Just so fed up

[1sttimer]

Not sure what the point of this is, other than to vent because there is no where else - I've just totally had enough at this point. I had a MC at 6 weeks in December 2015, at this point it had been over a year my husband and I were trying. Then just over a year later and just before I was due to start IVF I fell pregnant naturally in April 2016. I lost this baby at 16 weeks due to an SCH that created a very tricky pregnancy almost from the start and then I had to be induced and go through labour. I have since that point been seeing a holistic fertility specialist who has put me and Hubs on a very strict and specific diet and had me tested for all sorts of things. Turns out I have the heterozygous form of MTFHR. I take a million very specific supplements, plus aspirin, plus pro-gest cream in the 2ww...just this week my period is late, so I take a test, at 2 days late, it's positive, another bfp, amazing...but as quick as it started it's already over. Seems it was a chemical and AF is on it's way. So in my 4th year of trying, I have had 3 completely different sorts of MC, and just feel like it's impossible. I can't drink, eat any kind of sugar, or anything naughty because of the diet (which seems to be doing the trick if I 'almost' fell pregnant this month) and haven't been able to in what feels like forever so it just makes it all the harder because you cant just forget about it ever and let loose....there's nothing anyone can say or do to make you feel better, and yet you have to get your smile on, and get through yet another Christmas with no baby (when my last one was due last Monday) and it's just exhausting, and soul destroying. I know I'll be fine, and we'll hopefully get there in the end, but this constant up and down of hope and disappointment just seems never ending.

 

[xMillie]

I know the feeling oh so well.. I wish there was something someone could say or do to make it all better. It just doesn't seem to get easier. Sending virtual hugs

I also hate it's another Christmas with no baby for us, I would have had a nice bump by now if our little miracle had stuck around. Instead I WILL be drinking.. I had avoided it for years but what's the flipping point! I'm due to ovulate Christmas Day but we're visiting family over the few days before it so I already know this cycle is a write off!!!!!

 

[Peony1]

So sorry you’re having such a tough time of it. I know there are no words to make it better and it’s so completely unfair when you want it to happen so bad. I really hope 2018 brings us all better luck. Xx

 

[Alexis2017]

I am also sad I have no baby and sad to be spending another Cbristmas with no bump or baby. I guess small glimmers of hope see us through a few more months .

Read this poem today ...

With every tear that falls, there is a lost heart that calls.
it calls to say I'm here, don't dispair, I will come to you
when the time is right, when you least expect me and through
the quiet night open your heart to me, accept me, I will be there
in the end.
Your wait may be long, you may get frustrated by the whole
ordeal. In the end I will be real. While others around you are
succeeding your heart goes on bleeding.
I would thank you for being patient, I would thank you for
being the kind of person who shows persistance. If it were not
for this, I may never get the chance to have an existence.
In the chaos of your day, the calm of your night, let your heart
soar and take flight.
For so many tears, for so many years. You have been trying,
thinking of giving up but never doing it. In the end you just keep
on going in the hopes that I will come to you, the one who deserves
me, the one who can love me as no other can. You will be that
mother that you always wanted to be. Just you keep waiting for me

 

[Pop_x]

Sorry to hear you have had such a bad time. I can’t imagine how u feel and I really hope u have some good luck soon.x

I am currently ttc no2. Have been trying for 2 and a half years now. Me and hubby had all the tests and I had a hycosy In October and everything for us both absolutely fine and consultant telling me I will have no problems falling which my rely was then why am I still not pregnant after 2 and a half years?? I have been discharged from hospital now and any further treatment eg IUI or IVF I have to find myself.

I really thought the hycosy would give me a little clean through the pipes and I would go on to conceive. October was unsuccessful and I’m due on today and have the cramps and had a tiny pink tinge when wiping earlier.. so I know it’s on it’s way as I’m so regular!

My first was conceived by accident and I never thought I’d have such trouble the 2nd time around. All I can say is it was a very very lucky swimmer!

I no I am very lucky to have my DS whos 4,. And I’m very grateful but i just want to provide him with a sibling. I see him sitting playing alone and it breaks my heart. Everyone is constantly announcing there pregnant. I don’t think I can’t handle anymore announcements. People who had a baby after I had mine are now conceiving there 2nd. Sick of people asking when I’m having another and telling me how I Qing want a big age gap so I better hurry up.

I am really depressed and don’t know what to do. What do u do when there’s nothing wrong? I feel like I don’t know how to fix it xx

 

[Syd43]

Really sorry 1sttimer, you've been trying for such a long time.

I really underestimated how hard due dates are, my first due date was April this year and I found it really, really difficult. I don't really count the due dates for the two chemicals I've had in between but the due date from my latest miscarriage is next May, I just hope to God I'm pregnant again by then.

Is IVF still an option for you?

 

[1sttimer]

Thank you all for your lovely words, it's really lovely to hear from you all - this time of year sucks! This is the 4th Xmas in a row we've had some kind of terrible news at Christmas. It's just crap. But after a nights sleep I am determined to enjoy it...glass of wine in hand. Sod it, I can have one day off.

Alexis, your poem made me cry even reading the first line! (blame AF hormones) So lovely, I have a memory box for the baby I lost in June and I'm tempted to write that in a card and put it in there. Thank you.

xMillie, I feel like you and I are on a bit of a merry go round of ups and downs, I see you a lot on the same feeds and although our situations are different I know you totally understand the emotional rollercoaster of hope and excitement over disappointment and devastation. I do really believe that something will work out for you though lovely...you're still so young. So many things can happen. I mentioned to you the other day on your fed up post about looking at some alternatives...as another thought, so as not to spend a fortune on private advice, have you looked into just diet changes? This can make a HUGE difference, and sometimes it can just be that that's the issue. If so, message me and I'll give you a run down of what I'm on - if nothing else it is at least helping me fall pregnant now without the year's of nothing in between (even if I have miscarried). I really believe in it honestly...have a think about it.

Syd43 - we are not considering IVF at this point now because after the late miscarriage at 4 months, it seemed silly to pay all that money only to find out that it's not the getting pregnant that's the only problem but the holding on to it that is. We need to address what's happening with me during pregnancy before we can think about that, so pursuing the natural route for now. Maybe try and mark your May date somehow, that's what we did last week?

Pop_x - a lot of the testing they do doesn't really touch the surface unfortunately, have you had things like thyroids, vit d, progesterone etc tested? These are all quite simple things to fix but not always tested for - maybe look into that?

Thank you Peony1 - fingers crossed we're all on a feed next year that has been put together with good stories and not sad ones!

xxx

 

[xMillie]

I did improve my diet for a little while, at least during and the few months before my ivf round in April. Of course I got fed up and just fell back into old habits after the failed round.

When I did fall pregnant I remember my diet was almost nothing but bbqs. Hubby became obsessed for a while in the nice weather, so nothing but meat and salad. No idea if it made a difference.

After Christmas I want to go back to cutting out all sugar but I'd be interested to hear what might help!Xx

 

[1sttimer]

I did improve my diet for a little while, at least during and the few months before my ivf round in April. Of course I got fed up and just fell back into old habits after the failed round.

When I did fall pregnant I remember my diet was almost nothing but bbqs. Hubby became obsessed for a while in the nice weather, so nothing but meat and salad. No idea if it made a difference.

After Christmas I want to go back to cutting out all sugar but I'd be interested to hear what might help!Xx

Hi Millie, well I'm not going to say it's easy but I really honestly believe it is working. And it's not so much the 'being good' that people often think but more gearing your food around what is actually needed to help your body function in a balanced way so that functions such as producing eggs, ovulation etc are not taken away from by other over functioning areas - it is a really long story (one I've paid through the nose for) but worth it, so I might as well pass it on. You basically need to ramp up your protein intake so yes, the meat and salad your partner ate will absolutely have had an effect. You basically need to eat protein in every meal and then snack on it too - so nuts, seeds etc. That's the first most important thing, the no sugar rule is about balancing your hormones so you aren't having highs, lows and crashes which cause your body to compensate in other areas to balance you leaving the reproductive functions operating at less efficiency (as I type this I realise how over the top it sounds but stay with me!) then we've taken out a lot of gluten based stuff, so bread, pasta, etc anything that your body has to work hard to process. You then have to up your leafy greens and fruit/veg and increase good fats - so olive oil, coconut oil, fats found in nuts etc and remove saturated fats (crisps, chocolate etc). That is pretty much the size of it. Oh, actually, lastly, reduce the amount of cow dairy you eat and replace it with sheep/goats milk/ almond milk etc. In short, diary has a lot of estrogens in it that play havoc with our systems (and hormones) apparently and contribute to fertility issues so this is a good one. I know what you're thinking - wow that is A LOT. And when my lady told me I was totally overwhelmed and thought I couldn't do it...but I was also desperate like you are so gave it a shot. Anyway, the last time we did this, after 3 months I was pregnant, that's the one that stuck for 4 months (I had a massive hematoma so the MC wasn't related), and this time round we've been on it 3 months and I got a bfp this week (yes it was chemical but that still beats waiting a year each time like I was before!) - anyway - look it up. I would say that it wont be coincidence that the time you conceived you were eating a lot of protein and salads and your partner too. Also remember that anything you start doing now, takes 3 months to take effect - so never think what you were doing the month you conceived, always think what you were doing 3 months prior, that's been drilled into me by my fertility lady...that's when the eggs/semen is starting to develop and it takes 3 months for those actual eggs/sperms to be the ones released in a month you conceive...plus it takes that long for your body to adapt to diet changes and the benefits take hold. Anyway- I'm running on, but I thought you might be interested to know. Its free advice anyway you can do with it what you like my lovely - if I was you, I'd go mad this xmas on food, and drink and then January give yourself a goal to hit it hard...and then see what happens! Hope this helps and hasn't frightened you to death! I only get so into it, because I never knew and now it all seems so obvious! x

 

[xMillie]

I did improve my diet for a little while, at least during and the few months before my ivf round in April. Of course I got fed up and just fell back into old habits after the failed round.

When I did fall pregnant I remember my diet was almost nothing but bbqs. Hubby became obsessed for a while in the nice weather, so nothing but meat and salad. No idea if it made a difference.

After Christmas I want to go back to cutting out all sugar but I'd be interested to hear what might help!Xx

Hi Millie, well I'm not going to say it's easy but I really honestly believe it is working. And it's not so much the 'being good' that people often think but more gearing your food around what is actually needed to help your body function in a balanced way so that functions such as producing eggs, ovulation etc are not taken away from by other over functioning areas - it is a really long story (one I've paid through the nose for) but worth it, so I might as well pass it on. You basically need to ramp up your protein intake so yes, the meat and salad your partner ate will absolutely have had an effect. You basically need to eat protein in every meal and then snack on it too - so nuts, seeds etc. That's the first most important thing, the no sugar rule is about balancing your hormones so you aren't having highs, lows and crashes which cause your body to compensate in other areas to balance you leaving the reproductive functions operating at less efficiency (as I type this I realise how over the top it sounds but stay with me!) then we've taken out a lot of gluten based stuff, so bread, pasta, etc anything that your body has to work hard to process. You then have to up your leafy greens and fruit/veg and increase good fats - so olive oil, coconut oil, fats found in nuts etc and remove saturated fats (crisps, chocolate etc). That is pretty much the size of it. Oh, actually, lastly, reduce the amount of cow dairy you eat and replace it with sheep/goats milk/ almond milk etc. In short, diary has a lot of estrogens in it that play havoc with our systems (and hormones) apparently and contribute to fertility issues so this is a good one. I know what you're thinking - wow that is A LOT. And when my lady told me I was totally overwhelmed and thought I couldn't do it...but I was also desperate like you are so gave it a shot. Anyway, the last time we did this, after 3 months I was pregnant, that's the one that stuck for 4 months (I had a massive hematoma so the MC wasn't related), and this time round we've been on it 3 months and I got a bfp this week (yes it was chemical but that still beats waiting a year each time like I was before!) - anyway - look it up. I would say that it wont be coincidence that the time you conceived you were eating a lot of protein and salads and your partner too. Also remember that anything you start doing now, takes 3 months to take effect - so never think what you were doing the month you conceived, always think what you were doing 3 months prior, that's been drilled into me by my fertility lady...that's when the eggs/semen is starting to develop and it takes 3 months for those actual eggs/sperms to be the ones released in a month you conceive...plus it takes that long for your body to adapt to diet changes and the benefits take hold. Anyway- I'm running on, but I thought you might be interested to know. Its free advice anyway you can do with it what you like my lovely - if I was you, I'd go mad this xmas on food, and drink and then January give yourself a goal to hit it hard...and then see what happens! Hope this helps and hasn't frightened you to death! I only get so into it, because I never knew and now it all seems so obvious! x

This is very helpful, thanks! xx