"if you think you're tired now, just wait.."

[Laura1992]

Is anyone else FED UP of comments like this and unsolicited advice?

Whenever I say anything "not long now, looking forward to them being here!" to try and be positive when I'm totally fed up and tired and uncomfortable and anxious about becoming a mum, I get these really negative comments generally along the lines of..

"Ah if you think you're tired now, just wait until they're here!"
"you're in control now. Enjoy it while it lasts because you won't be doing anything once they're here" - oh yeah, I feel SO in control when I practically pee myself every time I stand up and can't get out of bed some days for pain.
"Hopefully they come after Christmas so you can enjoy your last Christmas lunch"

Etc etc. It's soo negative and irritating. I also keep getting told that I'd better not share a room with them otherwise I won't sleep (not sure how that's supposed to work??) and not to feed on demand and "oh don't buy a bath, just wash them in the sink". Bloody fed up! I know hormones and tiredness are making me grumpy about it and I should just ignore it but it's getting me down

 

[millielaura]

Oh I'm fed up of people saying the if you think you're tired now just wait thing!! Omg. I told my friend from uni who doesnt even have children how tired I was and how I couldn't wait until she was born and she was all like ...I don't think a newborn will help your insomnia. Grrr. Right now I'd rather the thought of being woken up loads with a baby but being able to nap when I can. When I told her this it was when I was literally not sleeping at all apart from a couple short naps each day because of being in pain/uncomfy/heartburn/needing loo etc. It wound me up so so much lol! Its bloody awful when you're body wont let you sleep and you have low iron and growing a human( or humans for some).
My friend who had a baby recently told me she found it so much easier when baby was born in terms of tiredness..she said still reallyyy hard yeah but she found nothing worse than preg insomnia. She said pregnancy was a thousand times harder for her than having children xxx

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[Laura1992]

I just think it's obviously going to be hard looking after a newborn (or two), but going into it with a negative mindset (thanks to negative irritating comments about just how bad it is) will make it so much more difficult to cope with. So I wish my nearest and dearest would make more effort to be positive as I am trying to be!

 

[Ikklemoi]

I've had the comments to ladies, this is my 5th boy so doubt itl be any different to my other boys wen they were newborn or fact my boys get up early asleep late etc. I also get the comments of are you gonna try for a girl? Or do u wish y was having a girl instead. Erm no am happy My baby is healthy. Grrrrr love my kids regardless of them been boys or girls x

 

[cornishfairy]

Oh yes; all of this!!! Drives me mad! X

 

[YorksLass]

I got totally sick of that come the end. My girl's nearly 6 months now, and i can honestly say it's the best thing i've ever done. Yes, it's hard going, there's down days, and i'm sleep deprived, but it's bloody brilliant! Wouldn't change it for the world!
I doubt anybody expects it to be easy, just have to be prepared to not be prepared and take it day by day

 

[KateK]

Oh no! Yes, it's so annoying, i'm probably guilty of doing it a little in a tongue-in-cheek, cynical coping mechanism kind of way as it is hard, but it's a completely different hard to pregnancy.. How horrible though that socially we lead people into motherhood with an impending sense of doom! I remember being a nervous wreck about sleep deprivation, colic, lactose intolerance, reflux etc etc thanks to the 'helpful' words of family, friends, strangers and anyone else who'd suddenly decided to be my personal baby-rearing counsellor.. Ignore it the best you can, because your babies will be your most precious things, even at 3 in the morning.. There is nothing quite like being someone's Mummy xxx

 

[Tonks82]

Urggggggh I just wanted to scream in their faces F@ck Off!

I was overdue and obv you are getting so fed up and I always used to get "make the most of it and enjoy your sleep while you can because you won't be getting much of that soon" Are they serious like a) I was dumb and didn't already know a baby will have me up every 2/3hours and b) these women saying it had surprisingly never even been overdue. They all had on time or early babies so how frustrated do they even realise I would be feeling!
Also what 40+ week pregnant woman can sleep properly anyway!

What I would reply from now having experience of a new born is yes they do wake you up very couple of hours but the quality of sleep you can get in between is far higher than when you are pregnant. I feel like I haven't slept well for months even though I'm in bed at 10pm latest and up at 7ish. Also when you are really tired during the day with the babies just cancel your plans and cuddle them all day, you can nothing comes before them anyway.

Also do exactly what you want with regards feeding, sleeping and bathing. People never let off with their opinions on those, you'll have to just let them go over your head.

I still get the oh your bump isn't very big, I'm like well I'm measuring 2 weeks ahead so I can't be that small! X

 

[Slb24]

Personally I think it's worse once baby is born. The comments/advice come in thicker and faster. It drove me insane with my daughter. And it still hasn't stopped really (she's 2.5 yo now)
Don't do this, or hold her like that. Don't feed her/do feed her before 6 months. Put her down you'll spoil her/don't let her cry it out.

Honestly one thing you'll learn as a parent is that you can't do right for doing wrong.

Just make sure you know what you want to do before babies are here and stick by that. Everyone thinks they're offering you helpful advise but honestly the only thing they give you is a headache lol

Oh and just for the record..
it's much easier once baby is here in your arms (babies for you lol)
The love you feel for them is so strong and you would literally do anything to keep them happy. So a little bit of interrupted sleep or a few cold dinners are a walk in the park.

Stay positive Hun Xx

 

[princessp]

Even though after my little boy was born, I didn't sleep for longer than 30mins at a time for weeks, was in agony from the birth and was breastfeeding him practically 24/7 (Normal btw), I did not find it difficult. It's something you have to do and WANT to do for your baby. It's tough but in the most magical way possible. You have a baby that you love and adore and do not wish to be away from them (obviously this may be different with post natal depression etc. In my opinion, pregnany is much worse than having a newborn.

In terms of not having them in same room as you, It's soooo much safer for them to be in the same room as you in terms of risks of SIDs and it helps regulate their breathing. It is not recommended that baby's sleep in a different room to their parents/mother for at least 6 months, whether that be for a nap or overnight.

If you intend to breastfeed, then the only was is to feed on demand. It is important that babies are fed on their own schedule and not yours. They know when they are hungry and putting them to the breast whenever they shows signs of wanting to nurse is absolutely imperative to building milk supply and for their growth. Obvioulsly, you need to be more scheduled if formula feeding or if expressing entirely as there is a risk of over feeding, especially with formula as it is harder to digest. When feeding from bottles, babies will take more and quicker and therefore can over feed if before they realise they are full.

Don't listen to other people's comments, you will have less time when babies are here but your time will be full of love.

 

[Laura1992]

Even though after my little boy was born, I didn't sleep for longer than 30mins at a time for weeks, was in agony from the birth and was breastfeeding him practically 24/7 (Normal btw), I did not find it difficult. It's something you have to do and WANT to do for your baby. It's tough but in the most magical way possible. You have a baby that you love and adore and do not wish to be away from them (obviously this may be different with post natal depression etc. In my opinion, pregnany is much worse than having a newborn.

In terms of not having them in same room as you, It's soooo much safer for them to be in the same room as you in terms of risks of SIDs and it helps regulate their breathing. It is not recommended that baby's sleep in a different room to their parents/mother for at least 6 months, whether that be for a nap or overnight.

If you intend to breastfeed, then the only was is to feed on demand. It is important that babies are fed on their own schedule and not yours. They know when they are hungry and putting them to the breast whenever they shows signs of wanting to nurse is absolutely imperative to building milk supply and for their growth. Obvioulsly, you need to be more scheduled if formula feeding or if expressing entirely as there is a risk of over feeding, especially with formula as it is harder to digest. When feeding from bottles, babies will take more and quicker and therefore can over feed if before they realise they are full.

Don't listen to other people's comments, you will have less time when babies are here but your time will be full of love.

PrincesP yes I'm planning on breastfeeding and sharing a room with them, I wouldn't sleep a wink if I didn't share a room with them, so the comment about sleeping better in another room really irks me - am I supposed to let them cry themselves to sleep and not feed them all night or what? It's such a ridiculous comment! I'd be up and down the stairs all night if I did sleep in the other room, so restful!

With the breastfeeding, with there being two I do plan on waking the other if one has woken for a feed and trying to feed them both at once each time, but yes I do feel that they will dictate when they are hungry just as we adults do. xx

 

[Tonks82]

Sounds like you have a brill plan hun, stick with what you plan on doing.
xxx

 

[babybee]

Ive found people just love to give advice and opinions the moment you announce your pregnancy and it just never stops. Ive found the best answer to any shitty advice given is 'that's interesting' as it makes the person feel like you've sort of agreed but haven't really and you're not going to engage in that conversation any further.

Personally I think if you have a healthy baby who doesn't suffer from colic or reflux then motherhood is as easy or as hard you make it - all depends on your expectations and adaptation.

 

[Eryinera]

I still get the oh your bump isn't very big, I'm like well I'm measuring 2 weeks ahead so I can't be that small! X

I work in retail do deal with the ignorant I mean general public in a near daily basis. Lol

I get the opposite all the time "gosh your so big it must be twins". I'm like nope just the one they then look like I'm lying to them. ... I mean why would I do that?! Lol and then I get "are you sure?" I mean what do they expect me to say "oh doh silly me I forgot yes actually there are two in there thank you for reminding me or else I would of left one at the hospital! "

I also get the "is it your first" "nope I have an 8 yr old too" "oh big age gap accident was it" ... well not that's it's any of your business but no we went through treatment due to losing 4 others. They seem to shut up then lol

 

[princessp]

Even though after my little boy was born, I didn't sleep for longer than 30mins at a time for weeks, was in agony from the birth and was breastfeeding him practically 24/7 (Normal btw), I did not find it difficult. It's something you have to do and WANT to do for your baby. It's tough but in the most magical way possible. You have a baby that you love and adore and do not wish to be away from them (obviously this may be different with post natal depression etc. In my opinion, pregnany is much worse than having a newborn.

In terms of not having them in same room as you, It's soooo much safer for them to be in the same room as you in terms of risks of SIDs and it helps regulate their breathing. It is not recommended that baby's sleep in a different room to their parents/mother for at least 6 months, whether that be for a nap or overnight.

If you intend to breastfeed, then the only was is to feed on demand. It is important that babies are fed on their own schedule and not yours. They know when they are hungry and putting them to the breast whenever they shows signs of wanting to nurse is absolutely imperative to building milk supply and for their growth. Obvioulsly, you need to be more scheduled if formula feeding or if expressing entirely as there is a risk of over feeding, especially with formula as it is harder to digest. When feeding from bottles, babies will take more and quicker and therefore can over feed if before they realise they are full.

Don't listen to other people's comments, you will have less time when babies are here but your time will be full of love.

PrincesP yes I'm planning on breastfeeding and sharing a room with them, I wouldn't sleep a wink if I didn't share a room with them, so the comment about sleeping better in another room really irks me - am I supposed to let them cry themselves to sleep and not feed them all night or what? It's such a ridiculous comment! I'd be up and down the stairs all night if I did sleep in the other room, so restful!

With the breastfeeding, with there being two I do plan on waking the other if one has woken for a feed and trying to feed them both at once each time, but yes I do feel that they will dictate when they are hungry just as we adults do. xx

Yes I have no experience with Twins so don't know how best to work that one but I know that breastfeeding twins can work. I wish you all the very best of luck with it.

in relation to breastfeeding in general, it's good to go in to it with the mindset of yes they will want feeding constantly ( and I mean constantly) but it doesn't last forever and once established it is generally much easier than bottle feeding as you don't have to wash, prepare bottles. you can leave the house with just yourself.Just expect t have a mini human stuck to your nipple permnantly at the beginning. x

 

[MillersMissus]

Personally I think it's worse once baby is born. The comments/advice come in thicker and faster. It drove me insane with my daughter. And it still hasn't stopped really (she's 2.5 yo now)
Don't do this, or hold her like that. Don't feed her/do feed her before 6 months. Put her down you'll spoil her/don't let her cry it out.

Honestly one thing you'll learn as a parent is that you can't do right for doing wrong.

Just make sure you know what you want to do before babies are here and stick by that. Everyone thinks they're offering you helpful advise but honestly the only thing they give you is a headache lol

Oh and just for the record..
it's much easier once baby is here in your arms (babies for you lol)
The love you feel for them is so strong and you would literally do anything to keep them happy. So a little bit of interrupted sleep or a few cold dinners are a walk in the park.

Stay positive Hun Xx

This!!!

I can honestly say the hardest thing about being new mum to me has been the opinions of others. I've literally broke down as I felt I was being criticised at every opportunity which has led me to thinking some awful things (that I'm a bad mum and I actually backed off from caring for my daughter and left everything to my OH). People are total idiots and don't realise how much they affect your mental health!! Xx

 

[Laura1992]

Oh no Millers.. I am dreading being told how to hold them and the best way to settle them by well-meaning people that need to keep their mouths closed and let us get on with it! Doesn't help that I'm currently staying with my (very bossy) mum and probably will be for a good few months. Unfortunately she gets really arsey and offended if you ask her to back off, even if you're super polite about it! xx

 

[YorksLass]

Ugh, at every stage of motherhood so far, I find somebody who wants to tell me that some stage further along will be much harder... lol... I just don't worry. It's like people want you to suffer! Every kid is different and people cope - otherwise nobody would have kids at all!
A friend had identical twins not long ago, has an older boy already, but she's totally in the swing of it now. Whatever comes, you figure it out and get on with it, and i'm sure you'll be fab - congrats on twinnies! And totally agree - being pregnant is crap! Nothing beats holding you babe(s) in your arms

 

[entre]

The only advice I now give to new mums, after previous experience of being the advisee is "follow your instinct" and "do what you think i right". They both worked for me!!

 

[Gravidgecko]

My mum is the 'best' for 'helpful' comments. Such as:
''You'll be throwing that out once baby is here though won't you?'' Referring to a maternity dress I was wearing,
"It must be close, you've got that pregnancy mask of dry skin"
In response to me saying I was having difficulty sleeping, "yeh I thought so, you've had bags under your eyes for weeks".

I do wonder if she actually has any connection between her brain and her mouth. The worst thing is she genuinely isn't trying to be mean, she's just a bit thick lol.

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