Who is selfish??

[scaredmum2be]

Can you tell me who is being selfish when ive written this me or OH?

I got offered a job and yes im 12 weeks but i had hopes that if i managed to get a job i could help myself being independant aswell as supporting the baby which to me i felt its a good idea although i had to turn it down because my OH would of had a right go at me an i did ask him why he wanted me to turn the job down he said that because he's claming incapacity benefits and income support (suppose to be for me) but my income support goes to all the bills so with me moaning about wanting my own money hes slowly giving me soe but sounds like he doesnt like giving me any money.

So because hes on benefits he doesnt want me to get a job because it will effect him, He calls me selfish i only wanted to provide for LO and not sponge off benefits an hes made me feel guilty that ive not looked for work since weve been together i did have a job when i met him but he said to quit as he could provide for me :'( so why am i the one that has to feel guilty what have i done wrong i only wanted a job.

Please be honest if i am selfish can you tell me i would rather know but i am feeling so miserable right now x

 

[Toonlass]

I don't think your selfish for wanting to work at all. I can't imagine not having a job, its my financial and mental security lol You enjoy going to work hun and let him wallow at home xx

 

[Mervs Mum]

You're definitely not being selfish - he is.

 

[babydust2010]

i agree with toonlass huni. u can do what eva u want if u dont ur only goin to resent ur OH later because of it. having a job gives u time and space to urself and also gives u ur own identity aswell i love goin to work as it gives me a rest from my OH and LO ha x

 

[scaredmum2be]

the answer to going to work im not allowed to because he said he would claim on his own and that i would have to move out if i want a job i already do resent him but ive got no where else to go my family wont have me as they keep an eye on how many ppl live there housing association so cant stay there.

why would he chuck his wife out and unborn child out all because i want a job he didnt say he would chuck me out but id have no choice but to leave because he wants to claim for money. And if i had got a job he wouldnt keep me here anyways, He blames things on me he says things like he left work because of his depression an that i put it all on to him ive not done anything wrong.

He always makes me feel so miserable ive tried telling him im not happy we argue he blames things on me when i think he is being selfish. If i got a job id be selfish!! x

 

[scaredmum2be]

Everything i say is wrong. He says i have to be paitent until his pysciatric thing hes on the waiting list to get his brain sorted but in the mean time i will get depression but he says i got to be paitient on looking for work wtf lol!!! he makes me laugh x

 

[Toonlass]

He has no right to give you an ultimatum like that!! Once baby is born you guys might even be better off with you working, you will get all your tax credits and child benefit. Maybe look into it before you turn down any job offers. Gather the information and present it to your OH. Good luck xx

 

[Mervs Mum]

He sounds like a real winner....dont be held back hun.

 

[scaredmum2be]

hes getting help towards his mortgage he doesnt want to work unless he really has to hes a right lazy so and so xx

 

[Mervs Mum]

Good role model eh?

 

[scaredmum2be]

Good role model eh?

I thought this to but least i know when the baby goes to nursery an i want the money i will get the best for my child. i hate being on benefits and i wish i had never given up my first job but saying he'd provide for me by being on benefits is not the answer although he says hes claimin back what he used to earn from working i forgot what they call it tax or something, He's such a sponge. I cant wait to work if im ever allowed work. x

He sed the child can be brought up the way he was i will not allow that because i want our child to know that going to work an provide for his family when he gets older is a better way than spending time sitting on his bum on benefits.

I would even like my child to go uni eventually but the way my hubby is my kid has no role model an i feel terrible

 

[Mervs Mum]

I mean he's not a good role model....

 

[Jorji]

Don't feel terrible it's nothing you've done wrong, he can't tell you what to do! Your child only needs one good role model and that's yourself!

It sounds like you're really good to him and understanding, he needs to be the same for you too, don't let him hold you back. You really could end up better off working these days with working tax and all sorts... and anyways by the time your eldest child's a certain age ( i can't remember how old) you'll be forced by the government to go back to work anyways. What would he do then?!

Good luck hun xx

 

[FebMum2Be]

Hun I really wouldn't stand for this.. Like one of the girls said, gather the information about the job and let him know how you feel about everything.. x

 

[katietateypot]

You are definately not selfish, he is!
Do not be told what you can and can't do. if you want a job then i think you should get one.
With whats going on i think you are very lucky to have been offered a job and your OH should see that. ( no disrespect by that!)

I think the other girls are right, look into the pros and cons first with your OH and show him that working will not be as bad as it could seem. See whats best for both of you and your baby before you make a final decision.

Hope your ok hunni

Katie xx

 

[scaredmum2be]

I feel so drained with arguing and i cant stress with the baby but i'll still look for work.
Ive not had a decent nights sleep in a few days so rather me arguing im soooooo guna enjoy my sleep tonight lol.
cant wait to eventually get a job. thanks ppl xx

 

[Mervs Mum]

You sound like you've got the right idea hun. You can be a good role model to your LO even if he cant

 

[Piglet10]

if hes claiming and has listed you on a joint claim and you come off it his benefits would be halved... and you would be expected by the government to contribute to half of all bills out of your wages so from his point of view he prob thinks you would be working for free BUT the rewards, self confidence, social life etc that you would get from working would be worth it. and you wouldnt be worse off financially he would esp if hes not giving you half of the benefits which your entitled to.

if you go from incapacity to workin in order to get maternity allowance and all that jazz you need to be working 16 weeks of your preg. so if you do want to work get a job soonio

if i was you i would go back to work ... if he doesnt like it leave...i think if he thought you would leave he wouldnt be long in changing his tune!! he shouldnt have a family if he doesnt want to help provide for them . well done you for applying tho just have as much strength next time your offered a job GL xx