am i being selfish

[Gruntie2]

Since being pregnant.. it seems that my whole life has changed... nothing is the same... (which i don't mind at all)... am i being selfish to my hubby in the following examples.

1. Normal Friday nite out at the pub... we used to drink about 8 pints each ... i get tired after hes had about 5 or 6.. am i selfish in saying i want him to come home
2. Sunday nite - his nite out with the lads.... he goes out for 3 or 4 pints.. usually ends up home just after 11pm... am i selfish making him come straight to bed (usually he plays his xbox til after 12 - but he keeps me awake and i need as much sleep as possible)

He doesn't understand why i need to sleep so much.... Saturday.. i spent all day cleaning up the house and got it very very neat and tidy... yesterday i was totally knackered and didn't get to help much decoratin the house.. i think he was a bit miffed with that.... ?? how do i get through to him that for the next 5 months... i will be tired, krankie and emotional???

 

[Urchin]

I'd say number 1 is normal, but number 2 is a little bt selfish cos surely he can go to bed whenever he likes?
If he wants to stay up and play the X-box, tell him to buy a decent pair of headphones.

By the way, I'm gonna move this to "Ask a Mum" thats where preggy ladies can ask their questions Hope thats OK.

 

[lisa&alex]

ive been told of a good book, dont know the exact name but its something like pregnany for blokes, or a blokes guide to pregnancy..i dont think ur being selfish, perhaps ask him if he plans to do the friday and sunday night thing once baby comes? if he says no, then say well i think we can go out friday evenings but i dont want to go out every friday just every now and again perhaps..i think its good to have a bit of a break, i often go to bed by myself now, im usually ready to go up about 9ish..alex stays down and plays his games till about 10-11ish then comes up..maybe u should ask him to cut his sunday nights down to get ready for the baby.. after all it will be here in about 20ish weeks..he should get into the routeen now, if anyones being selfish its him tbh...

 

[puppylove]

O dear im sorry ur feeling like this i do think mayb on the friday nite he could go home with ya when ur ready as he goes out again on the sat nite but mayb he could do something different when getting home and not play the xbox as it keeps u awake, mayb he could watch a dvd r something, think u need to explain again to him that u will b tired as ur having a baby and ur horomones r all over the place making u krankie, hope u get sorted take care dont try cleaning the house all in one day as it will not help u with ur tiredness,

 

[Gruntie2]

i only ask him to come to bed as its not the xbox that keeps me awake.. its the noise he makes when he comes to bed.. I'm up at 4:30am... hes not up til 6am.... i just can't last a 12 hr day at work on just over 4 hrs sleep..... - while hes out i go to bed at 10... but awake when he gets home... i'm such a light sleeper which i can't help
no don't mindmoving topics

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

Maybe hes just finding it a bit harder to adjust than you are, afterall your the one with the baby growing inside you and all the lovely symptoms that come with it, whereas he isnt physically feeling any different so maybe doesnt understand why HIS routine has to change. I think its a pretty normal (tho annoying) reaction for men.

Maybe you could offer a compromise and suggest that he goes out with his friends on a saturday instead so that you dont have to worry about getting up for work the next day, and you go out together on the friday as normal but on "wait and see how you feel" basis - ie if your tired and dont think you will last very long you stay in and watch a dvd with a takeaway and some cans of beer for him?

Just a suggestion, but he needs to understand things are GOING to change, but he also needs to feel that you are willing to compromise so that he is too.

 

[kimmumof2]

i think its a bit of both. on some occasions you are not being selfish at all, however whilst you are moaning at him becus he isnt considering your feelings and how you feel during pregnancy, you in turn also need to consider him. men dont feel like we do during pregnancy, they dont feel the immediate connection, the intense worry, all the changes that happen. they can sometimes feel very left out at not being able to bond with the baby and then on top of that havin a GF/Wife who now does nothing but moan about her body since she got pregnant and how she feels. it is overwhelming for them to see us changin both physically and emotionally like it is for us to experience it. i would talk to him about how your feelin and try to get him to explain how he is feelin and then compromise. i think you have every right to come home earlier if your tired but the bed early issue is something you need to work on to suit you both.

im sorry your feelin really tired hun but it does ease a bit during the weeks 21-29 and you will have an energy boost. i hope you and OH get sorted becus this should be a time to bring you closer and you need to work together to make it special for both of you.

good luck

xxxxx

 

[frangelle]

sounds like my other half

 

[enn]

i was just wondering would u be by any chance getting some kind of post natal?

i agree tell him to get a headset then u can sleep he can stay up play his xbox or whatever hes got. i know what noise is like and a nightmare when u wanna sleep and cant.

im a light sleeper and its taken me 4 1/2 years to get through to my oh that i cant sleep with noise. now hes got it through to his parents cause we have a lo now. id let you partner have quality time on xbox as long as he wears headset or something so he can have his time on his own and u can too cause he may not get time to spend much time on it when baby arrives. this way u get sleep/rest and relaxed ready for labor.

 

[Gruntie2]

He has quality time on his xbox.. he plays it 2 hrs nightly and all day saturday.... up til like 3am saturday morning...
anyway.. its not his xbox that keeps me awake.. its when he comes to bed.. he makes so much noise it wakes me up then it takes me ages to get back to sleep..
I think i compromise enuff with him.. i get up at 4:30am.... to avoid waking him up and dry my hair and get ready down in the living room.... why can't he compromise and come to bed early so i can sleep....

 

[enn]

true hun know how u feel. im very quiet when i get out of bed especially when i was pregnant . when he comes to bed or got up for work he'd be noisy and wake me up. well his alarm wouldnt wake me then it takes ages for me to sleep again.

it will be better when baby has arrived and u can get some much earned sleep. but really u need to get this sorted out for your sake when u go into labor your gonna need sleep.

 

[FeeFee]

Can he not sleep on the sofa when you have to get up early and he wants to stay up?

 

[Gruntie2]

its ok all other nites..... hes knackered from work during the week so always comes to bed at a reasonable hour... its just Sunday nites.. i could always resort to sleeping the the spare room on sunday nites.. but i like sleeping with my hubby by my side....

 

[Anna B]

It sounds like you need to ask him to be quieter when he comes to bed. You get ready for work in the living room, can't he undress etc there too? then all he has to do is open and close the bedroom door, and get into bed, surely he can't make that too noisy??!