What should I believe? HELP!!!!

[emmyloves]

Well here is my situation on this thread - http://www.pregnancyforum.co.uk/relationships/244881-its-me-isnt.html

I would say read the thread above first before reading this so you understand what the situation is

So here's like an update!!! *WARNING - this going to be long* sorry :/

Last night me and the father had a long chat over text and he basically said in his words ''Being a dad scares the s*** out of me, I will fail, I just think I would make him a bad person'' - ''I do want to be in his life, I've always wanted to be in his life I really do, I can't just leave him, I can't do that, I would never forgive myself, I know what its like not to know a parent and it really sucks''

He told me about his childhood he was physically abused by his mum, she would lock him up in small cupboards a week at a time, hit him, starved him etc.. Which I new a bit about but not the full extent, it makes me sad to think that happened to him.

He kept saying sorry to me, like every text, he normally does this when his drunk and he said ''You know I always say sorry to you and I'm normally drunk yeah? Well i'm sober now! And I'M SORRY em I really am.

He said I'd be an amazing mum because I said I will be rubbish he said ''Em you are not gonna be a s*** mum, look how excited you are about being a mum, I know you want this so much, and you would do anything to keep it safe and healthy and loved. You will be an amazing mum Emmy''

He asked me ''Do you think i'm crazy honestly? Even a little bit? I really want you to tell me the truth, I want to know the truth, please don't lie, do you think I have problems, I promise i'm not going to be mad at you for saying yes I promise, please be honest''

I told him ''I've never thought you were mad or anything your a person whose had a rough time and has a few problems but hey who bloody doesn't in this world I swear I do not think your mad you just have a few problems but look how far you've come in the past year anyway I am proud of you to be honest, I really am''

He said ''There are some things about my mental health that I ent told no one, not even my dad and I want to talk about it, it scares the s*** out of me like I'll think of something like something really disturbing and then I'll snap out of it and be like 'woah wtf, what did I just think' that and sometimes I'm like what if I am crazy what if I actually do what I just imagined which I really wouldn't ever want to do and it really scares me em but i can't tell anyone about it, if you knew what the thoughts were em. I pray that I never end up doing anything like it I can't tell you how much it scares me, makes me cry sometimes''.

He then told me about his drug habit and that he thinks his getting addicted to a drug called ''meow meow' and told me not to tell anyone and not to judge him he said....
''This drug is fucked up em its got like plant fertilizer and s*** in, I tried it like 3 months ago and love the effects, I'm not seriously addicted like i'll buy 4g I will sniff all that in like 4 hours but I will crave more but I can kind of control myself and be like no that's enough for today I accept that its enough but then the next day I just cant wait to get some more but obviously cause I do it most days its taking more and more each time to get the effects that I want. I really don't want to get dependent on it em it can really fuck your brain up, I'm gonna try and ween myself off it I think, cause I think if I try stop it straight away like that I would go crazy so maybe buy less and less each time, what do you think''.

I said ; ''Yeah i think that's a good idea and think it would benefit you. You don't need drugs to make you happy, you really need to get off that shit, you know I can't have you around Josh if you've taken that don't you''.

he said ; ''Em I would never take it around him, I would never take it if I knew I was coming to see him I promise you that em, I swear on josh's life.''

I asked him if we could face time but he said he's sniffed that drug and he didn't want me to see him in that state, he said he was pretty high and he was twitching and grinding his teeth and biting his lip

I asked ; ''your not just saying you want to be a part of Joshua's life cause its the drugs talking like with the drink and your gonna say something different cause that's what normally happens''

He said ''This drug makes you tell the truth em, its weird, I swear to god it does''

So what do I believe, last week he was dead set on not being a part of Joshua's life and this week he really wants to, what next week? is it the drugs talking like the drink? Can I trust him if he see's Joshua and he says he hasn't taken anything when he properbly has. What if he was one of those spur of the moment thoughts and hes Joshua and actually does something? What do i do? Or am i overreacting? Am I just paranoid???? HELP!!!

 

[Loula]

id take it with a pinch of salt. if u want him to see baby supervise him. only you know x

 

[Hayley1608]

no offence but i wouldnt let anybody around S, Even her dad if i thought there was a risk he was on drugs

 

[Jayjay027]

I wouldn't believe a word he said until 1) he was able to say it sober and 2) he was able to prove it with actions!!

Meaow meaow doesn't make u tell the truth, its not some sort of truth serum, its a VERY dangerous illegal substance that can mess ur head up for a very long time!! My cousin almost lost her life taking it, and literally almost killed my aunt as a direct result of the effects it had.

I wouldn't have anyone near me or my child while they are taking any sort of drug. And I'd need A LOT more evidence from him that he's gonna step up!

Sent from my BlackBerry 9800 using Tapatalk

 

[Rednursie]

That drug is absolutely awful Hun. It causes really severe comedowns and can make the happiest person feel depressed in the days after theyve taken it. Anybody with mental health problems should not touch it. I would not be advising him to wean himself off it, simply cutting it out altogether. There are no withdrawals to worry about. I really hope he can manage without it and then start to get himself sorted to be a dad. All the best Hun, I'm sorry your going through this x

 

[Sammyxo]

I'm sorry but with an innocent baby on the way you cannot be around someone who takes drugs. Everything he said to you was in a drugged up state, as nice as it was that he told you he doesn't want to abandon you both/thinks you'll be a great mum - it takes someone saying that SOBER (and I mean clean of drugs too) for you to believe it. The fact he couldn't even face time you because he was so out of it is not cool either.

He needs to grow up and prove he can be a respectable father figure to your child. Do you want your child being influenced by things like this? He had a rough childhood but if he doesn't want the same for his baby he needs to clean his act up and be in his childs life.

My boyfriend only smokes normal cigarettes but I told him to quit as I didn't want my child growing up around drugs thinking it's okay, no matter what drug it is so he has quit as he knows the consequences if not.

 

[Kayelle]

As an outsider with no emotional part I can say no I wouldn't let this guy see my baby until there is evidence of him staying away from drugs. Does he realise drugs will make his problems worse? He shouldn't keep the things he feels a secret, he needs to tell a doctor so they can help. I would be worried by what he says he thinks he might do, as an outsider again it can be disturbing. My mother had issues and snapped one day due to illness and I had to stop her from choking my father. It was only the once, and she is not like that it was the illness but she has strict medication now. But it only takes one time. I'm sorry but you need to be 100% sure of your babys health and well-being.
Good luck with everything x

 

[xshauna_bazx]

Sorry but i wouldn't have him anywhere near the baby until hes stopped taking the "plant food" Its very dangerous. People round here were dropping down dead at one point... he needs to grow up and get a grip hes gonna be a dad. I really don't see the point in drugs they are disgusting and would never let my child near anyone who took them. He needs help to get off it... i'd give him an ultimatum, get him help and see what happens. Hope you get it sorted. x

 

[Leah04x]

I agree with all the other ladies..
Even though it's easy for us to look on to a situation and not be emotionally involved, you + your baby deserve more than this..
I'd just take it as it comes, but there's no way on earth that I would consider him playing a part in LOs life until he's sober/clean + there's proof he's taking the right steps to get his life on track!
Wishing you all the best xx

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Drugs aside he's confessed to disturbing thoughts and he's scared he will act on them that alone would scare the crap out of me! He needs serious help! Taking drugs really isn't going to help I'm sorry but how stupid is he to take drugs while he's hearing voices etc??
Seriously don't let him near your baby until he has professional help!! Yes he's been thru alot but clearly it's left him with mental problems!!
I pray to god he gets help ASAP!! Just because he has a job doesn't mean he is fit and well..

 

[AndreaJayne]

Hey Hun sorry to hear your problem, I think being around him when he has had drugs whether it be u and the baby, it's dangerous for u both so maybe see him in a public place do nothing could happen. I think he is stuck in a rut and taking a path many who had his life will go down. He does need to change and get help but I think if u aren't there to support him he will fail nobody has ever been there for him or cared I feel that you, your live for him and the baby are enough to get him out of the dark place. I think your responses to him we're calm and you are doing great keeping things together but u need to also make sure u take care of yourself xx