is it selfish??

[rosiewalker33]

Hi everyone, sorry if your in the same situation as me, was just wanting your opinions please as it really is comforting to talk to people in the same boat...

9/10/12- 8bfp-
16/10/12- 2 bfn and the start of a heavy bleed... Docs confirm early MC

Obviously heartbroken but all i can think of is TTC again, is this selfish?

and

How will my cycles work now? will this be classed as my AF and will i ovulate as normal...

any opinions and advice will be valued xxx

 

[CARNAT22]

Hi hun,

Firstly sorry for your loss.

I had an early loss last September (it was my second miscarriage) and we had our 3rd BFP the following cycle. So I did ovulate straight away [I wasn't even using OPK's!]. Sadly that ended in early loss as well... I am sure it was just coincidence BUT I do wish I'd waited.

I totally understand you want to get on with TTC but personally I'd take a month out and let things settle down.

Best of luck

xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[rosiewalker33]

Thank you and so sorry to hear that.

That is my biggest fear, I know il be worrying as soon as i see another bfp but its so hard not to ttc when its what we want so much...

I guess my body will do whats right in the end

xxx

 

[JJ Mum]

I'm so sorry XX

I had a 12 week mmc and then tried straightaway before my next period, and I'm pretty sure I didn't ovulate that month. I caught the next month luckily and all was well.

I actually didn't feel better in myself till I started ttc again, It gave me back the focus and some control, that I was in charge and helping

Good luck to you XX

 

[MrsGriff]

Gosh you're certainly not selfish!!!
Only you know how you feel so make sure you're ready before you ttc again. A month out might be good for you, but then again not. YOUR decision xxxxx

 

[BunnyN]

Was so sorry to hear your news. I had a chemical pregnancy in the summer. The pregnancy wasn't planned but I was so upset that my husband said we should TTC. I said I didn't want a baby I wanted that baby but I couldn't get over the feeling of an empty space and I was terrified of reaching what would have been my due date without being pregnant again. Physically the CP didn't have a huge impact on me but I decided to wait for a couple of months to decide to TTC so I could recover emotionally. However we were a bit careless once 10 days after my period and I ended up pregnant on the very next cycle! I passed the next month welling up in tears every time I saw a baby or a pregnant woman, it turns out I was already pregnant for half that time and didn't know it yet! I must admit the whole thing was such a roller coaster by the time I got my BFP I was emotionally exhausted and a bit neurotic about another MC for the next couple of weeks so more time might have helped.

Although I still feel sad about what I lost I wouldn't change what happened because if I had stayed pregnant then I wouldn't have had this baby and now I want this baby so much, still that makes me feel guilty like I didn't care about the last one. I think with a MC you go through so many feelings, feeling guilty is just one of them but really it is just a sign you care about the baby you lost, if you didn't care you wouldn't feel guilty. It is unfair that you lost this baby but it isn't selfish to want another one. There are mothers that already have children and are desperate for another baby, it doesn't mean they don't love the children they have. You just want a baby, that is natural and there is nothing wrong with that. If you could have the one back that you lost you would do anything but you can't so you have to try for another one.

It's completely personal when it's right for you to start TTC again but many woman start right away and find it gives them something positive to focus on. From a medical point of view different doctors will give slightly different answers about when you should start trying again. With a later MC it can be wise to wait a while for your body to recover. With a very early loss it has much less impact on your body, some doctors may suggest waiting a cycle others will say its fine to start right away. In my case my 'period' was only slightly late and I did not bleed heavily so I think to my body it was more or less like a normal period.

I didn't get my next period but some women find that their next period is a week or two late and a bit heaver and more crampy but then things should go back to normal, other women go back to their normal cycle right away. Some people say you are more fertile soon after a MC because your body is still geared up for pregnancy, lots of women do seem to get pregnant in the next couple of months after a MC. I hope you get your BFP soon.

 

[rosiewalker33]

sorry guys not been on for a while, thank you all for your kind words and support, me and my OH have both agreed we want this more than anythoing and are TTC again straiight away FX for good news all round xxxx

 

[leesey]

sorry guys not been on for a while, thank you all for your kind words and support, me and my OH have both agreed we want this more than anythoing and are TTC again straiight away FX for good news all round xxxx

Good on you, it's good that you're feeling positive again.

If we hadn't continued ttc straight after mc, we wouldn't have our little girl today. I suffered from several early losses in a row, and thought at my last bfp that I'd lost that one too, but low and behold the little minx was giving mummy the first fright of many and in fact went on to become a happy and healthy little girl.

Today's my birthday, and it was this time last year that I had my last miscarriage. If I'd given up hope then we'd have missed out on our special little princess.

So never give up, take that from my multiple losses with a very happy ending xx

 

[carrieanne]

Hi Rosie, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm in a fairly similar situation, mmc at 10 weeks in january this year and decided to wait a little while, took 9 months (10 cycles) to get another bfp but this time I'd been using OPK's as my cycles were all over the place. my shortest was 10 days and the longest 40, I was on the button of 28 days for the 1st 3 after the mmc and then I found it near impossible to judge so started the OPK's.

Sadly another mc at 6 weeks this time and while that was only on sunday last week that I knew I'd physically had an mc, I am not waiting for any lenght of time this time.

I'm emotional and moods are all over the place due to how much I wanted both babies and I have baby envy with anyone with children and worse with bumps but me and OH want a baby so badly.

My younger sister has been with her OH for about 15 years and they are getting IVF this month which is breaking my heart as they hadn't bothered with it for so long (9 years of no contraception, a split and then a reconciliation) and now it looks like she will have a baby before me, I feel wretched that I am jealous of her but I know it's the irrationality of how I am feeling. I don't know how many times I've thought to myself "you can't miss something you never had" which is horrible but again I know it's my inner voice opening it's mouth.

As everyone else has said, only you can decide what is right, I wish I'd tried sooner that last time as apparently you are the most fertile right after an mc.

Keeping everything crossed for you and hope that we both have a keeper soon.

take care xx