and left the room for a minute to call OH as i didn't know what to do. That's the only time really i've left her. But i was in bits and so was she.
My HV reckons that you can't really spoil a baby anyway. She said if they cry then it's usually for a reason, even if it's a cuddle, so pick her up. So i always followed her advice. My mum told me off coz she always needs someone to be around and it can't be good and it's a habit she should be getting out of. But i don't mind. She makes me happy.

 

[Sherlock]

My HV suggested the same when Galen was around the same age. TBH they are too small for controlled crying at this age.

What I did over a few weeks was a bit more relaxed and we got there in the end. I just could not physically sit or lie with him for such extended periods of time due to health problems.

Galen was well and truly fine with breastfeeding so I opted for a dummy to get him off my boob and away from constant comfort sucking. I got nipple shaped dummies to switch him over to. When he had fed well and was on to comfort sucking I would take him gently off my nipple and when he fussed to go back on give him the dummy instead. Initially he wasn't keen on it but after a few attempts he took it fine. I'd then hold on to him on his pillow while he fell off to sleep. Then transfer him to his basket. If he woke and fussed when I put him down I would not pick him up but make sure he had his dummy and keep skin on skin contact with him, usually my hand on his head, or gently stroke his head till he settled again.

If he really started crying again I'd give it a few minutes and continue to comfort him before then picking him up. I'd put him back on the pillow and persevere with the dummy till he was sleeping again. Then move him back to the basket.

Over the couse of a couple of weeks it got much better. So much so that by 6 weeks he was able to go wide awake into his basket or cot at any time when tired and settle himself off to sleep. So long as he had his mobile on and could watch it, and if need be a dummy to help him go off. Once asleep he always spits it out and I don't put it back in.

I found picking him up every time he cried stopped him crying yes, but as soon as I put him back down he started again. I could not go on like that and had to find a solution. Its not for everyone and it does take a bit of effort but it worked for us. He now spends time in there wide awake also and is quite content to be left to it for up to an hour. Since about 8 weeks old he has managed that. Means I can get on and do stuff and he is happy also

He had 2 weeks of my MIL and brother in law staying and they picked him up a lot when he fussed. In the end he was starting to cry and then stop once picked up, and cry when put back down. I had to put my foot down evetually and asked them to stop picking him up and to do as I do. Otherwise I was in the poo once they left with him if he got too used to being picked up all the time again. It took 2 days of him fussing and we are back on track.

If you want to know anymore drop me a PM

 

[kalia]

If you're not comfortable with it, don't do it. We did it once for all of 3 minutes. Then I decided that she'd spent at least 4 months inside me conscious and permanently held and so I should allow her at least 4 months on the outside world to adapt and give her cuddles when she wants them.

 

[debecca]

Erk! She's a bit young for controlled crying! We didn't let Connie cry AT ALL (and still haven't) and she now sleeps brilliantly.

I think if they're crying for YOU then it's different as they have to learn you won't always come, but surely not that young?? Connie only tends to cry when she's hungry or sleepy though (or previously with her bad wind)...

She's far too young to 'teach' anything. I agree with the other girls.

 

[DebbieM]

It's too hard. I can't do it.

 

[CoreysMummy]

I'll leave him for a bit if its wingeing, theres different crys, if its a moaning, I want attention, pick me up, play with me cry then he gets left under his play gym for a bit while I finish what im doing. If is a - theres something wrong with me cry, then I drop what im doing and tend to him.

You should be able to tell if shes laying in bed moaning because shes tired, then you may be able to leave for 5 mins to drop off. But if its not a wingeing cry then, id tend to her, shes to young, and prob does want cuddles.

 

[1sttimemum]

il leave her for a max of 5 mins. if im busy making her bottles & shes crying for "no reason" or cos shes tired,

i think 20 mins is far too long for a 3 week old.

 

[beanie]

where the hell do they get these HV's from? Mine is always going on about how Cally shouldn't be carried in a sling, co-sleep or I shouldn't go to her if she cries. I ignored her when I had Seren, and she has grown into a secure independant little girl so I will do the same with Cally. I really don't understand why some people have this obsession with making babies as independant as quickly as possible. If your newborn was crying because they were hungry or dirty no-one would ignore it, yet if she wanst a cuddle or reassurance mum is there, your HV is telling you to ignore it. Listen to your heart. If you have a sling pop her in that and you can get stuff done whilst baby is by her favourite person. My health visitor always says how she needsto learn I won't always be there - erm I'm her mum where else am I going to be?

For what its worth controlled crying is not recommended before baby has developed object premanance which is approx 6 months. Before this, if you are out of sight, baby thinks you no longer exist. They don't understand you will come back whethre you leave it 2 mins or 20.

 

[littlepip]

It's funny because when i worked in a nursery there was a certain baby you had to rock to sleep for half an hour then lay them on pillows and pray they didnt wake when you put them down so we 'weaned' him into the cot and usedf to leave him to cry for 1 minutes then he would sleep and eahc time it got shorter and shorter until he didnt cry at all! and that was fine.

But like tonight i knew ryan was tired and i laid him down and he cried so i went in a put his dummy in a few times then got him out and he fell asleep on my lap. I think im going to have to just put him in his cot and leave him cos he doesnt go to bed till 11 so i never get any time to mysekf unless i stay up till 1am!!!

 

[abcd1234]

That settles it then! I wont be leaving her to cry

I'm a little concerned about her being clingy cos my sister is jsut awful (she was attached to my mum up until about 3yrs old and even now is extremely "territorial" over her) but i've never been clingy and Tally is her own person plus i think atm she's too young to be left.

Oh and beanie regarding the co-sleeping the HV was very keen on making sure i do put her in the moses basket at least when it's bed time, though tbh i dont really see what difference it makes, she falls asleep on the bed and when she wakes up she's taken back in to it so its not like she sees the moses basket.

She's already started showing a preference for mummy but it's quite nice, i'm hoping that with introducing one bottle of EBM a day she'll learn to settle with other people and not on a boobie, otherwise when i leave her in a couple of weeks they'll have 4 hours of screaming.

 

[Sherlock]

where the hell do they get these HV's from? Mine is always going on about how Cally shouldn't be carried in a sling, co-sleep or I shouldn't go to her if she cries. I ignored her when I had Seren, and she has grown into a secure independant little girl so I will do the same with Cally. I really don't understand why some people have this obsession with making babies as independant as quickly as possible. If your newborn was crying because they were hungry or dirty no-one would ignore it, yet if she wanst a cuddle or reassurance mum is there, your HV is telling you to ignore it. Listen to your heart. If you have a sling pop her in that and you can get stuff done whilst baby is by her favourite person. My health visitor always says how she needsto learn I won't always be there - erm I'm her mum where else am I going to be?

For what its worth controlled crying is not recommended before baby has developed object premanance which is approx 6 months. Before this, if you are out of sight, baby thinks you no longer exist. They don't understand you will come back whethre you leave it 2 mins or 20.

Its strange how HV all seem to be programmed to suggest the same things (I guess as they all come out of the health service so maybe not) My HV suggested controlled crying at 3 weeks and leaving LO for 10 minutes That having a break and going to make a cup of tea downstairs was ok and he would be fine. She said he would not come to any harm and I could then go back and hopefully cope with him. I never did it. Never wanted to. But I did have to do something for my own healths sake. I like to think the way we went about it meant he still had comfort and contact with me or OH but that I was able to put him in his basket and go sort myself out once he was fed and cuddled for a while. Had I not done so I would have begun to really resent the situation and found it even harder to cope than I already was.

I co-sleep and sling seed and I have found her less clingy if anything it gives them more confidence to be independant of you.

I tried a sling but sadly because of my problems it just could not work in the early weeks. I'd have loved to have solved things that way but could not. Now 11 weeks later I just can't get comfy with a sling/carrier so stick with how things are. My son still gets loads of attention, cuddles, input and love from me. No less than if I carried him with me all the time. Mind you he just likes to be held so he can see everything and has been that way since a few weeks old. Wide awake and needing input. He's such a happy smiley baby to everyone I like to think he'll continue that way. Just I can't cuddle him for hours on end, its physically impossible for me to do so. If we decide to have another baby I'd love to think I can cuddle and carry like that, but realise that because of the damge I had this time chances are it won't be possible. I'm a happy confident outgoing person and like to think that it'll rub off on my son as he grows. That he won't go the other way and be clingy.