claireyfairey
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Hi girls!!! You have no idea how much I have missed you all!!! Big hugs!!! 
Oh my god, what a week!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First and foremost, thanks to all of you for the lovely messages you left me - I'm touched by your kindness and friendship, my OH was right - you've all meant so much to me over the past 9 months and your support has been truly fantastic and beyond belief
Isla and I are doing well and were discharged from the hospital this afternoon after a particularly hard decision to abandon breast feeding
I'm devastated about this and burst into tears every time I think about it, but I'm trying to let it go, it's just one of those things. Straight after she was delivered I held Isla to my breast and she was unresponsive towards it even then, despite being told by lots of people that it's instinctive in all babies to know exactly what to do at the breast. Isla really didn't. We tried very hard to get her latched on, which we managed to master despite the hindrance of a tongue tie (which the paeditrician failed to spot, I was the one pointing it out to the consultants 
) and we have a very VERY good latch despite this. The problem we have is in knowing what to do next 
She can suck very strong when she wants to, but she's an incredibly lazy feeder - she'll literally suck for about 10 seconds and either fall asleep at the breast or spit out my nipple and scream We managed to have some good feeds with the help of all the fantastic midwives on the ward but we were awake for several hours throughout the night which was very tiring and we also syringed a lot of colostrum and had many feeds through syringe. Sadly I was unable to get Isla to feed when I was on my own - I only have two hands and couldn't manage to get her to latch and suck, and tickle her feet or stimulate her in some way in order to get her to continue sucking. This went on until yesterday until a midwife asked me how the feeding was going and I just burst into tears (I'd been in tears with another midwife the night before regarding the struggle I was having feeding). She inspected the baby and decided she was too jaundiced and very sleepyand alerted the paeditricians, who decided to send her for various blood tests which was frightening because I thought there was something drastically wrong with Isla. The midwife sat with me and comforted me for a while, and she was also the first midwife who agreed with me that the tongue tie was a problem as others had previously dismissed it Anyway, the paeds decided Isla was within safe levels of jaundice. However, in view of the fact that Isla had not had a dirty nappy or even weed for several hours decided that we would have to top her up with formula to keep her safe. I felt like the worst mum in the world I absolutely bawled my eyes out. The midwives assured me that we could continue to try to breastfeed if that's what I wanted to do, but after some consideration regarding my mental wellbeing and Isla's health I decided to abandon breastfeeding as it was putting both of us at risk in some way or another. I've had lots of tears on several occasions about this as I really enjoyed the bonding I had with Isla regarding our feeds and I feel like I've failed her in some way. I know I mustn't blame myself as the problem is with Isla initially and not with me, but I had my heart set on it so badly and am jealous of everyone here who is breastfeeding....I have to be honest and say it kind of breaks my heart a bit. Staying on the ward was tough as everyone around me was feeding successfully....I just had to get out of there for my own sanity.
So we're home now and we're on the mend. Isla is feeding really well from the bottle and demolishes them which puts my mind at rest that she is going to be okay. We are being referred for physio as we have talipes in our right foot due to the way she was lying in the womb - she bends her foot outwards and upwards and the foot appears "squashed". I will take a pic to show you. Sadly if the physio doesn't work we will be referred to a surgeon as they are concerned it may affect her ability to learn to walk, but hopefully this will be corrected without surgical intervention.
I am so in love with my daughter it's unreal. She really is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen - every little noise she makes, every little funny face she makes just melts my heart... I panic sometimes that I won't be a good mum but I have to nip these feelings in the bud and enjoy my little girl. She really is an angel.
Introducing Isla Elizabeth Buck, born 29th September 2008 at 4.21pm, weighing 7lbs 7oz
Coming into the world
Where am I?!
Mummy time
Home at last!
Will post my birth story soon, probs at some point tomorrow girlies. Missed you!!!
C xxx
Oh my god, what a week!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First and foremost, thanks to all of you for the lovely messages you left me - I'm touched by your kindness and friendship, my OH was right - you've all meant so much to me over the past 9 months and your support has been truly fantastic and beyond belief
Isla and I are doing well and were discharged from the hospital this afternoon after a particularly hard decision to abandon breast feeding
I'm devastated about this and burst into tears every time I think about it, but I'm trying to let it go, it's just one of those things. Straight after she was delivered I held Isla to my breast and she was unresponsive towards it even then, despite being told by lots of people that it's instinctive in all babies to know exactly what to do at the breast. Isla really didn't. We tried very hard to get her latched on, which we managed to master despite the hindrance of a tongue tie (which the paeditrician failed to spot, I was the one pointing it out to the consultants ) and we have a very VERY good latch despite this. The problem we have is in knowing what to do next She can suck very strong when she wants to, but she's an incredibly lazy feeder - she'll literally suck for about 10 seconds and either fall asleep at the breast or spit out my nipple and scream We managed to have some good feeds with the help of all the fantastic midwives on the ward but we were awake for several hours throughout the night which was very tiring and we also syringed a lot of colostrum and had many feeds through syringe. Sadly I was unable to get Isla to feed when I was on my own - I only have two hands and couldn't manage to get her to latch and suck, and tickle her feet or stimulate her in some way in order to get her to continue sucking. This went on until yesterday until a midwife asked me how the feeding was going and I just burst into tears (I'd been in tears with another midwife the night before regarding the struggle I was having feeding). She inspected the baby and decided she was too jaundiced and very sleepyand alerted the paeditricians, who decided to send her for various blood tests which was frightening because I thought there was something drastically wrong with Isla. The midwife sat with me and comforted me for a while, and she was also the first midwife who agreed with me that the tongue tie was a problem as others had previously dismissed it Anyway, the paeds decided Isla was within safe levels of jaundice. However, in view of the fact that Isla had not had a dirty nappy or even weed for several hours decided that we would have to top her up with formula to keep her safe. I felt like the worst mum in the world I absolutely bawled my eyes out. The midwives assured me that we could continue to try to breastfeed if that's what I wanted to do, but after some consideration regarding my mental wellbeing and Isla's health I decided to abandon breastfeeding as it was putting both of us at risk in some way or another. I've had lots of tears on several occasions about this as I really enjoyed the bonding I had with Isla regarding our feeds and I feel like I've failed her in some way. I know I mustn't blame myself as the problem is with Isla initially and not with me, but I had my heart set on it so badly and am jealous of everyone here who is breastfeeding....I have to be honest and say it kind of breaks my heart a bit. Staying on the ward was tough as everyone around me was feeding successfully....I just had to get out of there for my own sanity.So we're home now and we're on the mend. Isla is feeding really well from the bottle and demolishes them which puts my mind at rest that she is going to be okay. We are being referred for physio as we have talipes in our right foot due to the way she was lying in the womb - she bends her foot outwards and upwards and the foot appears "squashed". I will take a pic to show you. Sadly if the physio doesn't work we will be referred to a surgeon as they are concerned it may affect her ability to learn to walk, but hopefully this will be corrected without surgical intervention.
I am so in love with my daughter it's unreal. She really is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen - every little noise she makes, every little funny face she makes just melts my heart... I panic sometimes that I won't be a good mum but I have to nip these feelings in the bud and enjoy my little girl. She really is an angel.
Introducing Isla Elizabeth Buck, born 29th September 2008 at 4.21pm, weighing 7lbs 7oz
Coming into the world
Where am I?!
Mummy time
Home at last!
Will post my birth story soon, probs at some point tomorrow girlies. Missed you!!!
C xxx
Welldone you!!!!
