"if you think you're tired now, just wait.."

[Mexico2014]

I know exactly what you mean!! My mum comes out with I don't think you'll going to cope very well with the pain and going on about how painful it is!!! Just shut up!!! As for negative comments there is not a lot we can do about the pain or sleep we just have to get on with it! Another so called friend was like you wait till you get here!! You'll make the biggest mistake if you breast feed!!! People are so opinionated and no it alls!! Everyone copes in different ways, we all know it's not going to be an easy ride but if we look at the bigger picture what in life is! This is the beginning of our future as mums and parents which is exciting and a learning curve. Inbrace every moment and ignore all the trashy comments!! Good luck to alll xxxx

 

[tinselcat]

Section-hopping...

I am guilty of trying to "warn" prospective parents of the tiredness thing after baby is born, but only out of good intentions!

During my pregnancy, I was constantly very uncomfortable, waking up 6 times a night and then working all day etc - as a lifelong insomniac I thought it couldn't get much worse, or be anything I couldn't handle.

What I hadn't accounted for is that baby will wake you up during the middle of your sleep cycle, dragging you out of the depths of sleep (when you've finally been able to nod off) which is far far worse than your own body saying "hey, I need the loo again - do you mind?"

Before baby I thought that changing nappies would be the hard part (I have OCD and part of that is around dirty stuff). I knew that you didn't get much sleep, but thought it wouldn't be such a big deal.

Anyhoo - dirty nappies etc are all fine! They're nothing, in fact. It's just the sleep! So if there is any way you can try and get ANY rest at this point, I'd heartily advocate it! xx

 

[Laura1992]

But Tinselcat, I think most people know it'll be exhausting. I don't question the validity of the annoying but well-meant warnings, I just question whether it's a good idea to instil such negativity in mums-to-be. It's not going to make the lack of sleep any easier to deal with when you go in with a sense of doom from the start.

 

[Pambi]

I think people just try to manage expectations around early parenthood and unfortunately it does come across as being negative. Advice is great when you ask for it but I totally get you about the unsolicited stuff, its very annoying! You'll be just fine - as mums we get on with it whatever they throw at us!

I think (and this is just my opinion) there are some things I believed before having my first like "every woman can breast feed" "sleep when baby sleeps!" "there's nothing like a mothers love" "giving birth is a magical experience" which for various reasons were totally untrue in the first weeks for me - I think some people who have had negative experiences feel as a result like they have to counteract these general statements with their own hang ups and memories of early parenthood. I think this is fine if you ask for the advice but just coming out with it is really not helpful (although did I just do that...sorry!??). x

 

[Rooster30]

I have to admit, I hated it when I was pregnant with my first. All the advice that wasn't asked for, was not appreciated. I felt I didn't need telling about my impending exhaustion. Like you, I felt fully aware of what was about to happen and didn't need telling twice.

But I did need telling, and I should have listened. My first born was horrendous. I had never experienced sleep deprivation like it in any form, the constant crying and being able to do nothing but hold him whilst desperately trying not to fall asleep myself. By day two, (and on day five of no sleep AT ALL), the midwives saw me and I was exceedingly pale, I was trembling and thinking the what the bobbins have I done. Needless to say I was suffering severe sleep deprivation after a long labour, ridiculously poor post natal care, and a colicky baby which led to depression. Anyway, I felt daft for brushing off all that advice after all that. I had wished I had enjoyed those final few days of being me and not a mum. My story is EXTREME, so please don't feel this will be you, but I guess having had my experience I sometimes do inadvertently make the odd 'baby life isn't easy' comment here and there if baby talk is part of the conversation, but I never do it with bad intentions.

I'm sure people don't mean harm by what they say... Well, with regards to the sleep deprivation anyway. I don't think anyone has a right to tell you how to raise/feed your children. Some people just want to share their experiences without meaning any offence Life with a newborn(s) is tiring but wonderful and I'm sure you'll really love it, so don't worry.

 

[Laura1992]

I'm being induced Friday. Plan for tomorrow is to sleep all day, for the last time ever!! xx

 

[Eryinera]

I had to bite my tongue at lunch the other day four women were talking about one woman's decision to feed on demand and how bad and awful it was and how she's ruining her daughters behaviour. In fact "grannie" now refused to look after the grandaughter because she refused to follow the rules set down by her daughter. I literally listened to these women harass this poor woman who wasn't there for the full half hour. They didn't know I was pregnant as I was sat down first. But the look in their eyes when I stood up I had to resist all temptations to "accidentally" bash the women's head in with my dinner tray when I left. I feel so sorry that woman has such an incompetent ungrateful selfish mother.
I wish you all the best for tomorrow Laura. Enjoy your sleep and enjoy your babies too. Do things your way. Don't be afraid to ask for help of you need it but don't feel obliged to be polite and thankful to others for their "advice" either. Motherhood is hard we all know this it may be worse or better than you think it will be but that's your wonderful journey to discover x

Good luck x x

 

[Rooster30]

Good luck!

 

[Aries29]

I've been rather fortunate. Ted was born the 1st December. He usually sleeps 3-4 hours between feeds in the day and 5 hours between feeds at night.

It is tiring having a newborn but I swear I felt more tired when I was pregnant! I find myself almost willing him to wake so I can talk to him and cuddle him and hold him. I just can't get enough of him. He's got a bit of colic at the moment and can cry a lot in the evening but even this doesn't phase me.

I'd do anything for my son and I'm sure many mothers feel the same about their babies. It's tiring but it's the best job in the world

 

[tinselcat]

Laura - hope everything went well!

I'm like Rooster in that there were certain things about labour & when baby was here (excluding the whole sleep thing which I had 'heard' about) that I wish I'd understood/known about beforehand - in some cases just so I could prepare myself for it. Nobody mentioned them so I had a bit of a rough experience finding it out at the time.

If you do get unsolicited advice then I think most people mean it in a good way, even if it's not wanted.. and there will be some people (like me) who would want to hear it too - but you don't know who those people are until you mention it

I do ignore the people who say "it'll be like this until baby is 5" though