I was a '*******' baby!!

[mid]

So my parents weren't wed before I was born so effectively I was a ******* child, to my younger sibling enjoyment when teasing me!! They got married when I was 5 and unfortunately divorced when I was 12. My O/h's parents were married before he was born btw.

So during my degree I read some research that suggested that children with married parents have better outcomes than those raised by co-habitees and single parents. In addition they have less difficulties in adolescence.

I really want to be married before I have children but time is ticking. O/H doesn't want to get married anytime soon, citing that marriage isnt the be all and end all. We got engaged last year after 5 years and are LTTTC due to my pcos.

Just wondered whether people thought that this is just plain stupid on my behalf.
(PLEASE REFRAIN FROM BEING JUDGEMENTAL)

 

[TiffanyJaynexo]

I don't believe you have to be married for your children to have a better upbringing.
I was a '*******' child as was my brother.
My parents got together when they were 16, my mum had me when she was 24, she was 27 when she had my brother and they married when I was 4 and my brother was 1! (so my mum was 28 and my dad was 30).

My parents are still together although they did split up once when my dad had an affair.
I'd say they did pretty well with their children!
I finished school, went to college for 5 years, got my degrees. My brother has finished school, has been to college and is going back in September and is then training to be a policeman.

My OH's mum and dad were never really together, they had a relationship but they never settled down or anything, my OH finished school, went to sixth form and is going to college in September to do medicine (to be a doctor), he's also very intelligent when it comes to gaming and coding so there's a potential game developer for you!

Getting married before children is in my opinion not a necessity. However because I am religious, that is really the only reason why I would get married before children but hey I'm already pregnant now It's entirely up to you but don't feel like you HAVE to get married before you become parents. A marriage should be something special and meaningful, not part of a plan. As long as you and your OH both love and support your child and your child doesn't come into any harm or hurt, then I'm sure your child will turn out alright! xxx

 

[nik106]

My parents weren't married when they had me either, i don't think its had any effect on how successful i have or haven't become. I may not be as successful as other people but i'm doing a damn sight better than others. I know i'm good at my job and getting glowing praise from clients when i fix a problem, my boss respects me alot and i've held down the same job for 6 years (which on my dad's side, is actually an achievement) and i'm earning more than the national average. I own my own property and until recently, when i had to sell to make way for a sensible family car, i had one of my dream flashyish sports car.

I can't say i didn't have problems as a teenager, or indeed even now, but i doubt its because my parents weren't married. My brother, whom was born in wedlock, doesn't have any issues, but my father messed me around something chronic when my parents split. He never rang when he said he would, would often not turn up when he was supposed to, disappeared for years at a time, made stupid comments. My brother being much younger wasn't subjected to any of this as they split when he was a baby. He had no contact with our dad as my mum realised he'd do the same to him and she could see how much damage he was doing to me, but being older, i knew him and she felt that whilst i wanted to see him, she would continue to try and establish a proper relationship between us - in hindsight, it would have been better if she'd said no, but she thought she was doing the right thing.

I do understand why you would want to be married though, despite my upbringing, i'd like to do things in what i consider to be the proper way round - get married, buy a house together and then have the baby. But life isn't perfect and it hasn't worked out. My flat is being rented as i moved in my with OH, we found out i was pregnant and we've just started the process of buying his brother out of the house and owning it together. The last thing we did, was get engaged, but we have no idea when we'll be tying the knot.

For me, aside from the fact that i love my OH to bits and i can see myself with him forever, getting married means that i'll have the same name as both him and my baby. I know its not the be all and end all, but i haven't had the same surname as someone else since 1996 when my mum re-married (i have a double barreled combination of parents surnames - my dad uses my mum's half, don't ask, and my mum uses her new married name, my brother took it on too and has since been adopted by my stepdad) and to me, the one person i should have the same name as, is my own child.

I was really upset and hurt when my fiance announced shortly after our engagement that i don't need to even think about our wedding for at least a year, as it'll probably be closer to 2 years away anyway. I believe we can do as good a job as parents living together as we could married, realistically marriage is just a piece of paper legally tying you together, we'll be no more committed and no more in love than we are now by having it, but i WANT that piece of paper!!!!!!!!

 

[FebMum2Be]

My parents were married before they had all of us, my cousins parents weren't, they are well raised and their mummy and daddy got married when they were 23 + 28, and at this time they had their own children who were raised well also, they have good jobs, lovely families and are good people. I don't think a ring on your finger decides how you're going to raise your kids, I think it's the kind of person you are There are many couples married who don't give a damn about their children, don't feel like you have to rush into getting married. I don't think you are being stupid Do things as you were going to do them, wether that's getting married first, then do it, but don't do it because you feel you have to good luck x

 

[Maria1977]

I don't believe you have to be married so your children will have a better outcome in life, honestly that is drivel lol

My parents were married when they had me and my brother and our life has not been easy at all.

Me and partner have been together for 10 years and have a 7 month old son and have no intentions of getting married, we're happy as we are and our baby is very happy and we will make sure he has the best life we can possiby offer him.

Honestly hun if you want children don't let getting married hold you up, if you are in an honest committed relationship then you already have everything you need to start a happy family xxxxx

 

[Constantstar]

My mum had my sister without being married about 40 years ago and her mum ( my nan ) basically disowned her as she wasn't married and made my mum give her away so sad but those times were so different. I was born into a married house hold. But my fiancé and I are not married and we have just has Owen.we have been together 6 years and live together etc and been engaged for 4 years. His mum and dad were not married. My mums been a great support and so had my dad ( who is Muslim but not strict but probably would of wanted me married!!)
We are happy although I've said to oh I'd quite like to be married before Owen starts school and stuff so for like 4/5 years but apart from that I'm not too fussed xx

 

[Mamafy]

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