Im so upset all the time.

[redbear]

Sorry is this is long and thanks for reading if you do, basically its a massive winge.
Me and my Husband where trying for a baby for almost a year and i was so happy when i found out we had caught on the day after our first wedding anniversary. But soon after the happyness i started to worry about been a shit parent, im not girly or maternal. it took me a long time to start likeing the bump and now i do but i dont feel a massive connection or loads of love like other people say they do.
So as it gets closer i am getting more and more upset, i thought finding out the sex may help me bond but they wont tell you after 20 weeks and because of christmas etc we can't really afford private.
We where in the middle of renovating a house when we found out i was preganant so rushed to get moved in and there are loads of little things that need finishing and its stressing me out. We still have boxes of stuff under the bed and in the bedroom and today i broke down in tears because i just want it all done and sorted.
I had a massive go via text at DH telling him i was moving out and that i was sick of the state of the house he text back...
'you haven't been happy for a long time, you can lie to yourself all you want but i know you better than that. Im not going to be a dick because i know i should have done more. i think you need to be single for a while and enjoy yourself. nothing would change between us you would still be my best friend.'

I dont want to brake up i was just upset but i feel like im becoming trapped. Its the first time i have been at home not working and i feel stuck, DH is honestly doing what he can at weekends and i try but there are things i can't do because im not a joiner. (dh is).
I don't know what to do to sort myself out i should be the happiest ive even been but all i am is scared, and upset. There is nothing that i should be seriously upset about but i am. I dont feel i have a friend close enough i can go to because Dh is all i have. And i put on a show as happy and i dont think anyone realises what im like when im alone.
If anyone can make me feel like im not alone i think it would help ... Thanks xx

 

[angelmma]

Aww chick, didnt wanna read this and run. Its normal not to feel the massive connection that others do, I hate pregnancy, I hate getting fat and being sore all the time, although I used to love the kicks now they are getting painful haha, this is normal, I was the same with DD and was worried I was gonna be a crap mum but once they place that baby in your arms its all worth it.

As for the house, Im currently trying to get a house and I know if I get one itll need decorated and I currently dont have the money to do it and it would annoy me, but at least you have your house and one day it will all be done dont put yourself under too much pressure chick. I think your hubby can sense your unhappiness, although I think he thinks your unhappy being married if hes suggesting you be single. You have to ask yourself what you really want, I think you were just upset when you sent the text and needed some reassure that it was gonna be ok. So maybe have a wee talk with him and let him know that you dont want to be single. Im sorry if this advice is crap, Im not very good at this haha. But the last thing I will say is that maybe you are just feeling down and could have a touch of the baby blues, I had this whilst pregnant with DD and its apparently normal cause of the hormones and changes we are going through. Best of luck chick. P.S. dont worry you are going to make a great mum, trust me xxx

 

[redbear]

I think he blames himself for not making me happy but its not him he does everything and i dont want to be single. I dont know why he thinks that will make me happy it wouldn't its nothing really to do with the marriage it couldn't be better its everything else.
I dont know what would make me happy to be honsest because there is not that much wrong. its not like we are in loads of debt etc its just me making a mountain out of a molehill and i know im doing it but can't help it.
I just feel very stressed and he say's dont worry but its all i do. I dont like not working i feel stuck to the house because im not out doing things. I planned this baby and thought i knew what i was doing but obviously not if im this misserable.
And i just feel guilty because now DH thinks its him thats done wrong.
Im glad to know that you have felt like this too, I feel bad because everyone is all giddy and asking if im excited and im not im dreading it.
Had a quick chat with DH on phone and told him i felt a bit better after i went for a walk, he said to go run myself a bath and leave the house he will do it after work. But even this doesn't make me feel better it makes me feel ashamed because i should be able to cope myself. I shouldn't be making him do things for me. i need to get my head out of my arse and i know i do but can't.... I can't really explain lol.
It may sound terrible but i feel better knowing you didn't feel a massive bond to pregnancy but your a good mum... gives me hope lol x

 

[angelmma]

It doesnt sound terrible at all chick, pregnant woman are made to feel like they should always be happy and have this amazing 'glow'. I constantly be told by strangers that my bump is not neat or tidy, that Im massive which doesnt help with the fat feeling. TBH from what you describe it sounds like you do have a touch of baby blues. I felt like that, I was down and worried and not my usual self and I didnt know what was wrong with me, just felt that I was abit detached and stuff that I used to enjoy didnt make me happy like it did before. I felt like a failure, as I felt I had done something wrong. I was reasurred by my GP that this was perfectly normal and alot of mums to be be put under alot of pressure. This time to avoid it I exercised, even just going for walks with the dog helped. I also goto pregnancy aqua class. Maybe u could search to see if there are any near you, as this would help with you not being able to work and get you outta the house. Dont beat yourself up chick, you will get through it, and you and hubby will have a lovely little baby at the end xxx

 

[redbear]

Thanks a lot - i think it must be all the hormones like you said. Im going to call the local swimming baths i think and see what they do. I had all intenshipns of going to aquanatal but then i needed to buy a costume and it got put on the list of things i want to buy but dont have money to but i think ill go get one. Its like everyone expects you to be so happy i feel stupid because im not half the time.
Thanks for your kind words they have cheered me up xx

 

[angelmma]

No problem at all chick as for the swimming costume, why dont you just get a cheap one from JJB. Thats what I did, just got a £10 olympis one instead of paying £20 odd for a maternity one. I wore mine to the class last week and thank god its only women lifeguards that be on when the aquanatal class bes on, and no one even looks at what youre wearing cause we're all in the same boat haha xxx

 

[redbear]

Good idea i think ill have a look, i need to do something to keep my mind occupied! x

 

[Verity2011]

Awwwww, I just want to give you a massive hug and tell you you're not alone. I think it's very natural to worry about bonding with the baby and feel like this is it for your freedom no matter whether you were maternal or not before. The problem is that no one talks about this stuff with until it actually happens. It's like all these secrets about pregnancy which aren't all shiny and happy suddenly emerge but you really have to root about for them from the women around you. As for generally feeling stressed about the house etc. I think that's all natural too - I keep having little hissy fits during the day when I find yet another thing not done. I've just tried to say to DH that I need just comfort not solutions. I think women are always better at doing this than men though.

I think some sort of pregnancy class might be good and might also help you to meet people close to you. I'm the same where I am, far away from my family etc. and DH is pretty much all I have but it can be difficult.

You're not alone honey xxxxx

 

[Olive]

Hi hun,

I agree re baby blues. I think maybe you should speak to your GP and consider some counselling? Just so you have someone to talk to about how you feel and help you to work out what you need atm.

I've noticed that my GP surgery has walking days etc for new mum's. Am thinking of joining as I don't really know many Mum's at all.



x

 

[Hunnie]

I think you need to get out of the house in the sense of whilst your not working during the day, instead of staying in Id try to arrange to do something during the week.

Im fine during the week with my hormones and feelings of the situation I am in (stuck at home with a father I dislike with the stress of not having the keys in time for the house we've bought to be able to move away and be with OH more) because I generally keep busy and I come home too tired to be bothered.

However at the weekend when Im more likely to be stuck in, I turn completely and become very depressed and upset over even the smallest of things. I feel like nothing is ever going to get better for me, that Im stuck and dont actually want to be with OH and that I have noone to go to and that keeping LO is the worst thing I have ever done and my life is ruined. I also end up saying things I really don't mean and after a 2 hour long conversation with OH last monday after I told him I didnt want to be with him and me crying a lot we worked out what the issue was and decided to make sure that this weekend just gone I wasn't cooped up in the house and was out doing something both days.

I can say that it has definitely worked . We didn't do anything particularly much but had a look round the shops and looked at stuff we would like for the house and then went back to his mothers. I didn't have any of my feelings and I didn't once get upset or depressed. Im now going to make sure I do this every weekend and keep motivated and not let myself get into a slump.

I hope youre feeling better soon. I found it really hard to admit to OH that I felt depressed but it really has worked out for the best and hes more supportive now he knows whats going on in my head. I have to admit I forgot that he wasnt a mind reader and the only reason he wasnt supporting me properly in the first place was because he couldnt because he didnt know how to!

 

[redbear]

Thanks ladies its good to know im not crazy. iv'e sopke to Oh now and he says i need something to do during the day so im not stuck at home. People keep telling me that i will know what to do when the baby is here but i don't know that yet myself. Im worried i won't bond and the baby will suffer, Oh says that i like kids and will be great but its not knowing. Thank you ladies seriously you dont know how much more normal i feel now.
xx