Leaving her to cry?

[Bridie]

Hi Everyone,

My baby is 2 and a half weeks old now. She is generally as good as gold but recently we have noticed that she is reluctant to sleep unless we are cuddling her. Through the night, we used to bring her into our bed when she wouldn't settle and we think that she has come to expect it now, so when we put her in her crib, she cries even if there is nothing apparent wrong with her.

We have decided to try and nip it in the bud by not going running as soon as she starts to cry when we put her in her crib (obviously, we don't just leave her if there is something actually wrong like she needs feeding or changing!)

Does anyone have any idea how long we should leave her crying before going to comfort her? We have been trying to leave it ten minutes. It's really difficult because you just want to make her feel better straight away, but we think we have to be cruel to be kind or she'll never learn to sleep happily by herself. What do you all think? Any other ideas of how to get her out of this habit?

Thanks for any advice,
Bridie x

 

[Red_Fairy]

to be honest i think she is far too young for controlled crying/leaving to cry.

I dont really know what to suggest except i think LOs change soo much over the next few weeks so she may start being able to settle in mosses basket/cot herself anyway, without having to leave her distraught.

Babies up to (i think) 6 weeks old dont have a memorie like older kids do so 'teaching' her to settle helf self wont work
Sorry i have no advice what to do otherwise

 

[Pregnopaws]

After reading a book about developmental and emotional health in babies I have never ever left my baby to cry. I think each parent must and will bring up their child the way they feel is best, but I feel that babies (being so helpless) need alot of comfort and security. imo a crying baby is not a contented baby so i always try to figure out what my LO wants (even if its just a cuddle.)

 

[Sammystar]

I agree with the others. She's too young to 'teach'. You can't 'spoil' a baby at this age so just give her what she needs. She'll settle into a routine soon enough

 

[Sammystar]

I agree with the others. She's too young to 'teach'. You can't 'spoil' a baby at this age so just give her what she needs. She'll settle into a routine soon enough

 

[Rosieroo]

At her age she needs cuddles and reassurance, 10 mins is a long time for a newborn who just wants her mum. Remember she's only recently left the comfort of your tum where she had you with her all the time.

 

[LucyBee]

Absolutely agree it's too young to leave her to cry. She needs love, cuddles and attention.
I would check she has everything she needs...clean nappy, full tummy etc then give her lots of cuddles and kisses.
Controlled crying is not recommended until 6 months plus.
Lx

 

[loz]

I agree about her being a bit young for controlled crying - for at least the first month, you just have to roll with it! Try not to worry too much about routines yet.

I found reading some of the books such as Gina Ford etc just made me stressed about getting baby in a routine, so just went with what Emms wanted and she has naturally settled into things.

Also remember that newborns need lots of feeding, so baby might just want more feeds. My Emms wanted ++ feeding day and night when she was first born.

 

[happy-chick]

I agree with others I think its way too early for controlled crying, she just wants her mummy! She is too young to learn anything from letting her cry and is probably just crying because she wants cuddles and comfort.

 

[muppetmummy]

i never leave logan to cry and end up holding him or carrying him in a sling most of the day. he wakes and cries when put down unless in a really deep sleep. he also sleeps in my bed

i agree with what the others have said. i think they need time to adjust to being in the big world and need to be close to you in order to build confidence. i think leaving them crying just makes them anxious and even more clingy.

when first born babys think themselves and their mother are the same person, it takes time before they realise they're seperate to you.

 

[purple13]

sorry hon, i agree with the others as well. connor hated being in his own bed at first - he wouldn't sleep at night unless he was actually physically lying on top of us!! but gradually he's gaining confidence and he now sleeps in his cradle. but we still co-sleep a lot cos its easier to feed that way

i'd never leave him to cry, especially not for 10 minutes. connor's still way too little to understand, and i don't think its possible for them to be too clingy at this age.

sorry if these replies weren't what you wanted to hear

 

[Bridie]

Thanks guys! I’m so glad she’s too young to spoil! Being able to give her unlimited kisses and cuddles suits me better, not to mention Hazel!

I asked the health visitor about getting her settled in her crib and she advised us that if we tended to her every need but within the boundaries of a routine, it would eventually solve our problems.

Also, she said to make the transition from baby in bed with us to baby in her crib very gradual and not just to plonk her straight in there and get back into bed.

Anyway, we think we’re definitely starting to see progress because, (after much persuasion), she has been sleeping in her crib. We just have to make sure we don’t get lazy and leave her in bed with us rather than taking time to settle her properly in her crib.

Thanks for your advice. xxx

 

[Sherlock]

I usually let my LO fall asleep in my arms or some such before transferring, but he usually always stirs and knows he is in his crib and then fusses. He is 3 weeks old now and the past week has been much better in settling. I do co sleep with him from time to time also if need be, but usually try for the crib.

Some tips to try to settle and make the crib more welcoming. Helped our LO to settle better as he is like yours and would prefer being cuddled and remaining latched on my boob all night having top ups

Hot water bottle to warm up where she will be lying once in there. Or give the matress a blast with a hairdryer before putting LO in. Just to take the chill off.

When you lay her in there, keep contact with her for a few minutes. I usually leave my hand cradled round LO's head and then slowly move it till I have it cupped gently over the top till I can then take it away. If he stirs when I do this I simply put my hand back on his head gently for contact.

 

[Lola's Mummy]

Personally i still can't leave my DD to cry and she's over 9 months old now

I agree with Pregnopaws - "a crying baby is not a contented baby"

 

[Gem & Leland]

one tip for your crib is to put a hot water bottle in there for a bit , i bet its mighty chilly laying on horrid sheets for the first time !

 

[newmum]

Personally i still can't leave my DD to cry and she's over 9 months old now
quote]

Me neither - hence being awake from 3am -5am this morning...

 

[KJ]

I disagree partly with most. Whilst I agree that your LO is too young for controlled crying, as such. I think you do need to get into certain habits if you want them to sleep well independently.

At that age, we had Ash in a moses basket in our room. And he did have times when he would cry for no apparent reason. We would wait a few minutes, say 5 minutes and he would usually settle himself in no time.

I believe that the reason he is such a good independent sleeper now, is because we weren't too soft on him right from the start.

Saying that, we weren't harsh by any means, he was still a newborn and got loads of love, cuddles and attention.

K.x

 

[beanie]

I disagree partly with most. Whilst I agree that your LO is too young for controlled crying, as such. I think you do need to get into certain habits if you want them to sleep well independently.

At that age, we had Ash in a moses basket in our room. And he did have times when he would cry for no apparent reason. We would wait a few minutes, say 5 minutes and he would usually settle himself in no time.

I believe that the reason he is such a good independent sleeper now, is because we weren't too soft on him right from the start.

Saying that, we weren't harsh by any means, he was still a newborn and got loads of love, cuddles and attention.

K.x

see I am from the opposite side, I co-slept with mine, held them, picked them up as soon as they cried and I have two good independant sleepers also. You do what feels right for you.