I feel under threat...ex partner at it again

[MrsS143]

So genetically she had no input to the creation of this baby?
Is it not the same as like a step dads rights?

 

[Sophie_P]

That's right, no genetics whatsoever.

 

[MrsS143]

I remember you with your chemical and then getting pregnant with this one
Cant believe you're having to go through this x

 

[Sophie_P]

I know, i feel like what else? She text lastnight saying she is still going to the papers and solicitors, I'm so scared, what if she gets full custody???

 

[MrsS143]

I don't see how she could
You've done nothing wrong and she isn't a blood relative
By rights if it's the other way, you have the same rights to seeing her son (if I remember rightly?)

 

[Sophie_P]

Yeah you are right, she has a son, but I have no interest, he is a tearaway kid and probably hates me anyway, from things she has said x

 

[Lilmisshopeful]

Hun it is almost impossible to get custody of a baby from it's mummy try not to worry. My ex tried for years to get his kids and they were mistreated and there was proof and he still couldn't get them. You won't lose your baby she will only get contact and with her behaviour being the way it is that might end up in a contact centre for your protection. I'm going to pm you xxx

 

[Sophie_P]

Pls pm me yes, going out my mind x

 

[iWitch]

Hun it is almost impossible to get custody of a baby from it's mummy try not to worry. My ex tried for years to get his kids and they were mistreated and there was proof and he still couldn't get them. You won't lose your baby she will only get contact and with her behaviour being the way it is that might end up in a contact centre for your protection. I'm going to pm you xxx

I don't understand why contact in a contact centre would be necessary for this? That's wasting resources for the kids in care who's parents are going through the assessment process. Surely the simplest thing to do is to would be to arrange for someone else to collect Amelia or drop her off? Or have someone present?

Do you have actual concerns about Amelia's well being whilst with your ex? Or is it just the chance they won't bring her back? Because if there's a court order in place & they don't bring her back just ring the police?

What I'd personally do if she was to start making abusive threats when collecting LO, I'd hold my phone so she could see it & start to dial 999...she'd soon shut up. You could also advise that you've been advised to record conversations for future evidence & you're advising her of this so it could be used in a court of law

 

[Lilmisshopeful]

Because the baby is having to witness the aggression the she shows during the collections and it's not good for her at all. And from my experience that's how it usually ends up in cases like this unfortunately xxx

 

[Sophie_P]

A contact centre is necessary as my ex partners partner can punch me at any time, I know her, I kbwe her while we werwą married and I know what she is capable of.

 

[iWitch]

I've worked in social services & - at least in this LA - they've never done that. It's a lot easier to sort out alternative collection/drop off arrangements. Contact centres are usually used for supervised contact & from what sophie is saying there doesn't appear to be a need for supervision otherwise she wouldn't be worried about her ex gaining full custody?

 

[Sophie_P]

And I don't have anyone to drop my daughter off or pick her up, I am a single mum, alone, I only have my mother, and she lives 10 miles away and doesnt drive. I don't have any friends either.

 

[Holi]

I would maybe look at an agreement with your ex partner that her new partner cannot be part of pick up/collections.

Are you worried about you lg safety while she's with your ex or is it the pick ups/drop offs that are your main concern?

Hopefully if you remove direct contact with them it could all sort itself out and calm down

Keep everything logged as evidence!!

Good luck xx

 

[Sophie_P]

Iwitch, I am worried because I have low self asteem and low confidence about being a good enough mother as it is, and I have someone lying about me saying I cannot feed and clothe my baby properly, threats from my ex about full custody. And now evidence of her partner threatening me. Needless to say, I am worried due to me being scared of them.

 

[Sophie_P]

Holi, I am worried about my baby being brain washed into thinking I am a bad mother, also the verbal abuse I get from my ex, and the possibility of my face getting smashed in.

 

[Lilmisshopeful]

I've worked in social services & - at least in this LA - they've never done that. It's a lot easier to sort out alternative collection/drop off arrangements. Contact centres are usually used for supervised contact & from what sophie is saying there doesn't appear to be a need for supervision otherwise she wouldn't be worried about her ex gaining full custody?

It varies from place to place. There's 2 contact centres near to me and I've used both of them (6 years fostering) obviously if there is a 3rd party to collect and drop off it is easier but that's not always possible. You would be surprised how many visits are actually because the parents can't be civil. The courts here also make the uncivil parent pay if a contact centre is needed because of their actions xxx

 

[nicejuicypear]

I'm in a civil partnership too and I researched it inside out before conceiving, including consulting a lawyer specialising in lgbt parenting and legally both mothers (or fathers) have equal rights. In exactly the same way as a father has equal rights to his child. It's not like step parents at all, it's legally the same as a man and woman creating a baby (for couples married or in a cp). The law was amended in 2009 to include this.

That's in general terms, obviously Sophie in your case since she's being abusive she is forfeiting some of these rights so you'll be protected in that way, same as if a father was being abusive to the mother. She won't get custody if she's behaving like that towards you, just keep on documenting all her behaviour, I hope it works out soon for you.

I'm not contradicting your lawyer, who is talking about your particular case and the relationship you already have with Amelia, I just wanted to clear it up for posters who think that same sex non bio parents don't have equal rights.

 

[H16]

I would go down the route of her new partner not being appropriate company for your LO as she sounds abusive to me. I would say that you don't want her exposed to that environment and would like contact centre visits as they are supervised. That way your ex cannot complain about not seeing child and you will not have to expose your daughter to witnessing abusive behavior which will do her no favours long term if she is subjected to it for years. I am really sorry you are in this situation hun, it sounds just awful and I wish I could do something to help x

 

[Lilmisshopeful]

Hun your not a bad mother you just worry to much the courts won't take your baby just because you ex says stuff. They are used to dealing with break ups and all the lies that happen after. That's why they do their own enquires. So unless you really are a bad mum then you have nothing to worry about regarding losing custody. Just have the letter sent then if it continues the injunction served. Your baby knows you love her hun xxx