Is anyone else in the same boat??

[Julia]

Hi Girls,

I wrote a number of weeks ago to say that throughout my pregnancy and after having the baby my DH's sex drive is non-existent (with me anyway!! I know he looks at porn - like many men, which I don't mind). We have had a talk about this and he says that he could not imagine having sex with me and then seeing me kiss our daughter later on...which I could sort of understand. ANYWAY...my daughter is now six months and we have had sex TWICE...he has admitted that he has a problem and is trying to sort it. He says that not having sex has become a habit which he has to try and break. When we have sex it is the same old things we do, which can be boring. We never have a good old snog, oral sex is out of the window!!!! WHAT IS HAPPENING?????? I am getting really aggressive and frustrated with the whole thing!!! He says he still fancies me and really loves me......IS THIS SORT OF PROBLEM USUSAL AFTER HAVING A BABY??????? PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE BEFORE I DO SOMETHING I REGRET!!!

Julia xx

 

[budge]

oh dear. im afraid ive not experienced this before.

it sounds like the whole pregnancy and birth thing has totally put your hubby off. He perhaps sees you differently now.
Have you tried making things a little bt different for him in the bedroom? Maybe wearing some sexy underwear or changing your hair style or something.? Can't you watch a porn film with him and see if that helps.

im sorry if im givnig you crap advice

If you are really upset with it try talking to your doctor and see if he/she might be able to suggest something. It might be a common issue with new parents and some simple councelling could overcome it.


in the mean time get a vibrator and enjoy that.

 

[Kas]

Hhi Julia no I didnt have that problem with my OH, yes he watches porn as well but hes never mentioned anything about kissing Kaiden, after weve had sex (god ive never thought of it that way). If anything he has become more sexualy active since having him if that was possible. I hope you guys can sort something out, and yes invest in a rampant rabbit, and hopefully that wil give him the urge to sort his hang up out. XkelX

 

[Miracle babe]

I think the fact you've talked about it and he's admitted there is a problem is a very positive step. I tend to agree with Budge that maybe he views you in a different light after seeing you as a mother and you need to remind him you are also a woman. Maybe its time to try and get a bit more adventurous in the bedroom. You could send him a few sexy text messages throughout the day just to wet his appetite and then arrange for your daughter to either be in bed or even have a sleep over with grandparents. Cook his fav meal followed by a sexy dessert like strawberries and champagne. I few silk scarves and a bit of light bondage never did anyone any harm either, basically you need to really rev it up a few notches and suprise him.


God I sound like a bloody nympho

 

[budge]

you bloody well do miracle babe! im ready for anything after reading that


what my hubby likes is if i actually take the dessert up to bed and eat it off his tummy or something
He particularly like pavlova!

 

[Miracle babe]

you bloody well do miracle babe! im ready for anything after reading that


what my hubby likes is if i actually take the dessert up to bed and eat it off his tummy or something
He particularly like pavlova!

PMSL I should just point out that I had to go on a waiting list for reconstructive surgery after having my DD so it was a case of we either came up with some more creative ways of being intimate or there would have been nothing and everyone needs some loving

I could PM you some decent websites

 

[budge]

there you go julia!

 

[Julia]

Thanks for your advice girls - I do think that it is a positive thing to admit on his behalf that there is a problem. We are both quite stubborn people which doesn't help!

My sex life with my DH when we first met was FAB! We did all sorts! But I have to be honest, I can't imagine doing it again (which is really sad). I am affraid of rejection and feeling silly - otherwise I would try a rev it up in the bedroom. On the other hand - I've got nothing to loose!!

My Mum and Dad are having our baby on Friday night for the whole night and we are going out for a few drinks - so hopefully with some dutch courage things may happen (as long as we don't get too drunk).

On a serious note - I have already threatened an affair in a moment of anger - which seemed to have a little bit of an effect BUT I think it may be a dangerous game to play...

I don't think he is having an affair - I can't imagine it. I think if he was I would be very surprised because that would mean that he still wants sex with a real woman and not just a picture!!!! He could not hide an affair in a million years!!!! Perhaps it would do us good in a kniky kind of way!!

Thanks for your replies - ANY MORE WELCOMED WITH OPEN ARMS!!!!

Julia xxx

 

[hearts81]

Hiya your OH sounds like me lol. I've totally gone off sex since getting pregnant. Can probably count on my fingers the amount of times we've done it in the last year.

I think that your OH has got so used to pleasing himself that he doesn't feel like he needs anything else (thats kinda my problem too ) The only suggestion I have is having a talk with him and asking if he can hold off playing with himself for a whole week or longer and see how he feels then. You may find that once he's got out of the habit he'll be back to normal. But it'll be hard to tell if he's sticking to it unless your with him 24/7.

Not great advice though sorry

 

[Dee1985]

my OH was like it while i was preg, although now its the opposit i think he has issues with wanting it to much... (twice a day) i am like your OH though i have noooo sex drive

 

[Cat&Noah]

Perhaps getting in touch with an organisation such as Relate could help, they do couples councelling and are probably very experienced in dealing with this sort of problem. The fact your OH has admitted to how he feels indicates that he recognises a problem and would be up for dealing with it.

 

[Julia]

Thanks Hearts 81 and Dionne,

You are right, Hearts 81 - maybe if he could stop amusing himself things may start happening. I read on a website last night that if a man plays with himself instead of having sex then testosterone levels are used up by masturbating and they no longer have the urge because testosterone levels are lower....

He also does alot of exercise - everyday a hour and a half run - I know for a fact that he "relieves" himself before because then he is not destracted by anything (we have joked about this when we were having an active sex life!)

I know that he sees me as a "mother" and he always brings me flowers and compliments me about what a good job I am doing with our little baby girl BUT BUT BUT I want RED HOT SEX every so often....

We were able to have sex last Sat morn when the baby was asleep - he always ejaculates and never fails to get aroused but it is just making him want it more often!!!!

Any more advice????

 

[fran_23]

i agree with everything the other girls have said, sometimes when men start seeing you as a mother instead of their lover it puts a mental block on them seeing you sexually aswell..its not that he doesnt fancy you or anything as you've said its just things have changed.

perhaps you could get a babysitter and get away overnight (doesnt have to be expensive..just a hotel or something) a change of scenery could help..go out somewhere new..have a nice meal, bit of wine and relight the fire so to speak..dont pressure yourselves it doesnt have to lead to intercourse..just enjoy each other as a couple again..hold hands, kiss etc..
and see where it leads

good luck hun x

 

[Julia]

Thanks Fran23,

We are having a night out without the baby on Fri BUT it is with friends (lots of). Nobody is staying over though and the baby is at my parents house for the night - so you never know! DH is a "morning glory" bloke so there is more chance in the morning. I would like to try when we are tipsy because inhibitions go a little!!


Keep the advice coming - I really appreciate it!! Helps alot!!
Julia xx

 

[Cat&Noah]

How about, pack the bubba off to a freind or relative for the night, make sure their are no toys or anything around to make him think of baby. And lie in wait for him to get home from work in some sexy outfit. It will get you turned on waiting for him, and plus if your insecure about your post baby body, so could wear something like a corset or baby doll to cover any wobbly bits and make you feel like a sexy goddess. Jump him as soon as walks in the door and make wanton love to him all night. If you take control and be the dominent one, it will make him forget about you as a mother and think about you as the dominatrix!

 

[Julia]

Thanks - that sounds like a good idea - I've got nothing to lose! Also wearing something a bit loser may help, like you said. I think I might give it a go on Friday. I will start searching my draws for sexy stuff - I will find them under the big knickers!!! He has bought me under wear years ago so I know he likes that (otherwise he would not have bought it!). I will wear that - I may even do it descreetly under my clothes I wear out for the night and reveal it to him when we are out.....thanks for the suggestions - really appreciate it!