Letting them cry?

[xJodieLoux]

Jaida is quite good at night now, she is usually in bed by 8:30 and occasionally will sleep straight through until 6-7am ish, but usually wakes up at some point for a bottle, wich can be anytime between 2-5am. The problem is that when she wakes she is up for at least an hour, she will fall asleep in my arms then when I put her down she wakes up and starts smiling and kicking like its a game (get me out, put me in, get me out... and so on). So last night I decided I had to try and do something about it so at the second attemp putting in her cot, I just left her and let her cry, she didn't cry cry like really upset, she just sort of shouted and whaaa'd as if to say 'mum where are you, come get me'. After 10 mins she fell asleep.

So the question is, well questions...
Am I being cruel?
Have you ever done this? If so was it a one off or a regular thing? And what was the outcome?

 

[Becky]

I found (after my mum urging me to try) that DD liked to what I call "grumble" herself to sleep. I found that she'd be asleep within 10 mins of this grumbling and it was such a relief to find this because until that I'd been picking her up and trying to settle her again and what I was really doing was keeping her awake and making her more grumpy. It took a little while of listening to the cry and learning whether it was the falling asleep grumble or a genuine need but it worked for us.

I found some relatives found it hard to understand that I would leave her but I stuck to it and it was the best thing for us!

 

[Manda&Thomas]

no your not being cruel hun i do it all the time with Thomas have done since he was born and its never given him any ill effects from it.
hes been able to settle himself from an early age because of it

xx

 

[*Star*]

i think it's a HUGELY personal decision.
When they are little and can't really understand what's going on, then I can't leave them to cry.
With Amelia, she's still too little for me to leave crying. It still goes through me when she's cries.

Now with Oliver he is old enough for me to leave him. But I can hear what his cries are like. If he is wingeing then i will leave him, but if he is really upset then I wont leave him.

 

[pammie1]

I dont think you are being cruel at all, however if you would like to try something else I have a couple of suggestions as I have had similar situation with my LO recently. 1, You could try a 'dreamlight lullaby ' projector, you may have seem them, they attach to the cot , some are remote controlled and they play soft sleepy music and project images on the ceiling which float across. I found this really takes my babys attention and she will lay quietly watching and usually drift off to sleep within 5 mins - since my baby has always been v. difficult to settle and only just went in her cot 6 nights ago after co-sleeping so far I thought this was a miracle!! - this doesnt work with her if she has already started crying
2, If baby is crying and you dont like just walking out for so long try sitting by the cot with your hand on baby shushing or gently reassuring for about 30secs, then walk out for a min or 2, go back and repeat but dont pick up, again I have been surprised how quick my baby has accepted this and calms down, plus I dont feel like I am leaving her to cry as such, she knows I am still there, though I am maybe not giving her exactly what she wants - which with her is normally my boobies!

 

[NooNoo]

I left mia to cry herself to sleep, when i first started it, id go in give her dummy back etc, didnt talk to her left light off, and eventually she got the hint bless her lol..

got to say its the best thing i ever did...now she knows when shes in her cot with the light off its bedtime

although like star said i wouldnt do it with a newb

 

[drea b]

Kaira very rarely goes to sleep without having a good grump beforehand

I use to go in and pick her up everytime she cried but one night I didn't and after 5 - 10 mins of crying (whinging really) she was fast asleep. She's the same in her buggy - has to have a bit of a cry before she gives in and goes to sleep.

 

[locust]

I agree its personal choice however Im not a fan of CC OR CIO. For one I just couldnt do it but there is also studies that suggest leaving a baby to cry may have ill effects mentally.

http://www.evalillian.com/Crying.aspx

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2004/ ... s.politics

 

[xJodieLoux]

Thanks for the replies. Last night when I put Jaida in her cot she was fast asleep and didnt wake up, but when I went up to bed an hour later I disturbed her and she started whinging, I just sat on my bed, thinking should I get her? or would that just disturb her more? and after a few minutes she was fast asleep again. Then she woke up at about half 2 and whinged but I thought I'd wait abit before rushing down for a bottle and she just went back to sleep and didn't wake again until 7am. I do feel abit mean when she's laying in her cot crying/whinging but I wouldn't let her get too upset, she's just trying it on sometimes, seeing if I'm going to come running to get her. Then when I don't get her she must just think 'oh well I'll just go back to sleep then'. I'm quite pleased to be honest, and I actually think that when I do get her and mess about trying to settle her it just makes her worse alot of the time or she ends up wide awake.

 

[Strangeness]

If she's not getting hugely upset hun then I think you're doing the right thing. Tamzin is really good at sleeping in the night but will sometimes whinge so I just give her a dummy and leave her to it and within minutes she's asleep again. You know the difference between a whinge and needing you by now hun so go with what you feel is right Hope you and Jaida are doing well!

 

[mum's the word]

I found that Ricky didn't want to be fussed rocked or fed, that's why i left him to cry. It's been a big success from my point of view, I read all the reports of controlled crying being 'cruel' but what do you do when your l/o is crying anyway when you keep picking them up?
After 3 nights he ettled and happily goes down every night at least 7-6 and wakes up happy-he always woke up screaming before I went down the CC route.
If it is damaging to leave them cry then at least half the population must be damaged cos most mum's of our generation and the years before did it.
It's easy to assume that every time a baby cries it's because they want mummy/milk but now I know that a lot of Ricky's crying was due to tiredness.
You get to learn the different sounds of crying, sure he often cries now and I respond because I can tell he's 'calling' me, but quite often he's just whinging himself back to sleep, and TBH I like to be left alone when I'm tired too.

 

[Steelgoddess]

Im getting to know Haydens crys he has different ones, funny cause to start with I thought how would i get to know them but i just do...

I believe babies cry on a scale of 1-10 a 1 is little grumbly crys, you have just put them down and immediatly they are grumbly and cry a little but its what I call "pretend" crying (very easy to define when you walk out the room baby grumbles as soon as they see you they stop) I'd say a 10 is an extremly stressful cry had this a few times baby would go bright red and it is always BECAUSE of something...

I personally do NOT believe in leaving a baby to get to a 10 just to try and "settle" them, they are stressed and obviously want something. We allowed Hay to cry to sleep tonight HOWEVER I check on him every 5 minutes and he normally calms, when you leave the room they don't know where you have gone or if you are coming back, i believe when theres that crying he needs to know it is sleep time but not to worry Mummy and Daddy are still here, its VERY hard to hear them cry but we need to still have that control and not let them rule the roost.

During the day is a bit different if he crys I pick him up and sing to him, or put him in different holds to comfort him, no matter what anyone says when its like that I cannot just leave him. But I do draw the line at bedtime.

Dont know if this helps but just my opinion

 

[Magic Monkey]

I would agree that it depends on the cry, I know that when I put Ella down and she starts screaming she will never settle herself, so I have to calm her down and try again a bit later (luckily this is a daytime sleep thing!) but a whingy cry is just that and provided she isn't upset I leave her and she settles and goes to sleep. Ella also cries in her sleep quite a lot, so she cries, but when I go in she is still asleep and just unsettled, I usually give her the dummy and she settles straight away.

 

[CoreysMummy]

Not cruel at all!! I pop mine in his cot, sometimes he winges to sleep, other times he dosent. If its ever a screaming teary cry (you can tell the difference cant you - either a moan, or an upset cry) then I go in and give him all the cuddle snuggles Any excuse really

But, since he was 3 months old hes been put to bed awake for all naps and night time, grumbles/winges himself to sleep for 5-10 mins max.

 

[DaisyRose]

No, I don't think it's cruel at all, as long as they're not really stressed. As someone else said, there are different types of crying and I think a lot of babies grumble when they get over tired - Ruby gets overwhelmed with all the activity we have going on in our house and she moans until I put her to bed in the evening - she just wants to lie flat and go to sleep.

I've never left my girls when they've been newbies (not unless I've really had to (ie, one of the older ones needs sorting out) but I think they do need to learn to go to sleep on their own eventually. I'll leave Ruby to cry for a few minutes and if she doesn't settle I'll try again but usually she finds her thumb and goes off to sleep now; she wakes and goes back to sleep in the night without crying too (unless she needs a feed - usually about 3-6ish).