Is anybody else's marriage suffering??? Please advise...

[Julia]

Hi girls,

Me and DH are both overjoyed beyond words with our gorgeous 3 month old daughter. She is a really good baby who sleeps all night and smiles her way through the day. BBBUUUTTT.....our marriage has never been so rocky. DH has still not come near me (sexually). He did not want to when I was pregnant and now he has not made any moves to say that he is interested (I will not make the first move because he has rejected me before). We spend our days snapping at each other (not infront of the baby). We always went out together but now he tries to find other people to accompany us. He shows me no affection what so ever. We are going on holiday tommorow (caravan in Newquay) so I am determined to sort it out...one way or the other. Is anyone else going through a similar thing? I really don't want to leave because of the baby but I think to myself that I only have one life and can't put up with this for much longer. I will try and discuss this with him when we are away but you know what men are like when it comes to discussing problems...

Julia xxxx

 

[Lucy]

Hi Julia

I know it's not very pleasant but I think it's quite common for this to happen to relationships when a little one arrives. Some of my friends that have children have told me they have been through very rocky times after their babies have been born, most of them said it was just after their first born - it was all the adjusting and the responsibility etc.

I will be honest and say that we've also found the change a bit adjustment but like you we are both besotted with our little girl and found that our relationship needs to adjust slightly to incorporate another person!

My advice is keep talking to each other and make sure you're both making an effort to retain some romance for yourselves.

I hope you have a wonderful holiday

Lucy

 

[skatty]

I haven't been in this position because our LO isn't born yet but my friend has warned me that this is common and I have to expect that our relationship will change.

I have no advice but just want to say have a lovely holiday and I am sure the change of scenery will do your relationship a world of good.

Sending you a hug x

 

[Julia]

Lucy and Skatty,

Thanks for your lovely replies - they have made me feel better (just knowing that others go through it!). We need time on our own, which I hope will happen on holiday. My husband is generally a good man, he buys me flowers and other little presents to show that he is thinking of me BUT I just feel that my role is just to be a mother. I have got nothing to lose by forcing him to listen to me...maybe after a few drinks he will tell me what the problem is and we can both adjust.......any more replies greatly appreciated xxx

Julia x

 

[Strangeness]

All relationships change on a first baby I would think, you've got to make room for a whole new person who needs you all the time. Men are like kids and crave attention so when a baby comes and takes up all the woman's time there is bound to be a bit of tension. Me and my dh argue more than we did before our son arrived because I think both of us do miss times when we just need to be alone but we adore our son. We've just started to take some time out every few weeks and we'll go for a meal or even just a drive just to talk and have a cuddle without our son. It's nice just to have those fews hours alone and stops the arguements for a few weeks.

 

[Julia]

Thanks strangeness,

Yes I agree, it is worth having "time out" so just the two of us can be together - BUT I don't even think he wants to be with me alone. We are going on holiday today which he has said that he is excited about so maybe that is what may break down some of the barriers we have both put up!

Julia xxx (If I don't reply it means I have gone away, but will be checking when I come back and hopefully thinking how silly my post was!!!!)

Julia xx

 

[nicki]

Hi hun,

I'm sure all relationships change due to babies coming along. I find i'm snapping at my DH more than I did but I think its down to being tired.

Give it time hun & i'm sure things will settle down . Having a holiday might reslove any problems you two have. Talk to your hubby about how you're feeling & go from there.

Enjoy your hols.

Nicki.xx

 

[Cat&Noah]

I know exactly where your coming from, after Noah was born OH and I had sex a total of once in the course of 6 months!
It caused us to be snappy and nasty to each other, and we drifted apart alot and it seemed like Noah was the only thing holding us together. In the end I sent him an email while he was at work, saying we needed to sort things out before its to late, so we had a long discussion about how we were feeling and from his point of view, he didnt want to rush me into things cause I had had a difficult birth, and also I had knocked him back in the past, which had lowered his self asteem and he felt I was no longer attracted to him, on my part, I felt ugly and frumpy after having baby and because he wasnt making moves on me I felt really unattractive. So we were in a vicious circle, but after talking we made a point of being more affectionate to each other and reasuring each other that we did indeed still love each other very much, and as a result our relationship is now the best it has ever been.
So my advice to you is to talk, tell him how your feeling and ask him how he is feeling and take it from there, the longer you go without talking about it the more alienated from each other you will feel.

Hope all goes well and you have a great holiday.