I think it's all getting too much for us :(

[Babybushie28]

Hey!

AF is due in 2 days and I have has no symptoms so i'm defo out

Me and oh have had a mega row about it all this morning, so much for being really calm about it! He has never wanted to take vits as he doesn't believe something external should be used for a natural thing, however as we'll be onto cycle 11 soon I told him we need to do more because we are clearly not doing enough. He was a bit grumpy last night and i knew something was up but he didn't.want to talk, then this morning it all came out. He doesnt want to change his lifestyle for a baby, all his friends and family have kids (most unplanned) and they still live their lives, he says if it hasn't hAppened in 11mths it's never gonna happen, he believes it's his fault an has told me to leave him and find someone who can get me preggo.
He's convinced he has a low sperm count (no idea why) so he feels he can't do anything more. We have cut down on he bad stuff and we do eat more healthily but my argument is that we can still do more, but can we really?????

I've never seen him vent before throughout this whole time, he was always the strong one but now I see it's affecting him just as much as me.

I'm so frustrated. I have to climb out of my denial bubble of not thinking about it as I physically can't. All I want to do is lock myself in my bedroom and cry all day.

I'm so scared this will tear us apart, I love him so much but I just don't know what to do

 

[Clairabella]

Oh I hope you are ok TTC is so stressful for both partners. Have you considered seeing your dr? Even it's just to put your mind at rest I went to see mine and she was lovely and she arranged for me to get my day 1 and day 21 blood test taken. She also requested OH have a semen analysis.

During TTC I think it's very easy for partners to blame themselves but In reality until you and OH have some tests completed it's still a guessing game.

me and OH felt so much better about TTC after we had the initial tests done

Hope this helps and hope you get a BFP soon

Xx

 

[mishi]

Oh honey firstly huge

This ttc journey is so emotional for everyone involved and I think sometimes we forget it affects the boys too?

It's difficult if he refuses to get tests done, but maybe if he did it and they came back ok, it would lift such a weight from his shoulders?

It might be worth going to your GP when/if you get to the 12 month mark and asking him what the options are for investigations then calmly talking to hubby about the options.

He should want to know if his SA is good or bad, at least you can then both have realistic expectations of whether it will happen naturally or not. xxxx

 

[BabyBrain]

My OH was exactly the same hunny, he refused to have a sperm test cos he thought I'd leave him if it was his fault. Being able (or not) to produce children is very much connected to their caveman style instincts and feeling like a man. We all sometimes think during ttc that our men aren't affected but they really are, it's just in different ways.

 

[Emma.b]

OH hun huge huge hugs for you

Go upstairs, jump under the covers and have a good old cryand eat a big bar of chocolate i find this helps when i feel like crap!

You need to have a talk with your OH, you need to tell him that your not gonna up and leave him if you cant have kids. If you have the tests and it show's you dont ovulate regularly does that mean he'll bolt for the door...i bet his answer is no...he needs to know that you feel the same about him.

Bless, we expect men to be all strong and it not to effect them, but it does, they just dont show it until its been bottled up for far too long!

I do agree with what the other ladies say, you need to have the basic tests done bloods and sperm, at least then you'll both know whats what and you can both stop torturing yourselfs.

Big hugs hun, hope it gets better for you abd you get your BFP soon x x

 

[Tiny2012x]

Hi hun, me & my OH have been TTC for 15 months now and he was very much the same in the sense that he doesn't want to get all stressy about it & do things out of the ordinary his reasoning being it will happen when it happens!! This of course caused some rows as I was getting very worked up and frustrated I would say much the same as the other ladies, try and have a calm chat with him & when you hit the 12 month mark go to the doctor, I put it off for a bit and we finally went together and speaking to the doc has been great, I've just had my 21 day bloods done this afternoon and both me & OH both feel much better now we're going to find out what's going on as much as it is a bit nerve wracking waiting on results! Hope you feel better soon hun xx

 

[mummywanabe]

It really does effect men, girls tend to talk to eachother more therefore vent their frustration men keep it all in until breaking point, my brother and his wife have been ttc for 5 years and are currently on Thor second round of ivf, one night I found my brother in a terrible state he felt like it was his fault although all tests showed unexplained infertility, ur guy is probably very worried, probably doesn't wana get tests incase it is a problem with him, give him time and then talk it over he may feel better and more willing to try new things

 

[gingah]

The others have said it well and I echo their sentiments. It's not necessarily anyone's 'fault', but it's still a stressful time and eventually the emotions will come out. Men do tend to hold these things in longer and then BOOM, it's all out at once. I also suggest you speak to your doctor since it's coming up to a year of TTC. There really isn't necessarily anything wrong, but a few tests could help put your minds at ease.

 

[Babybushie28]

As always you girls are fab at making me feel better Emma Im about to devour a large bar of mint aero!!! Yummy

Sorry for the rant I was just so upset this morning. The background of us is that I have pcos so I don't ov regular so I don't use sticks but the last few months I've felt it and it's been about right for when af arrives. We've seen a fertility specialist who basically told us to relax and keep bd'ng and go back to him in 3mths for a sperm test and hycosy if nothing has happened. My August cycle will be 3mths so we will do tests then.

I'm petrified that oh will have a prob as he's sensitive and it'll knock his "caveman" mentality to six and that'll be just an extra strain on us. But we can only try right?

Im pleased that we are doing stuff to make it happen but the disapointment hurts so much

 

[BabyBrain]

Forewarned is forearmed, even if the tests do show a problem then it can be dealt with. Not knowing means you just rely on Lady Luck and she can be a real bitch sometimes. Good luck with the tests xxxxxxxx

 

[Babybushie28]

Forewarned is forearmed, even if the tests do show a problem then it can be dealt with. Not knowing means you just rely on Lady Luck and she can be a real bitch sometimes. Good luck with the tests xxxxxxxx

Thank you! Lady luck is a biatch and keeps forgetting us!! I really hope it happens soon, I don't know how much more I can take