just me having a moan :o(

[leckershell]

I don't expect any replies to this, I just wanted to sound off somewhere really.

I guess I just feel generally miserable for no reason.. though I probably have let things bottle up and spiral out of control..

..until recently I've been convinced Ryan doesn't like me, and even now I still cry every few nights as I think he doesn't want me as he settles and calms down much better with Nat and seems agitated with me.
..I feel under pressure to do things all the time. I know I'm pretty lazy and don't tend to do much housework or anything, and Nat doesn't mind, but I always feel that by doing nothing (even though looking after Ryan all day isn't exactly a walk in the park) I'm somehow a failure.
..I feel like most things I do I do badly. So even when I make a concerted effort to make dinner, or tidy up, in my eyes it's still not good enough and I've failed somehow. I don't know what I'm failing, just myself I guess.
..I do all the night time feeds and admittedly Nat can't exactly breastfeed for me lol but it'd be nice if he could at least show some support by fetching Ryan from the other room so I don't have to get up, or offering to do the nappy change. That makes me sound really lazy... I don't have a problem with doing things myself but it would be nice to have some support and company.. be nice for him to offer. I know he has work in the mornings and I don't, so I'm probably being unreasonable, but for some reason I just resent him for it. I've got no problem waking up at 3 in the morning, but it's just so lonely. I end up getting annoyed at Ryan for not settling, then Nat wakes up in a strop, settles Ryan by walking him and singing to him and I just get *that* look, the one that says omg can't believe I've got to do this *again*. So I sit in bed crying because I'm a failure for not being able to settle him myself.
..I can hardly sleep, as I have too much on my mind, and it's stupid things like what bus I'm going to catch the next day, or where I can buy the ingredients for the next cookery lesson, or how to do a right turn (i'm doing driving lessons).
..And don't even mention a sex drive.. I feel sorry for my OH, I don't know what's got into me but I mostly just want to be left alone.
..In the mornings my stomach lurches when the front door closes at 8am cos Nat has left for work. I dread the day on my own with Ryan as I'm convinced I'll get it wrong and he'll be screaming at me all day. It's actually not happened - every day has been fine, and I'm capable of doing everything I need to do to look after him, but when I hear the door go I just get that feeling that I can't cope, even though I know I can.
..Everything aches all the time. I'm overtired but I can't sleep, and my back has knots in it and it hurts to lie down straight onto it. The past few days I've been less hungry, and my skin has gone all crap too, so I'm probably getting quite run down.
..I dread the thought of going back to work. Admittedly I'm not going back until April, but still, it's in the back of my mind. I used to like my job, but it's the thought of being back in that office with all those people.
..I have no enthusiasm for anything any more. I would used to be like woo I'm doing this on this day, this on this day, and look forward to things, but now I'm just living the calendar and doing things like dates set in my life calendar. When I get out to driving lessons and cookery class, yeah, I enjoy it, but it's as if as soon as I get back into the house I sink and everything's back to normal and my fun's over. Which sounds awful cos I love Ryan and Nat to bits, and I love hanging around with them and playing with Ryan and bathing him and making him smile and stuff, but for some reason I just have no sense of humour at home anymore.

Sitting here crying, I won't be awake for replies cos I'm going back to bed, but since I was awake anyway I thought I'd sound off and see if it lifts the weight off my mind a bit. I don't feel much better tbh, but it was worth a try. My OH is so supportive compared to a lot of the partners I've read about on here and he doesn't have expectations of me, it's me that makes myself feel like a failure, he's never said that at all. I guess I'm putting pressure on myself, and I don't know why. I wasn't 100% honest in my PND screening either, I don't want anyone to think I'm struggling and I didn't lie much I just underplayed a couple of the answers. Even if I was struggling nobody can do anything about it, so I'd rather they just left me alone instead of bugging me asking me if I'm alright every 5 minutes. No I'm not alright, nothing's changed since the last time you asked.

I do love being a mom, it's awesome, and I do love being with Nat... I just don't know what's up with me. I'm just miserable most of the time now. I don't let it carry over to Ryan, but inside I'm feeling it.

Thanks for listening goodnight guys x

 

[_Rosie_]

 

[SarahH]

Awww hun, everything you have said is how I felt when Arianna was first born. I did all the day caring of her as B was at work, and then did the night caring as I felt he needed to sleep so he was in tip-top condition for the office the next day.

I know you may think it is early, but the best thing I did was when Arianna was about 6wks I started her routine, especially bed routine. I started with putting her down at 11pm and then each week making it half an hour early so she was used to it and she has been going down now at about 7pm and sleeping right through til between 8am-9am since about 3-4mths old.
Same with day routine, when he does have his nap - sod the house work or dinner - have a nice bath or something - just have some "me" time.

I'm sure your OH doesnt think anything of it.... he knows how much work you do, but is probably a typical man (like my one ) that will never tell you.

Also, speak to your HV - she will tell you, every new mum is exactly the same.
Keep your chin up and keep smiling - just look at your gorgeous little boy and you know it is all worth it!

 

[mamichuli]

Awwwww hun, you are in definite need of mega hugs

and guess what? you're normal!

Everything you talk about will pass, your baby is still tiny and it feels as if he absorbs all your time and energy, and he does. Just try to let go a little and to hell with housework and so on.

as far as sex drive, as long as you are b/f it is likely to be low - it might be an idea to talk to your OH about it, as it is a documented fact. Let him know that this is not really you, just that your little one snatched your body at conception, and contrary to appearances, he is still boss where your body is concerned

Cheer up sweetie, you'r e a great mum and a super supportive one for us on here -

Lisa

 

[jenni32]

Aww Michelle, I know how you feel I felt exactly the same. So did everybode else on here at the start most probably. Having a baby is an overwhelming experience in every way. I didn't feel anywhere near normal until Jude was at least 3 months old. I cried all the time and dreaded my OH going to work, he went back full time before the baby was a week old. In short I just wasn't prepared for having a baby full time! Nothing can ever prepare you for your first baby I don't think.

It will get better, honestly. Just takes a bit of time. Raging hormones don't help, and getting up for night feeds etc do knacker you. If you feel any worse, don't be scared to go to your HV or GP and ask for help.
Good Luck,you're doing a fab job with your gorgeous little Ryan

 

[Vicki83]

First of all i want to say you're not a failure at all, you can tell how much you love your little man straight off from your posts

I know how you feel about your OH helping, or not helping out as much as they really should, for example i had a rough day the other day there as Soph was in a proper mood all day, so i asked OH to put her to bed and the reply i got was oh come on i'm watching fifth gear, eh how about helping out with your flaming daughter.

Men can be so insensitive at times, but on the other hand their not psychic and we need to tell them how we're really feeling, rather than hiding things away until it gets too much and you explode.

But please remember everyone on this forum are here to talk to anytime, and i know we haven't really spoken, but we're all in the same boat hun, so feel free to chat to me anytime

 

[rach]

awww hun
its still very early days for you and let me tell you we all feel like this at some time in the early days your not alone and what your feeling is normal its a big change having a new baby and takes some time to get used to it
definately speak to your hv about how you feel they are not just there for babba they are there for you too could be that you have a bit of post natal depression but just getting it all out will help you feel a little better
and remember we are all here to listen hun so if you need to sound off and get things off your chest go for it we will all be here to offer you support and send you lots of hugs
xxxxxxxx

 

[emma28]

Just like the others said Shell....it's normal. Everyhting you said reminded me of when Jonah was born, and it's so hard hun. No-one can make you feel better, you just will in a while. I used to ring Robin at work and tell him how much I hated not being ME anymore. I just wanted to run away as they both seemed to cope much better without me.
It sounds like Nat's a dude, but just cos he's working doesn't mean he can't help a bit more. As soon as Robin walked through the door Jonah was his, even if it ment I just sat in the garden for half an hour. It's till like that now, almost 4yrs on.
I think we spend so long with all those extra hormones raging about that it takes longer than you'd think to let them settle down again. No one really tells you about what it can be like. I don't believe one woman on here got through without at least some of your worries/feelings.

I promise you you will feel better soon you have lots of great friends on here, you have helped and listened to us all and we are here for you

 

[kirlykird]

 

[Fluffy Bunny]

Sorry you are feeling a bit overwhelmed, but you are not alone. So many mums will be able to relate to what you are saying. You have put into words what many a mum has sat and thought with their new baby. Those pesky hormones


Take care

 

[Lou]

Hi I'm Lou

I know exactly how you feel and honestly it won't last forever but really theres no need for you to suffer. When I started to feel this way I went to my GP and although he put me on medication which may not be the route you want to take they can help you in other ways. I came off medication when I fell pg so after I had Isaac and I started feeling not right I knew I had to go back on my medication and now I feel just normal. I have fuzzy head days but I think its just hormonal. I joined a playgroup aswell to get me out and mixing with people and its been great meeting up once a week with other mums and kids Isaac can play with.

You need to find something that will work for you. I hope you feel better soon.

Lou

 

[beanie]

(((hugs))) hun.reading your post was like reading my feelings when seren was born. Exactly the same. I did go on to be diagnosed with PND (I kinda bent the truth too on my score at first) but this is not to say this is what is happening with you. It is normal to go through these feelings but keep an eye on them - I was convinced Seren hated me, and knew I was a bad mum, and I was doing housework at 2 in the morning so people would think I was coping. However it is really important you tell the truth, I left it till Seren was about 4 months, and it got pretty bad. I live 40 mins away from you, and if you ever needed a chat or someone to meet up with I am more then happy to do so (though understand if meeting a stranger is not what you want).

If I am honest I am so scared of the early days when this one arrives - but at least I know that eventually baby gets into a routine and life becomes normal again - though my house is still a complete tip (I no longer clean at 2am)

 

[missac]

aw, so sorry you feel this way but as a lot of the ladies have said it is not unusual! Sending you lots and lots of love and

 

[Freya]

Hi,

I can only add to what everyone else has said. Everything you have said seems normal to me. Unfortunately we feel that we are not allowed as a new mother to say how we feel in case people think we are 'bad' or 'unworthy or not coping', and this makes all new mothers feel that everyone is coping fantastically except them.

Things will get better and you will start to look forward to things again. remember if you do need to talk to someone there are lots of people to talk to including your doctor and health visitor and don't worry about talking to them as they will have heard your story many times before.

Take care and good luck. (BTW I felt like you and 5 years on and 2 children later I am considering having a third)

 

[Nic'n'Keeley]

 

[trixipaws]

aww, im sorry iv only just read this

im the same with some of the things u said- feeling like im rubbish at everything, kinda resenting my boyf going out 2 parties etc and i cant, and backache.

but urs sounds different definately, i think u may hav a touch of pnd. hav u discussed ur feelings with nat? he sounds nice & supportive so im sure itll help
also u should speak with ur HV or GP as well, if anything just to rule it out (pnd i mean)

hope u feel more positive soon hunny xxx

 

[Flame]

I know how you feel, i feel pretty much the same as you at the moment.



Never heard of a pnd screening though.

 

[leckershell]

Never heard of a pnd screening though.

It was this questionnaire thingy at 6 weeks or so.

http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/40002172/

I got 12 which was borderline and I'm going to be rechecked in 3 weeks time. But I know I wasn't entirely honest. I just did that online one honestly and got 16. The closer to 30 you are the more likely you are to have pnd. It's not gospel or anything but it's apparently what they use to check how you're doing.

 

[SarahH]

I never got one of those screening test things

 

[Flame]

I just got 18 Depression likely