I feel broken and lost. Here is my story....
My husband and I have been trying to have a baby since 2010, I had a suspected ectopic in Feb 2010 at 7 weeks, which I went on to miss carry naturally, in Dec 2011 I miss carried at just over 4 weeks pregnant. Just last month (May 2012) we found out I was pregnant, but due to abdominal pain I had to go to my local early pregnancy unit, my hormone levels were doubling as they should and it was all very positive, my pain went away and they decided to scan me when I was 7 weeks along. Unfortunately I started to bleed and experience abdominal pain again a week before my scan date, after more blood tests, scans and heavy bleeding I was told I would have to have surgery. My baby was in my right tube, both were removed a day before I was due to be scanned.
Before my surgery I had bleed so much that I knew my baby was not going to make it but I had no time to come to terms with this as I was rushed into hospital. I am recovering physically but inside I feel broken and empty, I don't know how to feel better, I can't even remember how I moved on with previous losses, this somehow feels different. I'm scared that I will never have any children, doctors said that my chances are not diminished now that I only have one tube and I know I should count myself lucky that my tube did not rupture, but I'm finding it all very difficult to look on the bright side at the moment. My poor husband doesn't know what to do with me, all I do is cry and clam up when he wants to talk about it and I know this isn't helping him. My friends and family don't seem to understand, they just say 'next time will be different', but they have said this every time and each time it has resulted in loss. I don't know anyone who has gone through this before. I see pregnant people and people with small children every turn I take and I can feel myself getting all bitter and twisted about it, I don't want to turn into a horrible person!
I'm sorry if I've rambled on, any advice is much appreciated.
My husband and I have been trying to have a baby since 2010, I had a suspected ectopic in Feb 2010 at 7 weeks, which I went on to miss carry naturally, in Dec 2011 I miss carried at just over 4 weeks pregnant. Just last month (May 2012) we found out I was pregnant, but due to abdominal pain I had to go to my local early pregnancy unit, my hormone levels were doubling as they should and it was all very positive, my pain went away and they decided to scan me when I was 7 weeks along. Unfortunately I started to bleed and experience abdominal pain again a week before my scan date, after more blood tests, scans and heavy bleeding I was told I would have to have surgery. My baby was in my right tube, both were removed a day before I was due to be scanned.
Before my surgery I had bleed so much that I knew my baby was not going to make it but I had no time to come to terms with this as I was rushed into hospital. I am recovering physically but inside I feel broken and empty, I don't know how to feel better, I can't even remember how I moved on with previous losses, this somehow feels different. I'm scared that I will never have any children, doctors said that my chances are not diminished now that I only have one tube and I know I should count myself lucky that my tube did not rupture, but I'm finding it all very difficult to look on the bright side at the moment. My poor husband doesn't know what to do with me, all I do is cry and clam up when he wants to talk about it and I know this isn't helping him. My friends and family don't seem to understand, they just say 'next time will be different', but they have said this every time and each time it has resulted in loss. I don't know anyone who has gone through this before. I see pregnant people and people with small children every turn I take and I can feel myself getting all bitter and twisted about it, I don't want to turn into a horrible person!
I'm sorry if I've rambled on, any advice is much appreciated.
xx
