If you could go back in time, would you do things differently?

Discussion in 'Ask a Mum!' started by bwakeling, Jan 21, 2012.

  1. bwakeling

    bwakeling Well-Known Member

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    Hi all,

    Just doing some research on a post for my blog (www.goodbyepertbreasts.com), and could do with some honest answers!

    The question is this: knowing what you do now about parenting - the stresses and the joys - if you could go back in time to before you had kids, would you do anything differently? Would you delay having kids for a bit longer so you could travel, or focus on your career, etc?

    Personally, I had children quite young, and I think if I could go back in time I would delay it a year or so to travel and enjoy my freedom a bit more. I love my kids to death, and I know that one benefit of being a young parent is that I will still be able to enjoy myself once they've flown the nest, but that seems like such a long way away...

    Looking for honesty and openness please! I won't quote your name if you don't want me to - please say so if not.

    Thanks,

    Ben x
     
  2. cosmicgirl

    cosmicgirl Well-Known Member

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    I would not have got pregnant at 18 (we weren't ttc so I don't know how)
    I feel I have missed out on a lot, I've never had an adult life without a child. I've never experienced the freedom that comes with being an adult, the girlie holidays as a teen, the wild nights, the fun of being able to enjoy my teens and early twenties like I should have. Invariably you don't stay with your boyfriend that you were with when you were 18/19, everyone thinks they will (few do, I'd say it's rare) and then you have to date in your early twenties with a young child, not many twenty odd year old lads I met were cool about that. Financially it was rubbish, I'm not into having a child and no money, I was lucky to be able to do a well paid job soon after his first birthday but living on the breadline is something I wouldn't want to repeat. I would have liked to start ttc around 28, that would have been perfect x
     
  3. Sarah13

    Sarah13 Well-Known Member

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    In an ideal world I would have my daughter later say 30 and my son earlier about 32. I think your 20s are for partying, traveling and your career, I still tried to do that with a child which isn't really fair. I think I'm missing out at both ends of the scale for being a young mum and now an old mum, as just as one is almost flying the nest I've started again lol!

    I was too young, self orientated and selfish when i had my DD, I also stressed about her too much, what she was and wasn't doing, and probably didn't enjoy motherhood as much as I could have, I was back to my full time job traveling the world in the forces by the time she was my DS age! Whereas now I couldn't care less about a career and I love every minute and appreciate how quick they grow up and I'm thinking why did I wait so long for a second! I also feel bad my DD was an only child for so long and how much she missed out. I'm trying not to make any of the same mistakes with my son but feel guilty about my daughter and wish I could go back and at least have had a year off work with her and enjoyed her being little more, we do get on great and I we're pretty close so at least I'm there for her more as a teenager when girls often need their mums.

    These days I worry that by the time my DS is my age me and my OH will be really old, don't want him having us as a burden or people mistaking us for his grandparents at parents evenings!

    All that said I can't wait to have another or maybe two if my clock don't stop ticking!
     
  4. Princess81

    Princess81 Well-Known Member

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    I feel the right age. I'm 30 and o/h is 31. We have been together 9 years and our l/o is 7 weeks old. We've got the careers we want, had wild times and travelled in our 20's (though I wish we'd travelled more) and managed to build our own house. All in all the time has been right. :)
     
  5. Squeakz

    Squeakz Well-Known Member

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    when we found out we having my ds i honestly thought 'what have i done' ...now hes here (well 16 months of here haha) i wouldnt change him for the world or anything that happened. I was 21 and oh 22 when we had him. Of course i very very occasionally get tinged with slight jealousy when my friends can go out when they want to and they dont have bedtime routines to get home for but im so young and sprightly atm i dont know how i'd be doing it in 10 years time!! I still get to go out (once a monthish) and to be honest that is MORE than enough for me. I did some pretty hardcore partying at 17/18/19/20 and cranked it up when i met my oh at 18, iv done weekends of wildness - heck weeks of wildness - girlie holidays etc and J just meant i couldnt continue. The thought of going back and changing how he came about would mean changing who i am, how phil is. People my age who dont have children think we have wasted our lives. but this is far more rewarding and enjoyable than getting p****ed at the weekend with a banging headache the next day. My oh and I strive to ensure we are still our ages - he has friends over this weekend and i go out with work colleagues.

    Would i take it back? at the moment no. Ask me in 10 years ....who knows???

    Sorry for the incessant ramblings!! x
     
  6. tinks77

    tinks77 Well-Known Member

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    We would have started younger, we've been together almost 11 years and although it was our decision to wait, looking back we probably would have started our family 5 years ago maybe x
     
  7. Belfast girl

    Belfast girl Well-Known Member

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    No this is the right time for us, (early 30's). I have proved to myself that I can have a successful career and have got a gorgeous house and travelled loads, got it out of my system so to speak, so now I don't have a chip on my shoulder for not being able to go out with my friends etc, beside, they all have babies too!!!
     
  8. clairebear22

    clairebear22 Well-Known Member

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    I had Jack at 30 which was the right age for me I think. All of my friends had their children in their early 20's and even though I wasn't a party animal or anything i'm glad I had my 20's to myself.

    The only thing I wish I would have done differently is to have some savings before Jack, only because we're struggling big time for money! But then so is everybody, with or without kiddies! :) x
     
  9. anlovey

    anlovey Active Member

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    I am sure I would never regret have kids at any time. Having a kid is decided by the couple and both think it's the time. it's mature and deliberate. And about travel, journey, I think I could travel when my child grow up and is independent before that family trip is good as well.
     
  10. cosmicgirl

    cosmicgirl Well-Known Member

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    Having a child is not always decided by the couple, I'm sorry that's rubbish!
    I was a teenager and on the pill, there is no way on this earth I would have a child deliberately at that age!
    I wish things had happened differently but I still cherish my children!
     
  11. Amyrose

    Amyrose Well-Known Member

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    I was very very young i wish I was the mum I am now back then iykwim? I don't know if it's being older or more experienced or probably a combination of both but I am a far better mother now then I was when I was 18. Please don't take that as an insult to younger mums it's just my personal experience. X
     
  12. Corrinne37

    Corrinne37 Well-Known Member

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    I wish i had started earlier to have children, i was ready at about 27 / 28 to meet the right guy and settle down, but that didnt happen!
    I had done the party / travel thing so much I just wanted to settle down! Still went out all the time to with friends in hope of meeting someone. It took forever!

    It took ages to find someone decent! Then the guy who I thought was decent only after moving in with him , and bailing him from all his debts and getting into debt myself I realised he was a complete loser and at age 32 a relationship I had to leave. By now I was desperate for a child and felt left on the shelf!!

    Then at 34 I met my current partner, he also wanted children like me , I came off the pill after only 5 months of us being together as thought it cuold take a while the next month I was pregnant.
    My little boy is now nearly three and we have been trying for nearly twoyrs for our second child, unlike the first it has not been easy at all. At the age of 38, I feel I am running out of time.

    So my big regret is not having children earlier, but then it wasnt my choice. I did want it to happen , it just didnt happen. x
     
  13. Hunnie

    Hunnie Well-Known Member

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    I did at first regret getting pregnant at 18 as I had a tough time and it was difficult at time watching my friends move on in life when I felt like I was stuck in a deep hole. 2 weeks on after giving birth and I can honestly say I have never felt so happy and fulfilled in life. It's hard work but sitting there having cuddles with Sophie makes it all completely worth it. I've never been one for going out getting drunk or getting dressed up so for me the only difference having a child has made is that I now have a busier schedule and it's harder to get things done during the day but it means I'm never bored! :)
     
  14. Olive

    Olive Well-Known Member

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    No regrets. We have been together 9 years this year and were ttc for 8/9 months so the timing was right for us. I'd love for us to have more money and a bigger house (we have a 2 bed semi) but then don't most people.

    xxx
     

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