Letting baby cry

[debecca]

I tried a sling but sadly because of my problems it just could not work in the early weeks. I'd have loved to have solved things that way but could not. Now 11 weeks later I just can't get comfy with a sling/carrier so stick with how things are. My son still gets loads of attention, cuddles, input and love from me. No less than if I carried him with me all the time. Mind you he just likes to be held so he can see everything and has been that way since a few weeks old. Wide awake and needing input. He's such a happy smiley baby to everyone I like to think he'll continue that way. Just I can't cuddle him for hours on end, its physically impossible for me to do so. If we decide to have another baby I'd love to think I can cuddle and carry like that, but realise that because of the damge I had this time chances are it won't be possible. I'm a happy confident outgoing person and like to think that it'll rub off on my son as he grows. That he won't go the other way and be clingy.

That all sounds perfectly reasonable to me hun

All of us have to do whatever suits us and our babies, and I hate to say it but I think what we do doesn't have QUITE as much impact on their personalities as we'd like to believe... they are their own little people from birth, aren't they?

Connie has recently decided to hate the sling so we don't use it any more. I do carry her quite a bit on my shoulder but to be honest she's happiest just sitting up (anywhere, doesn't have to be on us) and shouting at the world.

 

[loz]

I totally disagree with your HV - your bab is way too young for controlled crying. The only time I have ever left Emms to cry for a while is when I was just so totally knackered that I couldnt raise myself from the lying position!

When your baby is that young, they do want a lot of holding and cuddling and I think that's fine, they become more independent as they get older. Cuddle your bab all you want. I cant actually believe she told you to do that! Ridiculous!!

I think it is helpful to read something like the Baby Whisperer who shows you how to try and interpret the crying and what it means e.g. hungry, overtired, needs a cuddle or change of scenery.

Go with your gut instinct as a mother, at 3 weeks old, dont worry about over spoiling bab with cuddles, they need it!!!

 

[muppetmummy]

Im really lucky with my HV, she thinks slings are brilliant, thinks co-sleeping is perfectly safe if the guidelines are followed and has never suggested controlled crying. It was a midwife who suggested I try co-sleeping in the first place. They seem quite forward thinking around here.

I never leave Logan to cry if I can help it, obviously there are times it cant be helped like when I need the loo, getting his bottle ready etc, but its never more than a few minutes. In the early days Id take Logan into the toilet with me. I still put him in his bouncy chair in the bathroom when i'm having a shower. As Logan gets older I find he's becoming more independent of his own accord and is gradually happy sitting in his chair, on lying under his baby gym for longer periods.

I wont let MIL look after him cos she believes in controlled crying and says i'm spoiling him, I can't trust her not to leave him crying so she's not having him.

Babys don't realise they're seperate from their mother at first and will become really distressed if left alone.

 

[beanie]

Im really lucky with my HV, she thinks slings are brilliant, thinks co-sleeping is perfectly safe if the guidelines are followed and has never suggested controlled crying. It was a midwife who suggested I try co-sleeping in the first place. They seem quite forward thinking around here.

I never leave Logan to cry if I can help it, obviously there are times it cant be helped like when I need the loo, getting his bottle ready etc, but its never more than a few minutes. In the early days Id take Logan into the toilet with me. I still put him in his bouncy chair in the bathroom when i'm having a shower. As Logan gets older I find he's becoming more independent of his own accord and is gradually happy sitting in his chair, on lying under his baby gym for longer periods.

I wont let MIL look after him cos she believes in controlled crying and says i'm spoiling him, I can't trust her not to leave him crying so she's not having him.

Babys don't realise they're seperate from their mother at first and will become really distressed if left alone.

I want your HV - share!!!!!!

 

[Redshoes]

Do whatever is comfortable to you but I feel she's very young and leaving her to cry for any reason isn't something I'd feel comfortable with. Crying is her only way to communicate with you and so its also useful for you both so you can learn about her cries and what she really needs and wants. HV's should support your choices not suggest how you bring up your baby, so don't worry about what they say you should do, its irrelevant, you know your baby best As they get older and feel more settled and secure you may find leaving her a little while is beneficial for her and you, and that it is best, but for now I'd agree with your sentiments entirely

 

[zebrastripes]

To me a child will get more clingy if it is ignored...it thinks that you are abandoning it, so therefore it'll try to stay with you as much as possible, so you can't...plus, a small baby doesn't cry for the fun of it, but because it has a need to be met...

I'll stop here before i go off in a potentially offensive rant...i believe controlled crying has a place for older babies, but for newborns, ...ugh,your HV is mental

 

[lfc_sarah]

The only time i leave Callum to cry is..
He falls asleep on the breast...
Im guessing because of the warmth...
Then when i put him into a "cold" bed he wakes up and winges for a minute until it goes warm again

Its a totally different cry though to a hungry one/ wet bum one ect

 

[beanie]

The only time i leave Callum to cry is..
He falls asleep on the breast...
Im guessing because of the warmth...
Then when i put him into a "cold" bed he wakes up and winges for a minute until it goes warm again

Its a totally different cry though to a hungry one/ wet bum one ect

thats not leaving him to cry hun,thats him going "oi I was comfy there" lol

 

[jennywren]

I co-sleep and sling seed and I have found her less clingy if anything it gives them more confidence to be independant of you. xx

I don't think it gives them MORE or LESS confidence. Oran was never slinged and very rarely co slept (the odd night here and their if he was ill and couldn't settle) and he is both extremely independent & Extremely loving at the same time. He doesn't care if I leave the room, he will sit and play for hours with his bricks, colouring books or ball pool and is constantly wondering in an out of rooms and sometimes when I try and play with his bricks with him he gets mad and shouts at me and goes off to play with something else, but then on the other hand, he gives me kisses and cuddles all the time especially when I ask, last thing before and the first thing when he wakes up, he randomly (about 3/4 times a day) comes up to me for a long cuddle and we sit down on the sofa and cuddle for 10/15 mins then he is off to play again. He also plasy well with others even though he is so independant, if his cousins ignore him he finds something to play with on his own, if they include him he plays with them great (and constantly tries to kiss his girl cousin lol) so all in all I don't think it matters is they are Slinged, Co Slept, Self Weaned, Breastfed bubbas or unslinged, moses basket/cot, Controlled Cried (at a later stage!), weaned, bottle fed baby, they will be who they will be, with help from the parents to instill values and lifestyle.

Oh and abcd - I do agree that 3 weeks is WAY WAY WAY to young and tbh just do what suits you, I ignored pretty much what the HV said to me at all turns as they say what the books say not whats in the real world!!

 

[Geordie&Bairn]

I couldn't do that either. When they're that young they cry when they need something - not necessarily fed or changed, just something as simple as a comforting cuddle. Even now I don't really do it unless she's doing it because she's exhausted - she fights sleep (mostly during the day, she usually goes down fine at night) like no baby I've ever met. Even then I can't let it go on for more than a couple of minutes before I cave .

Agree with the post above, you know best as her mummy what you think is right

DITTO
Collier fights sleep through th day even when hes tired i rock him back and forth on my lap and hes falls asleep then i put him down
He sleeps very ery well at night goes to sleep on his own.

Collier is crafty some times well be playing happily and then il get up to make a cup of tea or god forbid make my dinner
And he'll start the lost lamb noises if igore him or even talk to him as i make the food he aint impressed he wants my undivided attention and gets loader and loader then i just have to leave him to it as i need to eat and if i wait till hes a sleep ill be waiting till 11 at night

butmost of the time it is for a reason hiscolic or tgeeting gums playing up hes tired needs his nappy changed or hungry

 

[lfc_sarah]

The only time i leave Callum to cry is..
He falls asleep on the breast...
Im guessing because of the warmth...
Then when i put him into a "cold" bed he wakes up and winges for a minute until it goes warm again

Its a totally different cry though to a hungry one/ wet bum one ect

thats not leaving him to cry hun,thats him going "oi I was comfy there" lol

 

[Happybunny]

It is a very personal choice, but I would think 3 weeks is way too young to be thinking about controlled crying. A baby that young needs to nurse frequently and it is impossible to spoil Tally by giving her comfort and nurishment. A newborn baby has no manipulative agenda - their wants are very much their needs and crying is their way of communicating that to you.

My 3 month old daughter only gets to sleep on the breast. Personally, my OH and I don't mind one bit, but it seems to bother other people for some reason.

We are planning to teach her to go to sleep independently when she is four months (from our reading, that is an optimal age). I will not be letting her 'cry-it-out' as I feel it could break the trust we have. My friend suggested a book, No Cry Sleep Solution http://www.amazon.co.uk/No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Through-Pantley/dp/0071381392. I am currently reading through it, but I have read some good revies about it from some other parenting forums.

Lots of luck with whatever you decided to do. Remember, everyone has an opinion on how you raise your daughter - but you are her mummy and you know what is best for her.

 

[lauramumof2]

il leave her for a max of 5 mins. if im busy making her bottles & shes crying for "no reason" or cos shes tired,

i think 20 mins is far too long for a 3 week old.

I agree here. Im all for controlled crying but 20 mins is a heck of a long time for someone so small. I wouldnt let mines cry for that now. 5 mins, in for a reassuring rub of the chest and some reassuring noises but I would not lift them (unless I though he/she was wet, illl etc).

Because it worked well when they were wee, I know now when they do wake its for a reason.

What a thing for a hv to suggest.

 

[lauramumof2]

My health visitor always says how she needsto learn I won't always be there - erm I'm her mum where else am I going to be?

beanie, maybe she thinks you will still be slinging when your kids are teenagers.

 

[beanie]

My health visitor always says how she needsto learn I won't always be there - erm I'm her mum where else am I going to be?

beanie, maybe she thinks you will still be slinging when your kids are teenagers.

sod that, they can carry me

 

[Squiglet]

Question is... is it controlled crying if you are in the room with them, holding them... just not picking them up out of the cot... because that seems to be a "I want to be picked up" paddy... Lil miss cries if she sees anyone leave the room during the day...but if she is otherwise occupied she doesn't seem to mind... Lil miss has been here before... shes crafty

 

[beanie]

squiglet to me cc is leavig the room so baby can't see you for a set period of time. the Ferber approach says the same thing.

 

[maybebaby]

I never felt comfortable leaving ds to cry. The most I can manage even now is about 5 mins. He's my baby & if he cries it means he wants something - even if that thing is just a bit of attention.

He's happy & comtented, no more clingy than a normal 16 month old, he sleeps through the night most nights & settles himself to sleep at bedtime, so I don't think it's done him any harm at all.

 

[Squiglet]

squiglet to me cc is leavig the room so baby can't see you for a set period of time. the Ferber approach says the same thing.

Well what I do is definitely crying... whether its controlled or not is another matter, but we both end up in tears

 

[Babylicious]

I don't leave him to cry at all, he whinges then it turns into a cry so I pick him up