in quite an awkward situation...any advice please??

[deedee84]

so my OH's 15 year old niece (16 in 3 weeks) is stoppin at mine tonight, we get on great and she confides in me over everything as i am easy to talk to! my OH is at his mums tonight so thats fine hes not here, but shes just done a pregnancy test here and its come up as a massive positive, she is 16 days late for af and has been taking the mini pill (obv not worked or she hasnt taken it correctly) I just dont know what to advise her, i said i would come to the docs with her if she wanted me to and i said the decision was hers not anyone elses but to be honest i am stumped in what to do or say for the best...anyone with any advice would be much appreciated

xx

 

[Lilelephant]

You've done the best thing hun. Let her know you r there for her

 

[deedee84]

ta hun she said her decision on what to do is based on her mum as she will be extremely mad, her mum had her when she was 16 and i guess she wont want her going down the same road as her, i just told her that it was her decision and to do what she thought was right for her, its just hard for me havin to keep this quiet from all my OH's family, i just dont want them to be mad at me if it all comes out :/ xx

 

[MrsKLloyd]

Such a hard situation, but try get her to talk to her parents so she has their support too. The poor girl sounds scared

 

[BabyBrain]

Hopefully her mum will remember how she felt telling her own parents, after the initial explosion that is. People surprise us sometimes and their reactions aren't always what we think they will be. No-one has to know she was with you when you did the test. She really needs to get telling her mum over and done with so they can talk about it and make the decision that's right for her.

Hope it goes ok for her bless her xxxxxxxxxx

 

[deedee84]

thanks ladies i know her mum and she can be a hard faced madam and to be honest my near on niece had been a little tear away for some time now, i think she will come down hard on her but just there and then, i think when the initial yelling etc has been let out i think she would be fine to talk about the situation then, i know her mum and nana will really blow at this one but your right, she does need to tell them, i live 12 miles from her and them so i cant be here to support her every single day, she needs someone closer to home too xx

 

[Maybe_mummy]

I would advise her to talk to her mum and maybe offer to go with her when she does that so she feels she has a little extra support. As you say her mum will be angry, shocked and upset but she will calm down eventually. I don't know if your have a Brooks advisory centre (like a family planning for teens) round near you? They will go through all her options in a unbiased way. Maybe talk to your OH and tell him and see what he advices to do in regards to telling the family?!

 

[Tara1985]

I agree with Babybrain, it must be SO difficult for you but the truth ALWAYS comes out so do right by your OH's neice but encourage her to confide in her mum, maybe say you will go with her? At least her mum can't say you kept anything from her if the truth comes out but you can step in if the situation gets out of control.

OR

What would your OH say? Maybe he can go with his neice to tell her mum as I assume it's his sister?

xxx

 

[deedee84]

i really cant tell my OH, he would kick off a hell of a lot more than his sister, he has already made things clear to her regarding her lifestyle choices eg boyfriends etc so deffo not a good idea telling him and asking for advice :/ although i wish i could as that would make things so much easier! She has gone to lie down on my bed now, dunno whether its shock, upset or what, i'm just leavin her be for a little while and when she comes down and i have put LO to bed as shes not daft and has been asking questions lol then we can have a proper chat and i will advise her to speak to her mum maybe, at least she knows she has me for support and i will willingly go with her to her mums if she wants me to! thanks everyone, this is helpin loads xx

 

[TaffyRose]

Bless you, it's lovely being a supportive Auntie but can also be emotional. Like the other girls say she needs to speak with her mum. It won't be easier but the longer she leaves it the worse it'll get. Love her, she's lucky to have you xxxx

 

[deedee84]

aww thanks taffy, im just grateful that she can confide in me about her personal stuff as she cant with her family so thats good! gonna have a chat with her later and see what she thinks re talking to her mum xx

 

[keepontrying]

A toughie! You say you cannot tell anyone but if she decides to keep the baby then i would offer to do it with or for her. Afterall you can tell your OH when she is not around and talk him down and tell him that she really does need a friendly ear right now.

Also maybe you could go and tell her mum too - if she decides not to keep the baby then you need to make sure she gets some independent counseling to make sure she is doing it for the right reasons, discuss whether she would like for you too discuss the abortion with her mum so that she can have the emotional support she needs and then I would remind her mum how hard this is for her daughter.

The last thing you want is an irate Oh and his sister giving you what for because you took his niece / her daughter for an abortion behind their backs!

Definitely being a mediator here will help - good luck x

 

[deedee84]

thanks hun, all very valuable advice so glad i have you lovely ladies to chat to i think i would have gone mad otherwise xx

 

[deedee84]

Right just a quick update on the situation, i spoke to OH's other sister about half hour ago and told her about her niece i asked her to tell my nieces mum and that i didnt want any kicking off as she is terrified, OH's mum jus rung me and asked me to put her on so i did she was in tears bless and i have their word that they will not kick off as her mum was in the same situation when she was 15 so she understands how scary it is, at least now i feel more at ease that she will get the full support of her family and it wasnt so bad after all, all that worry, i have explained to my niece that i had to tell them as i couldnt guarantee i would be there for her every step of the way with livin quite away from her and that if they found out i knew we would both be in big trouble, shes fine about it i just hope she can still confide in me over other matters as i would hate to think that she feels she cant trust me :/

Thanks for all your advice and thoughts ladies, you have been fab xx

 

[BabyBrain]

If there's one person I need through this pregnancy it's my mum. And cos she is young she needs a responsible adult to be next of kin rather than some spotty teenage dad lol. Give her our love and we all wish her the best of luck xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[deedee84]

thanks babybrain, shes been none stop on the phone today to her mum and shes keeping it, her mum has said that there will be no holidays for a few years and that she will help out when shes at college but all other times its up to her and i think shes right my niece seems so much happier now that its all out in the open and that her mum is fine about her keepin it, she will have lots of support i'm sure, me being one and going through it all with her as shes only a few weeks in front of me bless her xx

 

[angelmma]

Glad she got it all sorted out, I got pregnant at 18 and there was no other option than to keep it, although my mum was so angry and disappointed in me for getting pregnant in the first place, but she came around and now dotes on my DD. Tbh having my daughter so young pushed me to make something of myself, and although Ive not been able to go travelling for a year like some of my mates I have got a good job and life, so u never know this baby could be the making of your niece Shes really lucky to have you chick xxx

 

[x_PlaceboDanii]

I can totally sympathise with how scared she must feel, i still havent told my parents im pregnant and im 22!, i can understand it is a daunting task breaking the news to your parents. But i think you've offered her the best advice you could so far, just let her know your there for her and that the decision is entirely up to her

 

[suzzi]

ah thats the best outcome for all in the situation so glad all are there to support her.

i go through this alot with work and the girls confide in us and we have to tell parents and it can get very ugly at times x

well done you x x x

 

[deedee84]

thanks suzzi, ive spoke to the family since thursday and it seems my OH's niece is now undecided, but at least she has her mum and nanna now to help her and talk to so i feel much more better now that its not all on me, might sound selfish but i think thats what she needs is immediate family support (even though i have been around since she was 4) xx