im at my witts end*long rant* *****updated******

[sam96031]

with Emma she just wont sleep at night, it takes for ever to get her down and weve tried eveything nad then she wont even stay asleep she can wake up 6 or 7 times a night and at the moment most nights shes ending up in bed with us. i dont know how much longer we can take it im sat here crying as i write this its causing so much trouble especially for DH when he has to get up at 5:30 for work, its making us both so grumpy which isnt fair on anyone, i cant think what to do except im going to try that goodnight milk that was mentioned here when i can find it (iv only found it online so far) at the moment shes on cows milk, iv tried taking her out all day to knacker her out and everything else i can think of and nothings working, ATM DH has had to go back up to her again and hes gone to bed in a mood and taken Emma in with him.
Sorry for the long rant just so upset needed to get it out

 

[LucyBee]

First of all...
I don't know but maybe she has learnt that if she cries enough, she'll get taken in to your bed.
Personally I would suggest controlled crying but I'd chat to your HV first and get their advice.
There are very strong opinions on controlled crying - for it and against it but I got my HVs advice and tried it with Tom and it worked fantastically.
He used to be up and down all night and now I put him down at 7.15 and he goes off without a peep and sleeps all night until about 6ish.
The CC is hard on you but if you can get your DH to support you through it then you will get your sleep back and Emma will sleep better too.
Sleep deprivation is terrible so I really feel for you.
Hope you get things sorted soon.
Lucyx

 

[sam96031]

thanks Lucy we have tried control crying in the past but it didnt really work for us. i would love to get help for the HV but i havent ssen her for ages and dont even know if she still works there. i think i might pop into the surgery and ask on monday. thaks again for your reply

 

[lauramumof2]

Im so sorry. I too would have suggested the controlled crying, Ive found it works but it requires a great amount of willpower and to a certain extenet a bit of hard heartedness. Im not critisising you in any way

What if her cot was in your room? Does she sleep then because if that was the only way to get a sleep then I would do it.

If she is up and down all night then she is going to be in a bad mood and not really up for trying her own room. Its a very vicsious circle

 

[sam96031]

shes been in our room since she came home from hospital, we were going to move her into her own room in the new year but she caught this bad cold which is when she started getting worse with her sleep so we had to put it on hold and now we just dont have the willpoer or the energy to get up 10 times in anight traipse into another room to try and settle her. we were thinking of moving her cot into her own room and having the travel cot in our room just incase (at the moment its the other way around), i personally want her in her own room so that we dont disturb her especially DH with his snoring lol, do you think that this could be the problem or is it something else?
BTW thanks for the advice
xxx

 

[lauramumof2]

I think she needs to be taught to sleep in her own room. She doesnt sounds as tho she is getting into a deep sleep and needs to re learn that.

It might take a few nights of sleepless nights to teach her but if you are going to do it and put her in your own room you cant have the trvel cot in your room. Its either her room or your room, if you give in and let her in your room then you will undo any good work you have done.

I know this sounds harsh but it will get a wee bit worse before it gets better. But it will get better.

 

[amzhunny]

I know amber is alot younger nearly 5 months but we moved her into her own room and i started putting her to bed at a set bed time...

She cries when i put her down but i have to be hard and leave her and she eventually tires herself out, i am on the 3rd week and i have gone from an hour of crying and waking 5 times a night for reasurance to hardly any time to get her to sleep and hardly ever waking during the night or if she does she just needs her dummy.

Have you tried a blanket which smells of you and OH in her cot - some kind of reassurance of your smell in there?

Is it the dark and being on her own that may be waking her? Maybe a night light? Sorry if you have tried all these i am just trying to think of some other things to try for you.

I hope you get Emma sleeping for you xx

 

[sam96031]

thanks for the advice i think we are going to have to put our foot down and not giving in which is really hard when she works up into such a frenzie that shes shaking with the crying (not with control crying thats just her temper when we are holding her ) i think she might be a little demanding and a tiny bit spoilt but no more ill let you know if we succeed

 

[amzhunny]

good luck got to be cruel to be kind hun xx

 

[LucyBee]

I think she needs to be taught to sleep in her own room. She doesnt sounds as tho she is getting into a deep sleep and needs to re learn that.

It might take a few nights of sleepless nights to teach her but if you are going to do it and put her in your own room you cant have the trvel cot in your room. Its either her room or your room, if you give in and let her in your room then you will undo any good work you have done.

I know this sounds harsh but it will get a wee bit worse before it gets better. But it will get better.

I agree with Laura. I think the key is consistency as well. You have to make your mind up to do it and then stick with it no matter what. As soon as you give in and pick her up or move her in to your room then she learns that if she cries enough, eventually she will get hugs or to sleep with her Mummy. It's really tough but ultimately you will be teaching her to sleep properly which is great for her and for you both too.

As for HV, I would definitely call at the surgery and find out who your HV is and give her a call. I think they're supposed to be available to you for the first two years. They really are very helpful.

Good luck
Lucyx

 

[rhian85]

does she have day time naps ? because this can go two ways....if she doesnt sleep at all she may be getting over tired and so is finding it hard to go off to sleep because of overtiredness.

OR

if she has a nap late on in the day his can cause problems at night time as i ahve well found out..christopher is no longer allowed to nap after 2pm because otherwise i have the same problem he just wont go off.

i also agre with the controlled crying..we used this a few months ago when he got out of his routine it soon worked...but u have to be forcefull its hard to listen to them screaming but u have to resist for it to work...dont go in leave her to it.

also with what the others have said i agree u should get her out of ur room now...shes one now and should be in her own room..her room is "her" room and ur room is "urs" if u keep taking her to bed with u then the problem will only get worse as she will learn thats what will happen if she screms long enough.

id get her into her own room asap before she gets any older....before she ends up getting so used to it u will find u have her in there till shes much much much older.

 

[rusks]

good luck x x

 

[sam96031]

emma has on average one nap a day and thats usually between 1 and 3 any later and we try not to let her i saw on a website the other day that that was a good time and the amount she has is suitable for her age so i dont think its that. emma will hopefully be in her own room this week or next i have spent all day sorting the spare room for her but its not quite ready

 

[sam96031]

we put emma down about 8:30 put her in her cot awake to drink her milk, she went down quite well she has jsut woken up had a huge stremp so gave her a bit of milk in the cot again adn stayed in the room and shes asleep at the mo will try to keep you girls updated

 

[rhian85]

we put emma down about 8:30 put her in her cot awake to drink her milk, she went down quite well she has jsut woken up had a huge stremp so gave her a bit of milk in the cot again adn stayed in the room and shes asleep at the mo will try to keep you girls updated

thats what we do on the occassions where he wakes during the night i give him milk in his cot and he then goes back to sleep but if we were to get him up and feed him well then all hell would kick off and he would want to get up..ithink its just a mater of trial and error

with us if we let him sellp after 2pm then he gets to miserable in the afternoons and over tired at bed time and so he will just cry on and off..id definatley get her in her own room and teach her that its "her" room

good luck and keep updating.

 

[Mice_Elf]

We had to do this. Erin slept through the night beautifully from 6 weeks old to 16 weeks old when we moved house. From 16 weeks she would wake up sporadically & need cuddles to go back to sleep.

We established that she wasn't hungry & it got so bad that OH was sleeping in the spare room to get some sleep. Erin was still in with us.

By 6 months, I had had enough - we'd tried moving her into a bigger cot in case it was a space issue, had tried tiring her out during the day - no use. And because she woke up at any time, with no routine, it was shattering.

Eventually we discussed it between us and decided to try controlled checking. It's something we'd introduced for her daytime naps with great success, so wondered how she'd be at night.

The first night I settled her as normal, with breast-feeding, but when she woke up, she took an hour & 20 minutes to settle at about half 11, but when she woke up again at 4, I automatically took her out & fed her without thinking.

The second night she took 20 minutes to settle herself to sleep initially, and woke up once that night which took 20 minutes again to settle her.

The third night she settled herself within 5 minutes upon going to bed and although she grimbled at about half 2, she didn't wake up and since then she's slept through again, unless poorly.

The first night was hard, with going to her after 1m, 2m, 3m, 4m, 5m, 6m etc and getting to 10m and not wanting to leave her any longer than that whilst crying, so then every 10m going to her, patting her back and saying "shhh, mummy's here, it's all right" or something like that.

In hindsight, it was probably a bad decision to get *me* doing this as she could smell the milk which probably prolonged the crying. I don't know...

It is hard, but perseverance and a commitment from the both of us helped. Steve was texting me from the spare room to make sure I was ok as he didn't want to come in and disturb what was going on.

 

[sam96031]

aww bless we nearly got like that some nights iv slept on the sofa especially when i was ill and she was in bed with DH so as not to disturb her and some nights DH would go in the spare room especially when he was working earlies. well last night after the one wake up at about ten where we both went up sat on the bed (after trying the control crying) i put my hand on her back and when that didnt work i gave her her bottle in the cot and she went back to sleep, she stirred a few times in the night with attention winging but we didnt get up at all and she stayed in her cot and she actually slept 8:30- 8:30 (with one disturbance) i still didnt have a good night as i had atickle in my throat and was too scared to cough incase i disturbed her lol and i dont sleep well at night anyways but DH had a good night sleep, tonight shes gone down about 7:45 as she was nackered and so far not a peep (if you read all that without falling asleep well done )

 

[mamichuli]

Good luck hun, consistency is def the key. Another idea to add is maybe takeing her to the local swimming pool for a while every day - if there is one available, as water is relaxing and tiring; the other thing is baby massage before bed.
That sometimes helps... hope it helps you



Lisa

 

[Tiny Sue]

Hi Sam.

We went through this with Naomi at about the same age. It was getting on for a month of crying when she went to bed, screaming to be taken up and come out to us, and maybe only two or three hours every night when she wouldn't settle. We were both exhausted.

Then I appealed for help on here, and we decided to institute a routine. Now Naomi has her tea at 7, is told at 7 that she will be going to bed soon because it's sleepy time soon. That way she has over an hour to prepare herself. We tell her all the steps that will happen in between. Like "You're going to bed now soon Naomi."
Naomi: No
Us: Yes. You're going to have your tea and play for a while and then we'll change your nappy and get on your pyjamas. Then you can have a story and a drink and we'll brush your teeth and you'll go to bed."
Naomi: No (her favourite word!)

It took a little while but now she loves it. Another tip was that if you leave a light on in the room till she goes to sleep (but turn it off then she needs her melanin!) and we also let her put the teddies to bed when we change her nappy and put on her pjs. There's always a little ritual where she covers them up and tells them to go to sleep and be good. She often "reads" them a story after she's put to bed too - she doesn't always go to sleep but at least she's not screaming.

It may seem that we are pandering to her a lot, but she is secure and not at all upset with that routine.

Hope that helps.

Sue

 

[sam96031]

thanks hun well we were going really well had about 2 weeks of good nights our routine is at 5 she has tea then the lights in the main part of room goes out and she can play with "quiet" toys with no lights or sounds on them so eg books and dollies then a bath and then she has her bottle in her cot we sit with her till she goes to sleep holding her hand and she has a lullaby toy in with her, then when she whinged at night we let her be unless she was obviously upset and that was it till about 8:30.

worked brilliantly until 2 nights ago when she started screaming all through the night and last night she was so bad she came in with us but was still crying, there was nothing evidentally wrong eg too hot too cold hungry etc (BTW were using the cow and gate good night milk)so i think its teething she has two coming through on up the top and her first bottom one.

hopefully things will be better tonight