I've been hiding a bit, need to explain why.

[katiejane]

Hi all,

So as the title says i've been in hiding, only commenting on posts every now and again over the past couple of weeks. I'm a bit ashamed of this if i'm honest because i've found you ladies a massive support. I've decided to come back with a full explanation and be honest about my feelings and fears.

I've done my first journal entry to full explain everything,
http://www.pregnancyforum.co.uk/pregnancy-journals/123601-baby-williams-last-couple-weeks.html
but in brief, as some of you will know I have SPD. I have been really struggling with it, which has surprised and disapointed me. I feel i've been a nightmare to live with, some days I can manage to do things, other days i'm in agony. I'm hardly sleeping and very fed up and grumpy with it. My minds gone in to overdrive, all the fears from tri 1 that I had about the pregnancy not being sucessful have come back with a vengence and i'm so worried something will go wrong i'm desperate for baby William to come asap (which i know is so selfish, i really do) but i'm so scared of loosing him and letting everyone down. I think this is all largely to do with lack of sleep but need to get it out there now and face my fears. I'm worried i'm already a bad mum.

Today I am 38+4 and have been having a few signs of progress, wednesday I started with contractions, just three short ones hours apart, but stronger and different to BH, then Thurs 3, Friday nothing at all, Saturday horrendous back pain, my painkillers didn't help, neither did a bath but no contractions. Then yesterday I had loads, they got as close as 2 hours apart (I know its still a long way off where it needs to be, but I felt it was progress) lasting 30 seconds, then at tea time stopped. I've had nothing since, not a single bloody niggle.

Saw MW and have managed to get appointment to see a consultant at the hospital on thur 24th which is my due date about organising either a induction or elective section, but prob induction. The only concern being my pelvis and William looking like he will be at least 8lbs so whether I can manage a natural birth. So to have a date has really helped me if that makes sense, just another thing to work towards, but MW said she really felt he'd be here before then. His head is at least 3/5ths engaged but perhaps more.

Sorry for the long post x

 

[evie_smith]

Awe Hun I hope you get a date soon and they will get him out soon because of your discomfort x x x

 

[mummynmummy2b]

Hey, Its completely normal to be up and down. I had SPD with my first and basically felt like my body was failing me so i understand you feeling they way you do. You will be a fab mum and if its any constolation when I was in labour i completely forgot about my SPD I was so taken over with everything else. Do you get any relief from being in the water? I know the buoyancy and heat really helped me and i was advised the people with SPD often cope well with water births xxx

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

awww sweetie it sounds like your having a rough ride

Your not crap or rubbish and in a few short days your going to have your wee baby in your arms and be wondering what all the worry was for

thinking of you muchly and sending you many hard-pelvis/floppy fanny vibes xxx

 

[evajo]

Don't be so hard on yourself - i snapped at the children today after such a lovely evening and felt horrible afer - it doesn't seem to take much to set me off these days and i was only thinking that i must sit down and explain properly why i'm so snappy! Pain and discomfort will make even a saint snappy, upset, moody and down so don't beat yourself up x sounds like things are well on there way for starting naturally so try and concentrate on having your babe in your arms, i'm sure everything will be fine and once you've had william your body will be yours again and you'll feel more human!

 

[katiejane]

Thank you so much, you've all made me feel so much better and daft for hiding for so long. Big bump, thanks for the vibes i really hope they work!

I have thought about waterbirth mummynmummy2b, but have started to think maybe i couldn't even cope with that, maybe I am being to hard on myself, it something i'd like if it was availible though. I just hope he comes naturally, before I see the consultant next week! Also thats exactly how i feel about my body, that its failing me, its wonderful to have people who understand how i feel, i thought i was going a bit mad tbh.

I'm glad i'm not the only one snapping, it makes you feel so bloody crap afterwards doesn't it.

xx

 

[evajo]

Yep - i'm usually so patient - but the thing i remembered most about my past pregnancies was my moods hehe - infact i took a test after loosing my temper with the deputy head at school i'm that bad. Things calm after tri 1 and then about this time get worse i think because everyting takes more time and effort!!! and to add to that there is so much to do x
If your worried about the birth i would recommend Ina May's guide to childbirth - i know you haven't got long but it might be worth giving the library a try - half of it is very inspiring and easy to read birth stories - based on natural birth xxx

 

[megsmeadow]

no need to be sorry for anything!! Just think, if we can put up with this much pain and discomfort before the birth, labour will be a breeze (and our pelvis's are already more roomy!!!).

 

[Sam's Mum]

No need to be sorry! I hope he doesn't keep you waiting too much longer x

 

[Tasha89]

Hope you start to feel better soon He'll be here before you know it and i'm sure you'll do just brilliantly Xx

 

[mummynmummy2b]

You will be fine mate honestly and sod it if you need an epidural then you need an epidural. No medals for being a martyr here!! sure you'll be absolutely fine love xxx

 

[Rowesb]

Hope you feel better soon, this is such a daunting time...

 

[Rosie's Mummy]

Don't be hard on yourself, its natural to have anxieties about being a mummy - you will be fine, its good that you have aired your feelings, its always helpful to share the load. Being in pain or discomfort makes things ten times worse, at the moment Im so tired and out of breath I feel like a useless cow! Be positive and have faith in your body, you are going to do a wonderful job

 

[ema-lou24]

always here for you hun when you need me, as mentioned abouve..your not a nutter, your a mummy xx

 

[katiejane]

Thank you, its times like this i really love this forum and you ladies on it, i've been lucky to meet some wonderful kind people on here that i intend to stay in touch with. I feel much better today though after getting it all off my chest last night and am just keeping my fingers crossed that he'll make a move before the 24th, when i'm due to see the consultant xx

 

[ria__x]

aw hun no need to apologise for writing the way you feel! will you hell be a bad mum - the fact that you're questioning it already shows you're a GOOD mum because you're so worried! you're not selfish for wanting him to come early, just being a normal pregnant woamn, but you have it hard due to your SPD so i'm sure anyone else in your situation would feel the same! i hope you're ok hun, i sent you a longer message about this so that's why this reply is short and sweet. but hang in there hun! xxxx