I left work early today

[mum2A&L]

couldn't handle anything. Ended up a mess. telling people i was ok, and lieing to those who didn't know got too much. i kept floating off in my own little world. i was doing ok till i needed a wee, and being on my own the flood gates just opened!! couldn't stop after that

Ive got a docs appointment booked for an hours time. im going to sit and tell him how i feel. Ive not felt this bad / had this many panic attacks for a while. i thought i had got all over this

everyone keeps telling me it will take time, but i just feel like im getting worse. i think having to get back to normal has made me deal with everything quicker than im ready to.


and im not sleeping, and i think thats why i got so upset. going to have a cup of hot chocolate and early night tonight.

 

[tracey 2]

hey hun

sending lots of hugs

how did it go with the docs? did you tell them how its all affecting you and i hope they were supportive. its easy for someone to say it will get better in time and yes you will i promise you but sometimes things have to get harder before they get easier i know its hard but you just follow your emotions

grief is a very powerful thing and there is no length of time it should or will last it can go on for months and more but the pain does less in time it just will.

if there is anything i can do anytime please just shout,

look after yourself and im always here

 

[mum2A&L]

thanks for your reply tracey!

He said its either my hormones, or the pnd reamerging (sp) .he said due to my history, he has put me back on the happy pills (im not sure if im happy about this or not. it feels like ive only just got of them!), but im willing to try anything.

if i still feel bad in a couple of weeks time, i need to go back, but tbh if im still not getting any sleep wed next week im going back then. i feel knackered.


my work pays for all of its staff to have access to a company that helps with loads of things, from help with debt etc, to help if a family member dies. HR suggested to me that i contact them for help, but i left that info at my desk one of my mates is in work tomorrow, so i might give her a bell and see if she can pick this info up for me... i might be able to get some help through them.

i need to get myself sorted for A. it isn't fair on her!! poor girl has a shell for a mother at moments.

 

[tracey 2]

Im glad it went ok as well as it possibly could hun, and give the tablets some time to kick in when i was on happy pills as you call them it took them bout month to fully start taking an affect but i know everyone is different.

lots of hugs to you all

 

[Rubys mummy]

Oh sweetheart, here

You have suffered a loss, and you are bound to feel s**te...Alice loves her mummy to bits and I am sure she doesnt see a "shell of a mummy" but a living breathing gorgeous mummy who loves her very much but who is hurting right now.

Dont beat yourself u about the anti Ds..I am off mine now but finding it SO hard-there are days when I coud so go back to it but I have taken up swimming again and his week has been a good week for me...its whatever gets you through this time.

Sending you and the gorgeous one big hugs and kisses xxxxxxxxx

 

[Happybunny]

You have had a lot to deal with, don't be down on yourself, mc is a big thing to deal with. I had lots of panic attacks after my second one last Christmas and had to take anti-ds too. I felt helpless and hopeless. It does get better though!
I got help through psychotherapist as I wanted to come off the pills to TTC again, but I didn't think I could do it without professional help. It was the most positive thing I have ever done. I was able to talk through my grief and put it to rest and finally come off of the pills.
It is great your HR dept can organise some support for you, you should definately take it if you can.
Don't worry about being a bad mother, that is definately not the case. I am sure you love Alice to absolute bits and she loves you equally.
I hope you feel better soon!

 

[mum2A&L]

thanks ladies.


well today seemed to go a lot better, although i still felt like people where tiptoeing around.

I was training someone this afternoon (who knows) and we ended up in a fit of giggles!! ive not laughed like that in a good few weeks.

ive got the contact details for the possible support, so i am about to email them and see what they can organise.


Ive decided though. Im not going to take the pills! it took so much to get off them before, i really don't want to get back on them again! im going to give it a fortnight - if no improvement, i will start taking them.


thanks for all your kind words! you girls are fab!!!!

 

[sarah113]

 

[emeraldsroses]

I'm so sorry I know exactly how you feel. I left work early today because I couldn't handle the emotions I was experiencing today.

 

[clucky77]

Me too.

I was ok in the morning, adn then I had to watch a video (for work) that had me in it, the DAY I found out about my missed miscarriage. I kept lookingat myself thinking,... you had no idea; if only things were different that day.

Still a struggle as I am sure it is for all of us.

 

[mum&2girls]

 

[mum2A&L]

Me too.

I was ok in the morning, adn then I had to watch a video (for work) that had me in it, the DAY I found out about my missed miscarriage. I kept lookingat myself thinking,... you had no idea; if only things were different that day.

Still a struggle as I am sure it is for all of us.

oh no huni! that must have been horrible to have to sit and watch

 

[Petra]

 

[trixipaws]

 

[firstangel]

thanks ladies.


well today seemed to go a lot better, although i still felt like people where tiptoeing around.

I know what you mean, first day back at work today and some people said really nice stuff to me and some said nothin, even though they know, I would rather people said stuff if they know as other wise it just feels awkard !

thinkin of you and have some xx