Is an only child lonely

[LD1978]

So I'm starting to come to the realisation my little girl will be an only. I took yonks to conceive her and after a mc last year nothing since

I know there's lots of positives to having one (eg we won't be as skint and can do more for her, we only have 2 bed house, life is easy with one etc) but one of my main drivers for having a second was a sibling for her. I hate to think she will grow up wishing for a sibling, being alone on holidays, having nobody when she's older etc. I know that as parents you do things to ensure that's not the case and I guess there's no guarantees siblings get on anyway.

Just wondering what only children's experiences are (as a parent or an only child adult)

I guess if that's the hand fate deals me I will make the most of it and I'm incredibly lucky to even have her just hope she's not missing out if we can't give her a sibling x

 

[Pumpkin9]

I'm an only child and I can honestly say I never felt lonely or like I wanted a brother or sister.

I had lots of friends who would come over or I would visit them and then I had my own time where either my parents would play with me or id do things by myself. I obviously got all of their attention and never had to share toys etc unless I wanted to and I got to go on all the school trips I wanted to whereas my hubbies parents couldn't afford that- so basically I had the best of what my parents could give me.

When we went on holiday I always found people to join in with, like other kids in the beach - I had a very happy childhood.

Just a side note, just because you have two children does not always mean that they get on or play together. My husband has a sister and he spent nearly the first 18 years of her life hating her for various reasons - they do get on now but they don't see that much of each other and they lead different lifestyles, so just because he had a sibling didn't make him any more or less lonely than an only child.

 

[Becky1]

I'm an only child and had s happy childhood. I won't lie there were times I thought it would be great to have a brother or a sister - mainly because everyone else did, only children weren't common round our way. I think these days only children are more common.

We went on holiday with another family who had 3 kids so I always had company, and I also had close friends.

What makes me sad now is that hubby only has a brother (who he gets on with but isn't close too) so DS only has one uncle and I find it unlikely he'll ever have kids so DS will prob never have cousins.

xx

 

[LD1978]

Thanks both. She will be competely loved and spoilt and has cousins so I hope she will have plenty of other children in her life.

Hopefully by some stroke of luck I'll get pregnant (and probably worry about not her having us to herself ha) but i can't help feel sad she may not experience growing up with a sibling x

 

[kumber]

I'm an only child and I was quite lonely as a teenager but I also had a great group of friends and I think it's helped me be more outgoing as I had no one to fall back on.

 

[Dotty_woman]

I'm sorry to hear it's taking a while Laura. Doesn't mean it will never happen though. Sometimes when you stop trying, that's when it happens. I'm sure your little one will be happy either way. If she doesn't have a sibling I'm sure she will still have plenty of friends that will hold a special place in her life. I wish you all the best for the future. xxx

 

[laurat]

I never thought that I would have an only child but after having to go through IUI to get my LO and all the heartbreak to get there Im over the moon to just have him. Ive got a lot of close friends with kids the same age and he is already around other children all the time so Im hoping he will never be lonely. As others have said siblings dontalways get on either so having another may not make them less lonely. Im happy to have his friends around all the time and Im thinking with one we can afford nice holidays and spoil him. Not obviously that we wouldnt do the same with 2 or 3.

 

[CARNAT22]

One of my dearest friends (I've known her for 20 years +) is an only child. She is one of the most balanced, kindest, selfless, fair, friendly people I know.

She does confess to missing having a sibling at points in her life but due to her age and fact she needed IVF to have her baby, she is happy for her child to be an only.

X

 

[LD1978]

Thanks dotty - I hope your right. I do try and relax but it's so hard to not think about it. How are you keeping?

I'm the same Laura and keep thinking we can give her the best and have a lovely life. It's not my first choice for her but I think only children are more common these days.

Thanks Nat. Your all helping me feel better. My mums and only and misses siblings in later life but like everyone says lots don't get on as adults anyway.

Xxx

 

[Orion]

I think as long as only children get attention from their parents - to play board games or whatever together - they don't miss siblings growing up.

The only thing that'd upset me is the thought of them being alone when I'm gone. I'm getting to an age where relatives are dying every year, and it's so nice to have my brothers and nieces and nephews. But I suppose you could create the same feel with friends you treat like family, godparents, cousins etc. just make extra effort with any extended family I suppose.

 

[littlemonkey]

Its something that you have absolutely no control over so I really wouldn't beat yourself up over whether or not your LO will be lonely. Your life is what it is, you can make the most of it to ensure your child has a happy childhood and has everything they want and need.

I am one of four and looking back on my childhood there are times when I feel like I would have benefited from more attention from my parents. It probably doesn't help I'm the middle child and my youngest sisters are twins. I'd never want a big family like my parents did, and I know my sister is happy with just the one child. A big family isn't necessarily better. My OH is one of four and doesn't speak to either of his brothers!

 

[Maid of Kent]

I come from a large family. I have 4 older siblings (one sadly has now passed) and a younger brother. I adore having siblings and have a special relationship with each of them. I could not imagine being an only child and strongly believe I would have hated it. Everyone is different though.

 

[Gillyboos]

I think if you know no different it won't be an issue. I don't think it's an issue anyway. I have a half sister who is 13years older than me but she lived with her mum, so I was essentially an only child. I never longed for brothers and sisters, I can remember wondering what it was like and perhaps thinking it would be nice. I was never lonely, did loads with mum and dad and when we were on holiday, I always made friends.
I was always quite independent and confident as a kid and I think that was spending plenty of time with adults.
We did discuss our son being an only child and we were happy for that to be the case and not our decision. X

 

[Pumpkin9]

Just on the adult front and being alone as people pass away - life is what you make it. I have a wonderful husband and so I have an extended family through him and now have a child of my own - whatever happens your child will be happy with or without a sibling, loving parents and other friends and family is enough for anyone so please don't worry about something that you can't control

 

[Belfa]

I am an only child and whilst I had friends over to my house almost every day and made friends easily on holiday etc, i longed for a sibling every day. Even someone to argue with would have been nice. Maybe it didn't help that my dad worked away and my mum was very career driven so I was looked after by a nanny who, although treated me as her own, was a bit older. I never got to play board games or do baking etc. No one taught me how to ride a bike.

As an adult, and although I am married and have a baby of my own, I feel lonely when it comes to the thought of having no parents some day.

I don't resent how I was brought up and that I was an only child at all, i just know that I want to raise my family differently. I needed fertility treatment myself therefore who knows if I will manage to conceive a sibling for my LO and if I don't, I know what to do to make sure he doesn't grow up with the same insecurities that I do x

 

[Kiagirl]

I am one of 4 but the only girl. My brothers are 11,9 and 8 years older than me. Growing up I was an annoyance and didn't really have much to do with them. They all joined the navy at 16 so from being around8/9 it felt like an only holdout with the hassle of them coming home sometimes. We have nothing in common except coming from the same gene pool, I haven't seen one since 2007 and see the others about twice a year and text to say happy birthday but that's it. So yes I'm from a big family but still was only own. I used to amuse myself and I was spoilt rotten and dad bought me a pony . I think my lo may be an only child, it doesn't bother me at all. Brothers just wipe bogeys on you and smell lol

 

[JD.Deedee]

I was more lonely post siblings than pre. I was 7 when my first sis come.

 

[LD1978]

Thanks all. A wide range of responses - i think a lot depends on your parenting so if we only end up with 1 I'm going to do my hardest to give her the best life and not feel lonely. Xx